12.23.2009

THE TWELVE DAYS OF FOREIGN SERVICE POST CHRISTMAS GREETINGS

On the First Day of Christmas, Abuja gave to me
A Human Christmas Tree.




On the Second Day of Christmas, Madrid gave to me
Two Merged Missions . . . (nakisabay pa ang Barcelona PCG!)




On the Third Day of Christmas, New York gave to me
A Three-part Memo . . .




On the Fourth Day of Christmas, Oslo gave to me
Four Levels of Red . . .




On the Fifth Day of Christmas, Prague gave to me
Five Photocopieeeeeees . . .




On the Sixth day of Christmas, Amman gave to me
Six Desert Pictures. . .




On the Seventh Day of Christmas, Barcelona gave to me
Seven in a Ball . . . (ah, may sarili naman pala sila)




On the Eight Day of Christmas, Dili gave to me
Eight Finding Nemos . . .




On the Ninth Day of Christmas, Stockholm gave to me
Nine on a Couch . . .




On the Tenth Day of Christmas, Havana gave to me
Ten Shirts na Nag-match (at isang hindi!)




On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, Berne gave to me
Eleven "Idol" Finalists




On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Canberra gave to me
Twelve "Wacky" Poses . . .



Eleven "Idol" Finalists
Ten Shirts na Nag-match (at isang hindi!)
Nine on a Couch
Eight Finding Nemos
Seven in a Ball (ah, may sarili naman pala sila)
Six Desert Pics
Five Photocopieeeeeeeeees
Four Levels of Red
A Three-part Memo
Two Merged Missions (nakisabay pa ang Barcelona PCG!)
And a Humaaaaaan Chriiiiiistmaaaaaaaaaaas Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee






(That was Bloody Brilliant. You're Going to Hollywood)

2009 YEAR IN REVIEW : ADVENTURES IN PRONUNCIATION

No kidding, there's actually a BBC Pronunciation Department, and they've called me up several times over the past year for help with certain Tagalog words (apparently they have a soap opera with a Filipino character in it). You may recall the Tsaang Gubat and "Lots of Love" incidents before, but my favorite calls from the BBC remain their requests for the correct pronunciation of some - in their words - "ethnic tribe" character names. My top three are:

3. Magbanua

2. Roselyn

1. Kagawad

So good on the BBC for wanting to get pronunciations right, but what I really want is to meet the scriptwriters who decided on Roselyn as the best "ethnic tribe" name out there!

12.21.2009

2009 YEAR IN REVIEW : TOP FOUR WALKS IN LONDON

And by "top four", I mean "the only four times since I arrived in London that I got off my big butt and did something that might pass as exercise."


4. Thames River Path

Had not the LLDD-Hyphen-L gotten on a wrong local bus (in search of the neighborhood "Zara Express" urban legend), I might have never discovered that near our flat is a beautiful riverside path traversing the "Cheese Whiz" neighborhood on one side and a posh area called Richmond on the other side. How stark is the contrast between "Cheese Whiz" (where we live) and rich Richmond across the river? Put it this way: on the Richmond side, there's a riverbank park that features locals who picnic, drink wine and play cricket; on the "Cheese Whiz" side, there's a boat with a figurehead of Grace Jones.







3. Southbank Loop


Charge it to being OC, but I like my walks perfectly linear, i.e., I want to be able to see everything there is to see without having to walk down the same path more than once. I just don't like any forth-and-back. Thus, I thoroughly enjoyed walking from Monument (views) to London Bridge (more views) to Borough market (food) to Southwark Cathedral (people eating food) to Shakespeare's Globe (art) to Tate Modern (art?) to the Millenium bridge (wobbling views) to St. Paul's Cathedral (tourists) in a nice, tight non-repetitive closed loop. (my OC, by the way, also accounts for my preference of Megamall and MOA over Glorietta and TriNoMa; just so you know where to take me for a walk when I come home)




2. Parliament-to-Greenwich Hike

Oh, the agony of the feet! I joined several foreign diplomats on a Big Ben-to-Greenwich Observatory trek along the Thames that was described by the organizer as nine-kilometers long. Turns out, it was nine miles! Just as well that the walk finished at the Prime Meridian, because I wanted those four hours of my life back!

