So the Batch was approaching the 10th anniversary of its group picture-picture, but rather than it feel like some unmissable momentous occasion, we found ourselves having a hard time agreeing on a time and a place, coming up with a suitable theme, or otherwise motivating ourselves to show up for the thing.
Meanwhile, the Department PA system crackled with the following: "The Loboc Children's Choir will be performing at 3:30 this afternoon at the Department auditorium. This show is brought to you by Oishi. Snacks will be served."
Well, then.
Time / place / theme / motivation? All solved by snacks!
For anyone who might think to complain about the length of our passport application form (one page, back-to-back), I'd just like to refer you to a recent snarky musing of a popular American football columnist
Meanwhile, our judiciary already appears to have gotten a step on the Americans in the bureaucracy reduction game
I mean, if nothing else, "Juan dela Cruz -- Decongestion Officer" will look awesome on a calling card.
(UPDATE! -- Just a few days after I make the above post, there are late-breaking reports that our very own Department is winning the war on tape . . . with an exhibit booth!)
(A winning exhibit booth! That placed third...runner-up!)
(Once again...we owe you, Captain DFA. We owe you.)
Purists will insist that all playgrounds must be outdoors and open to all, and might even point to the western way of doing things. They are not wrong. BUT they may also fail to take into account that: a) many of those countries (like the UK) have prolonged cold, wet, dreary seasons - which means both the young 'uns and the old equipment can get worn down by the elements; and b) unrestricted access to playgrounds make for some, shall we say, interesting passer-throughers and even more interesting left-behinds. Your kid therefore always has to gear up and guard up.
Like so
All hail then the gentrified, climate-controlled, pay-to-play places we've found in Manila malls! Weather is never a concern, "Mission: Impossible"-like security scanners give you piece of mind, everything's kept clean and safe -- all for half the price of a London Happy Meal!
So where to take the little brats angels? Consider:
Space x Width x Height
The place can't be too big such that you can't keep track of your child's whereabouts without the help of Waze. On the other hand it has to be spacious enough, not so much to keep all the sugared-up kids from always crashing into each other, but so that accompanying adults don't constantly bang their heads/pull a muscle/throw out their backs giving chase through all the low, tight spaces.
No, sweetie, you come to me. Daddy's fat ass won't fit through that
Price / Adult Pass / Waiting Area
"But wait," you ask, "why should a playplace have to worry about your Dad-bod and general lack of fitness? It was built for kids, you geezer." Because some places require you to go inside with your little one, and even charge you extra for the privilege. There are also those places that say you don't really have to enter, but then don't provide anywhere for you to sit or wait outside, so you end up deciding just to pay the adult entrance fee and check your facebook feed while waiting in the ball pit.
Speaking of which . . .
Pit Depths
The ball pit is a child favorite, so you would think it would universally be lush and well-maintained. Not so! Admittedly, kids love flattening the balls or throwing them out of the pit like they were bailing water from a boat, but this should never be an excuse to keep the area anything less than 110% fully-stocked -- if only to keep future Greg Louganises from going completely splat and giving up on their Olympic dreams
Like so
Sliding Scale
The other playplace centerpiece, the slide has got to be just right, especially since many of the bigger ones go up to two-stories high. If the slide is new and too slippery, your kid can shoot down so fast she ends up in the food court. On the other hand, if the slide's paint/plastic is already worn out, there's too much traction, no momentum is generated, and the kid has to inch her way down shuffling her feet and butt. Like a dork.
They've been stuck up there since June
SuperTramp
Not every playplace has a trampoline, and most of those that do just have one the size of a throw rug. Kudos then to those establishments that have several large tramps on their premises, allowing more opportunity for some individual jump time. Too often I've seen a small child tentatively hop on a vacant trampoline, enjoy it for a few seconds, then get catapulted away once a horde of bigger kids decide they want to jump in.
We later found her in the parking lot below
Infinite Playlist
If you're a grown-up stuck within the confines of a playplace for at least an hour, your best bet for maintaining sanity (in descending order): 1) there's no blaring music at all; 2) the intern in charge of the sound system has some pretty cool jams; 3) they just play some Disney soundtrack CDs; 4) they pipe-in a local "Joke Time" radio station; 5) it's the playplace's self-made kiddie-jingle - on a loop; 6) Justin Bieber.
