Heading into the last week of the season, my three fantasy leagues looked like this:
Three-headed monster, baby! With a Winner's League right in the middle! Nice!
And then.....well, let Ross and Joey explain how a threesome turns out:
Kinda what happened to me! I easily finished on top of the first league, but mainly because the other managers seemed to quit playing. I then choked away the lead in my second league and needed seven turnovers or even just ONE FREAKIN' STEAL to win the championship on the last day -- and fell flat.
Speak on that, my Friends...
yeah....LIKE WINNING THE BIGGEST PRIZE OF THEM ALL -- THE WINNER'S LEAGUE!!!
The Good Fantasy News: I won not one but TWO public basketball leagues!! The first one I led practically wire-to-wire. The second one was a nail-biter that went down to the very last day and game.
See LLDD-Baby? Daddy was doing something important when he skipped your parent-teacher conference and ballet recitals!
The Bad Fantasy News: my flagship MetroManilaBalls league appears to be going the way of the ABA. Only five managers (and one batchmate) signed up this year, and I became the first manager in fantasy basketball history to draft Lebron with the number one pick and still manage to finish in last place.
See LLDD-Hyphen-L? This is what happens when you schedule things like Valentine's day and Wedding Anniversaries during All-Star Weekend!
The Olympic clock right outside the Embassy keeps ticking away, constantly nagging this office concierge that the games are just around the corner (dammit, Chloe!) -- yet I still don't know who will be coming over from the Philippines. Turns out the qualification competitions practically go all the way up the opening ceremonies, so I really can't tell how many athletes, coaches and officials will be arriving right until the last minute.
Ah, if only Olympic qualification was as simple as fantasy basketball: quantifiable, over by mid-April, disputes settled by profanity laced message boards, and above all......a Filipino lawyer/diplomat FTW!!!!!!!
I'm torn between getting Jessica Sanchez to sing the national anthem at my awarding ceremony, or hiring Spandau Ballet to yell "You. Are. Gold!"
But what, you ask, of MetroManilaBalls, that 10 year-old FSO-laden league of which I am Sovereign? Fare thee well? I can proudly say that this year I made deft use of all my fantasy commissioner powers -- entering into fantasy CBA negotiations, settling a fantasy players strike, signing a new fantasy TV deal -- and finished the league a fantastic...um, fourth.
Again. Kinda makes me the fantasy Fulham.
Let us not, however, lose sight of what is truly important: I destroyed the LLDD-Hyphen-L. That's right, for the second year running, I finished better than the better half. No more holding your 2009 championship over me, sweetie!
(OK, you gave birth and took care of the LLDD-baby the whole season. Still.)
adorable, but the only rose you should have been spending time on was derrick. ha!
(editor's note: once again, I apologize to all those who entered the above subject heading in their search engine expecting...um...something else, and instead were directed to my annual fantasy league results; guys, c'mon, you go through this every year)
Holy Erin Andrews! In the male-dominated and FSO-laced world of MetroManilaBalls Fantasy Basketball League, this year's champion is no other than...(drumroll)...the one...the only....
THE LLDD-HYPHEN-L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's literally a trophy wife!!
Not only that, she was followed closely by the only other WNBA-eligible fantasy manager in the league, Shingapore Stars a.k.a batchmate ISOLATE HER AIR AIM!
Girl-on-girl!
To add insult to injury, every guy's butt was comprehensively kicked by the only two ladies in the league - even while the girls were swamped during the season with their Master Degree studies!
Like I posted on the league page: I don't know if the guys should be ashamed and embarrassed -- or really turned on.
Needless to state, this will make for an interesting year in the LLDD household. It was bad enough when she first joined the League under the mocking name "Chubby Chaser-ella"; it got worse when she beat me two years running and placed second last season; now and for the rest of the year, whenever I ask who's turn is it to do the dishes, she'll just throw me a look, raise an eyebrow, make the "L" sign on her forehead, and smack me with her trophy.
At the end of another season of the MetroManilaBalls Fantasy League, top prize went to CRANIAL AGAIN. Again. Dammit. Simply nothing could dislodge him from the number one spot (although thanks to the North Koreans for trying to distract him with a missile launch).
The big story, however, is the dramatic, last-day runner-up finish of...(drumroll please)...THE LLDD-HYPHEN-L!!!
That's right, sweetie took second place, the first female ever to finish on the podium, soundly beating three former champions and four current FSOs in the process. I swear, there's no woman with a better hotness-to-Basketball I.Q. ratio than her. Damn right, I'm proud. To paraphrase Obama, "How much of a couch potato's fantasy is my wife!"
The LLDD-Hyphen-L, of course, was classy and graceful in her victory message board post: "OMG!!!....umm...how/where do i start? so this is how jennifer hudson felt when she won her 1st oscar and grammy awards! out of breath... out of words... out of... hey, wait a minute! where is my T-R-O-P-H-Y??? i want my trophy, now na! commish??? commish!!!"
(Yes, those "OMG" and Jennifer Hudson/Oscar/Grammy references will surely resonate with every guy who plays fantasy sports. My wife's breaking barriers, I'm telling you)
Indeed, this is just such a happy, historic moment, let's not mention anymore that the LLDD-Hyphen-L has beaten me - Commissioner of MetroManilaBalls - two out of the three years that she's been part of the league. Or that in my first ever Champions League (made up of winning managers from all over the world), I finished...dead last.
Just goes to show that in Fantasy, as in real life, we should all just listen to the wife.
