COME AND SEE...VICTORY...IN A LAND CALLED FANTASY

So what title am I most proud of, LL or DD?

Try MMBFBLC.

That’s MetroManilaBalls Fantasy Basketball League Commissioner, punk.

Founded in 2003 following a perfect storm of high-speed office internet, work boredom, and sudden incapacity to play real sports, MetroBalls became an instant phenomena and grew from a humble 15 original teams to the current . . . um … 12. A global hit of Idol proportions, the league has hosted teams from Manila to Subic to Bacolod to Singapore to Houston (at least, that what the manager profiles say; they could all just be a 10 year-old geek from downstairs messing with me).

A few things about Fantasy Sports in general:

*It will forever pervert the way you follow sports. You no longer track the win-loss record of your favorite childhood team; you now stalk strange players who can stuff stat sheets. You don’t root for good guys to have great games; if they’re not in your fantasy line-up, you hope they get injured, suspended or – utter joy! – arrested. And yahoofantasysports replaces victoriassecret.com as your most visited website (well, at least until the off-season).

*For something so inherently useless and trivial, you invest way too much of yourself emotionally in your fantasy team. You stress over every add/drop decision, get irrationally smug after a weekly victory, and take every trade rejection personally (you don’t want to deal with me anymore? can we talk? was it something i said? can we still trade sometime? is it me?).

*Once you start, you can’t get enough hits of fantasy sports. It’s like internet crack. I introduced MetroBalls to my batchmates at the start of cadetship and, needless to state, none of those who joined graduated. Absences shot up, research time was squandered, families were ignored, yet the League Home Page was filled with trades and transactions throughout the day. There literally were dark-alley deals made (hey man, you got a point guard? c’mon hook me up, you know Dampier’s good for it)

*If you want to see something really sad, scroll through the list of private leagues at the start of every season and check out the thousands of “1 out of 12 teams filled” with matching desperate “Hi! Please join my fun league!” post from the commissioner. It’ll break your heart.

Anyway, MetroBalls has had all the excitement and drama of a real NBA season. You name it: trash talking, draft day blunders, season-opening giddiness, trade controversies, furious finishes. All that’s missing is an Artest-type brawl and rap album (although there’s still time).

There’s even been a mini-dynasty of sorts. Since the league’s inception, my bro-in-law has placed 1st, 1st, 2nd and 1st (my delinquent batchmate AC the only other champion; awarding ceremonies at right). Meanwhile, I haven’t even sniffed 4th place.

Even the LLDDL has gotten in on the action. Despite drafting and dropping players based on looks rather than vertical leap, the LLDDL has ranked higher than me in each of the years that she’s been part of the league. And I was really trying!

(excuse me a sec...

aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok)

Strangely, I do better in Fantasy Football, Baseball and Soccer where I don’t know the players and teams as much (that should tell me something). I still haven’t won The Big One in any sport, but I have a couple of second and third place trophies to show off, and even entered some playoffs as a top-seed. Sooner or later, however, my low non-basketball IQ just shows up, and then I get blown out of the water.

But just like real-life also-rans, I always believe in next year. I’m drafting 3rd (Wade?) this time, another year wiser. I’ll do my research, crunch the numbers, and keep telling myself: “Walter Hermann can’t possibly have another good season for the LLDDL’s fantasy team and social life, can he?”

Can he?!?

The LLDDL's 2008 First Round draft pick