Costume Changes
The better playplaces work out minds as well as bodies, so some scatter stuff around meant to trigger the children's wonderfully vivid imaginations, including racks of costumes and shelves of props.
But only the best carry sweet Lando Calrissian capes
Role Playing Games
A few playplaces take the kiddie cosplay a step further, and provide not just outfits but realistic workstation set-ups, like a doctor's office or a flower shop. The idea is to instill some real-life values and skills at an early age.
Such as politely asking "Daddy, willing to wait?"
In then end, no less than your happiness and peace of mind are at stake here, so you must have strong feelings about a place -- some love, even. But how much love? How deep?
So with all that in mind, here's my personal playplace countdown:
6) Cosmic Kidz (MOA)
I've found that playplaces mirror the personality of the mall where they are located. Cosmic Kidz is in MOA, so it figures that it's also complex, di-kaya-ng-aircon-ang-laki hot, loud, swarming with people, and exhausting to walk end-to-end.
Water...gasp...I need water
5) Fun Ranch Playdium (Fronterra Verde area)
Has a sign up front that says it's the biggest playplace in the country, but so did Cosmic Kidz. Unlike the latter, though, Fun Ranch is detached from any mall, so the crowd's less frenzied and more manageable
It hasn't (wait for it) jumped the shark
4) Active Fun (various locations)
I think Active Fun is the market leader, if only because it has a presence at both SM and Ayala malls, and has a huge stand-alone place in BGC. All their places are elaborate, multi-level spreads, with no dress-up/role playing areas, but lots of trampolines, pits and slides, not to mention an assortment of cool air-powered gizmos that absolutely spark the kids' scientific curiosity
But which I can only explain to them as "magic"
3) Powerville (Edsa Shangri-la)
My "Bigger ain't Better" bias will show from here on in. Powerville is a roomy enough place, but also adopts more of an "Open-Plan" rather than "Counter-Strike" layout. It also has just one simple change in elevation that won't make couch potato parents cramp up or pass out.
And even then, the onsite emergency medical team is adorable
2a) Little Martians (Ayala malls)
I'm just guessing that Little Martians and Kevin's (below) are somehow tied-up with each other and with Ayala malls because they all have the same look and feel. The spacing is more relaxed, the fixtures look finer, and the clientele are twangier. More particularly as to the playplaces, the set-ups are consciously cozy and let you keep sight of your kid even from the outside waiting area; everything from the steps to the railings to the ceilings are covered in cushy overstuffed padding; they have clever if-you-want-to-slide-down-you-have-to-wall-climb-up arrangements; and there are lots and lots of fun toys, games, books and costumes just lying around.
That cape, though
2b) Kevin's (U.P. Town Center)
And if U.P. Town Center is meant to be a smaller-but-posher Ayala kind of mall, so too is Kevin's a more compact but no less plush playplace. Despite it's limited size, Kevin's has a deep-dive ballpit and a sufficient costume and role-playing area -- although why they went with a prison theme escapes (har!) me.
Buti na lang abogado tatay mo, anak
1) Kidzoona (Fairview Terraces)
Let me get this out there right from the start: Kidzoona sounds confusingly similar to the more internationally known Kidzania (which I've never been to), so I won't be surprised to see some litigation down the line. Likewise, the Kidzoona I went to in Fairview Terraces was obviously just temporarily occupying some vacant, still-unleased retail spaces, so there was a transient feel to the whole place -- pop-up rave site at best, elaborate sting operation mock-up at worst.
That being said...look at all that goodness!
Huge open-plan spaces!
Multiple role-playing stations!
A looooong trampoline/airbed that doesn't launch smaller kids into space even when bigger ones are bouncing around them!
Racetracks!
Special toys like giant legos, squeezable sand, inflatable roller wheels, and those pin-point impressions things you see at therapists' offices!
A bouncy slide that self-inflates and rolls kids right off!
And the widest, deepest ball pit you've ever seen!
And the two cherries on top: 1) there's a large, comfy area for the grown ups to lounge around and access free wi-fi; and 2) the house music while I was there -- Depeche Mode!!!
What do you do when you spend the last six Christmas seasons abroad?
You hit the Manila holidays. You hit them so goddam hard.
I mean, yeah, the UK has its own food, decor and whatnot for Christmas. But the overall vibe, spirit and JOY over here is still on a completely different level.