(click here for full gallery)





1. Walk for Charity

The wife of an ambassador recently went on a noble 60-mile charity walk to raise funds for children back home. The walk started from the Embassy doorstep very early on a Saturday morning, and the joke then was that everyone would join and walk until the nearest McDonald's. I, off course, never kid whenever the possibility of breakfast pancakes is involved, and actually set off with the charity-walker in the direction of the Westminster McDo thinking everyone would do the same -- only to find when I looked over my shoulder that none of my companions even went beyond the Embassy corner.






My revenge: a Philippine newspaper's photo caption reporting the event's great success made it appear that I finished the 60-mile trip alongside the charity walker. Who needs exercise!

12.16.2009

2009 YEAR IN REVIEW : KICK-ASSINGEST TUBE STOP NAMES

Simply put, there are some tube stops that are so awesomely named that I get pumped just by hearing recorded voice-lady going "The next station is . . ."








I mean, who wouldn't want say they live in Knightsbridge, or contstantly yell "It's Hammer Time!" whenever the stop above approaches?!

On the other hand, there are those other stations whose nam---


****************************************

WEATHER ALERT!

We interrupt this blog for some breaking weather news. Our dork on the ground, using the most sophisticated weather equipment available...



...is confirming that snow is indeed falling for the first time this year outside the Embassy. The snowfall was greeted with mixed reactions at nearby Trafalgar Square, with some groups breaking out into song...







...while the neighboring camped-out climate change activists and polar bear from "Lost" seemed ironically taken by suprise.



We now return to regular programming in progress


****************************************

---nd I'm sure you'll agree from all the foregoing reasons I just comprehensively laid out, these following stations should be mentioned in another category altogether.





12.15.2009

2009 YEAR IN REVIEW : CELEBRITY SHOWDOWN EDITION

Yes folks, it's that time again when I dump unused. . .er, list down the best photos and videos I took over the past year. First up: we determine whether the LLDD-Hyphen-L or myself had the best elbow-rubbingly moments with celebrities.


Round One : Pinoy Tandems

LLDD-Hyphen-L --- Chico and Delamar
Me --- Sarah Geronimo and Billie Joe Crawford




Analysis: I just got pulled into S & BJ's very entertaining UK show by accident, whereas the LLDD-Hyphen-L actually earned her face time with C & D by elucidating over the radio on the biggest issue of our time: Do you want Edward or Jacob for Bella?

Advantage
: LLDD-Hyphen-L. She so thoroughly enjoyed the "New Moon" premiere tickets that she won that she's now made it very clear that my happiness over the holidays directly depends on how many times I re-watch the two "Twilight" movies with her.

(help me)


Round Two : Giants of Literature


LLDD-Hyphen-L
--- The Guy Who's Now Playing Sherlock Holmes

Me --- The Author of "Superfreakanomics"




Analysis: Actually, forget Sherlock Holmes . . . that's freakin' Iron Man! On the other hand, I got to continually hum Rick James to myself throughout the "Superfreakanomics" lecture.

Advantage: None, although the LLDD-Hyphen-L would like to point out that on the same night she scoped Sherlock, she also saw Jude Law in the park square, Kiera Knightley on the stage and, for whatever reason, Gwen Stefani directly in front of the McDonald's window where we were eating.

Round Three : Personal Idols

LLDD-Hyphen-L --- Sarah Jessica Parker
Me --- A Statue of Bumblebee


Analysis: OK, clearly I'm grasping at straws in this round as my idol isn't even alive, or for that matter capable of basic movement. SJP, however, antagonized the LLDD-Hyphen-L by coming out in a mini-dress despite the freezing weather and showing off, in the LLDD-Hyphen-L's words, "Na mas maliit ang bewang at binti nya kesa sa akin! Itsura nya! Hmp!"

Advantage: Me. See, that's the thing about having an inanimate idol. You won't hear me hissing that my forehead is wider and more shiny than an Autobot.




WINNER : As always, the LLDD-Hyphen-L. If you recall the last post, she actually got the fondle Hugh Grant.


Whereas the closest I've gotten to caressing a celebrity is running my hand up and down the smooth, smooth Hogwarts staircase.

12.11.2009

OH MY GOD, THAT'S THE LLDD-HYPHEN-L'S MUSIC!!!







She's. . .she's back!!! And on the same week UK retailers report strong growth! Coincidence?