I've always wondered why all those lame year-end "Best of..." lists are so popular. I mean, it couldn't be nostalgia, since all the crap listed happened, like, yesterday. And does the newsmedia really think it's readers are so dumb that they can't comprehend anything not grouped in tens? No, I think those year-in-reviews are everywhere because all writers face the same seasonal problem: they're already in holiday mode, are too smashed to think of anything new, yet still have a boatload of unused pictures/video that they didn't work into their original pieces (because they aren't that good writers to begin with; or because the pictures/videos suck).
Well, guess what! I'm nothing if not a holidayed/smashed/not good writer right now! (or, always). I have no new ideas and have sucky stock footage! Let's just randomly throw some old material together, put it in list form, and let the readers pick through the crap!
Yeah, something like this. Enjoy.
CEREMONIES, IN RETROSPECT, I SHOULD'VE SKIPPED
4. Monaco changing of the guard
Time may have been better spent -- visiting the casino, placing money on Pacquiao.
3. Olympics opening viewed from Phildel secretariat
Time may have been better spent -- trading national pins with Ya Show salesladies; they just make you feel so wanted!
2. PDOS graduation
Time may have been better spent -- teaching whoever took this video how to use a camera.
1. Expo Zarragoza opening
Time may have been better spent -- Let's be clear. The Expo Zarragoza opening fireworks were awesome. However, since I wasn't actually invited to the midnight opening ceremonies, I just shot this video from my hotel room window. And in said hotel room, I made an important discovery: late night free cable TV in Europe is very, ahem, interesting. And graphic.
PICTURES OF THE LLDDL THAT ARE SO GOING TO APPEAR IN OUR WEDDING PRE-NUP VIDEO
5. The "Hint Hint"
4. The "Blockhead"
3. The "Hot Biologist"
2. The "I Don't Want to be Chinita Anymore!"
1. The "What the Hell Goes on in Your Office Anyway?!?"
BEST COSTUMED CHARACTER TO POSE WITH
3. Mall Stormtrooper
Because I wasn't the dorkiest person with him around.
2. Disneyland Buzz
Because, with his limited arm range-of-motion, all he could do was the "Hail, hail alma mater" pose.
What made it hot -- For her opening number, Rihanna came out in a tangga. Really, you can't start off better than that.
What made it not -- During "Umbrella", some idiot in front held up - you guessed it - an umbrella. I really don't know what sort of thought process leads one to believe opening an umbrella is inherently clever, let alone think it's cool to block everyone's view for the entire song.Idiot.
What made it hot -- Adam Levine was at his smug douchiest.Plus, it was a school night, yet I managed to evade Pardek.
What made it not -- hehehe I was so into it, I didn't notice my weak, whiny voice overpowering the band's sound in the video. The LLDDL hated me for that.
What made it hot -- The producers thought it would rain so they hastily moved the concert indoors, giving the LLDDL and I much better seats than what we paid for. What made it not -- This annoying K.S.P. trying-hard socialite-type in front of us kept on loudly requestingAlicia to sing "To the left, to the left!"
What made it hot -- Believe it or not, after eight years of attending U.P., this was the first college fair I ever went to. And, damn, the place rocked! I now regret spending all those years playing Nintendo and pusoy dos at home.
What made it not -- That hilarious "emo" look. Long bangs, striped shirts, tight jeans and tsinelas? Really? You know who else looked like that back in the day? Rey "PJ" Abellana! and Leni "Arlene" Santos! And we laughed at them back then, too!!
GOOFIEST PLAYER PROFILE PICS FROM MY YAHOO FANTASY LEAGUES
5. Scott Pollard
Look that he's rocking -- That tall, mute bad guy in "Superman II"
4. Chris Quinn
Look that he's rocking -- "The Grinch", if you squint.
3. Mike Miller
Look that he's rocking -- Whatever look big-gummed, apple-cheeked, widow-peaked yet mulleted dudes are rocking these days
2. Glen "Big Baby" Davis
Look that he's rocking -- art imitating nickname, or some profound s*** like that.
1. Adam Jones
Look that he's rocking -- Narcolepsy
SIGNS/ADS SEEN IN AND AROUND THE HOME OFFICE THAT MAKE YOU GO WTF?
5. Ad for a Skin Care Chain
What they were probably thinking -- "I'm telling you, we have to protect the identity of our clients! Now, if we place a black strip across their eyes during the 'Before' stage, no one will ever, EVER be able to figure out who they are later! Let's do the right thing here!!!"
4. Sign for...well...
What they were probably thinking -- "They'll come for the facials, but stay for the dismemberment!"
3. Sign for a Beauty Parlor
What they were probably thinking -- "It's just like those musicals. Nothing pretentiously captures the essence of something like using 'The' in the title. Oh, and include men in the essence."
2. Sign at a Shoe Store
What they were probably thinking -- not sure, but I like to think this sign was made in a fit of anger by some husband after his wife's last shopping spree.
1. Sign for a Pet Store
What they were probably thinking -- is not fit for publication.
THINGS THAT JUST SOUND BETTER IN SAN REMO, ITALY
3. Free Town Plaza Concert
Could have been more magnifico if -- the opening guitar didn't sound so much like "First Picture of You."
2. Bikexercising
Could have been more magnifico if -- That roof wasn't in the way so I could have recorded more discretely and not seem like a perv. (BTW, the gym instructor seems to say a lot, but really, in stationary biking, aren't commands limited to "stand", "sit", "faster" and "chafe"?)
1. Infomercials
Could have been more magnifico if -- Nothing. This is absolutely perfect as is.
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