And not only that, she immediately sets out improving RP-UK relations. Thus, on her very first trip back to the embassy, she gets up close and personal with (someone who played) the British Prime Minister. How close?


This freakin' close!!!


To hear it from the LLDD-Hyphen-L, Hugh "The Man" Grant spotted her in the crowd, came up to her and shook her hand before anyone else. Her only regret was that she failed to break out into "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy . . ."


That, and she forgot to take her gloves off whilst shaking his hand.



Anyway, the LLDD-Hyphen-L's return signals a paradigm shift in my ways. First of all, there will be more couples stuff and less 80s concerts / comic-cons (although I hold out hope for a Bobba Fett-Princess Leia gold bikini date next Halloween). Secondly, as I actually have someone to go out with now, blog posts henceforth will be short and no longer drafted on pathetically alone, er, incredibly productive weekend nights. Lastly, let's face it, my wild and decadent party days are over.

Pictured: my wild and decadent party days



Welcome back, sweetie! Hindi na maginaw ang pasko, and all that!

11.29.2009

IN MY HUMBLE ORGANIZATION


My bro-in-law has long insisted that there's an SNL sketch of diplomats at a dinner party saying nothing but "please pass the cocktail shrimp". Now, I've never been able to find a clip of that sketch, and even if I did, I'd probably find it too absurd a premise to be funny.

That is, until I went to 15 diplomatic receptions. In three days.

No, really.

See, the Philippines was a candidate to be on the council of a large, important London-based multilateral group I'll call "IMHO" (actually, that's not too far from the group's real name, if said in a kapangpangan accent ), and faced stiff competition from 25 other countries. The campaigning was hard, frenzied and, yes, involved a LOT of receptions and cocktail shrimp. Here's what I remember of it:

** To sit on the council of IMHO is a pretty big deal, so it was no surprise that many candidate countries brought in dozens of additional top gun diplomats, officials and personalities from their capitals. The Philippines, on the other hand, only had a handful of people - most of whom were already from the Embassy - who brought with them nothing but the merits of their country, the smiles on their faces, and a song in their hearts.

Like "Glee", but with dark suits

** The big campaign to-do for most countries was the hosting of a diplomatic reception to get the word out on their candidacy and to publicly seek the support of the other nations in attendance. Again, the Philippines passed on holding a similar large-scale event for this election, and instead relied on a scrappy, grassroots person-to-person campaign (and if you think I wasn't totally OK with this strategy because it would give me a chance to pretend I was part of an "insignificant band of rebels" going up against the mighty Empire and hum the Star Wars theme as I entered every reception -- then you just don't know me that well)

** Speaking of pretend, you might be wondering if going inside another country's embassy for a reception is a little like a James Bond/Mission Impossible movie. The answer is no, it is not; it is A LOT like a James Bond/Mission Impossible movie! Ok, there were no guard dogs patrolling the lawns (most embassies in London don't even have lawns; expensive real estate and all that), and you don't first enter the grounds in a scuba wetsuit that you unzip to reveal a barong inside (are you kidding? malulukot!). But just like in the movies, embassy interiors and ambience are very intriguing, reception guestlists are compelling, and conversations are martini-aided. I honestly wanted to accidentally get lost in one of the embassies just so some official could purposefully approach me and ask, "looking for something?", whereupon I could suavely reply, "the bathroom".

** There are rituals on the National Geographic channel that are less interesting and elaborate than the scene at many of the campaign receptions. First of all, up to 10 countries a day hold a reception, which means you can't stay for more than 30 minutes before moving on to the next one; this severely limits the length and nature of the conversations that you can have, not to mention the amount of cocktail shrimp you can consume. Secondly, after you've said your quick hellos and goodbyes at one reception, you criss-cross London only to discover that the guests at the next receptions. . .are almost entirely the same people you were talking to at the earlier ones (which leads to a slew of "so, we meet again...Indonesia" and "we should have carpooled" jokes). Third, after just engaging in sparkling conversation with someone high-ranking from another country, you'll see some people turn their backs to the room, surreptitiously take a piece of paper from their coat pockets, and proceed to scratch off a name from a list -- this is still a campaign, after all.

** There's also an art and a skill to exchanging calling cards at a reception that I have yet to master. For one thing, I often forget to bring enough with me, which means if I meet someone and he manages to give me his card, he's basically just yelled "Tag! You're it!" to everyone else in the room. For another, even when I do have cards with me, I still clumsily fumble through my pockets getting to them, and my handover is usually less than smooth (I mean, where do I put down my plate of cocktail shrimp?). The veteran diplomats, on the other hand, efficiently card everyone in a room like ninjas throwing star knives.

** Looking back, I kind of wonder about the cost-effectiveness of holding a big reception. Yes, it's high-profile and high-impact, but it also seems to attract the people who were going to support the host anyway. At the same time, receptions allow guests to solicit votes from the other guests that were conveniently gathered for them (all while the host pays for the cocktail shrimp!). Likewise, receptions give other countries a good idea of the host's existing level of voter support - or lack thereof. See, while some receptions were roaring successes, with guests packing the embassy well into the night, other receptions were decidedly. . .not. As in you-can-hear-crickets-in-the-background not. I mean, thanks for inviting us over and we may very well vote for you, but in the meantime...aawwkkwwaaaaaaarrdd.

** Anyway, every country also has to intensively campaign at the retail, country-by-country level: personal calls are made, substantive meetings are held, notes and other diplomatic correspondence are sent out by home offices and embassies all over the world, QPQs are proposed/accepted. Then everything comes to a head the week of the IMHO election, as each candidate tries to keep track of those countries that have already expressed support and those that are still up for grabs. All the candidates now have to locate the Head of Delegation of the still-undecided countries during the IMHO assembly and personally solicit their support -- a not-too-easy task since there are more than 160 nations in IMHO, many with large visiting delegations. Since the delegation heads are often from the outside and unknown to everyone else, an amusing scene ensues at the IMHO: swarms of candidate country officials (including me) spread out all over the place eyeballing country nameplates, ID cards and flagpins in the hope of positively identifying a head of delegation. If you suspect, but aren't sure, that someone is your assignment, you follow him/her all around until he/she stops and you can get close enough to talk to them and confirm their identity. How is this different from stalking, you ask? Other than we all have diplomatic immunity if caught, not much. Not much at all.

** I cannot emphasize enough the comedic possibilities of the whole track-down-and-chat-up-someone-who's-identity-you're-not-sure-of process. The following, for instance, are three absolutely true stories from the field, in ascending order of hilarity:

1) a diplomat starts a conversation with a person who the diplomat thinks is the head of a delegation; the diplomat is actually talking to...the delegation's driver.

2) a diplomat starts a conversation with a person who the diplomat thinks is the head of a delegation; the diplomat is actually talking to...a member of hotel security.

3) a guy diplomat starts talking to a girl on the sidewalk right outside the IMHO building; the guy diplomat is actually talking to...a member of the IMHO secretariat, who rushes back into the IMHO building because she thinks she is being picked up by the guy diplomat.

And yet, here I sit for hours - in a clearly marked chair - and no one approaches me. Sigh.


** As a final reminder to everyone else of their candidacy, many countries leave token gifts and souvenirs (notepads, paperweights, keychains etc) on all the other countries' desks. Once again, however, the Philippines manages to come away ahead. While all the other countries package their tokens inside a plastic gift box or bag (like the kind you buy at stationary shops), the Philippines gives away a big, foldable earth-friendly-cloth shopping bag. This results in one of two things: a) people who find the gift boxes/bags of other countries too unwieldy to bring to receptions leave those behind, but always still bring the Philippines' bag with them because it neatly folds away; or b) people unfold the Philippine bag and place all the other countries' gifts inside that bag. Either way, guess which country's name always ends up being seen by everyone?

Hint: rhymes with "Philippines"

** Finally, election day arrives. All the candidates get to give brief campaign statements - some go with straightforward addresses, others go with stand-up...er, sit-down-at-country-desk comedy. When ballot casting time comes, the election committee calls out a word I never knew existed, but which I now know I want to become just because it sounds so awesome. Someday, I will be . . . a "scrutineer".


Once the vote results come in, team Philippines finds success. Major success. Make no mistake, this is big, and will serve vital national interests well. I was just glad to play a small part in it, and to see all the master Philippine diplomats up close and in action. And for all its significance and importance, the whole thing was also quite fun.

Hey, they could even make an SNL skit about it someday.