OK ZOOMER (BATCH CHRISTMAS EDITION)

12 batchmates in 10 countries over 10 time zones and I still somehow end up as the only/oldest guy who doesn't know how to work the camera/is under witness protection 

(*in computer-distorted voice* yes, Your Honor, these are the 11 individuals who harassed me out of my afternoon nap to talk about late-night parties, blind dates and bathrobes and other matters age-inappropriate to me)

FROM K-POP TO CAN-BRA

Soooo...our Embassy in Canberra must be looking to BTS (beat the Sydney), because their new Consul General is CRANIAL AGAIN! 

To recall, CRANIAL is a Korea/ASEAN expert -- and my batch/fantasy/basketball nemesis.  It's been years since we've sparred on anything, but it doesn't look like he's aged a day from then.  

 

or as he's described on the batch chat group, "parang pinabili lang ng suka sa kanto"

I look forward to our many Boy Band Dance Battles at the ACT/NSW DMZ

FASHIONALISM ACCESSORIES

I've said it before: nothing beats June for a worldwide rollout of the finest Philippine fiña...er, piña. The month's patriotic spirit and (generally) warm weather lead to a magical global display of Pinoy colors and creativity -- and look great on Embassies and Consulates' social media! 

Los Angeles PCG

(shout out to batchmate Rea!)

Ottawa PE

(shout out to batchmate Greg!)

Paris PE

(shout ooh la la!)

Now, y'all know me: I'm a certified fashion influencer and trendspotter (not to mention 80's icon). This year, I declare the Foreign Service Post photo-op must-have du jour to be....accessories. Your ternos and barongs are perfectly fine, dahlings, but if you truly want to win your vin d'honneur, you have to have a little extra something something. Like these "It" Posts!

San Francisco PCG - Custom Designed Kalayaan Scarves

(shout out to batchmate Reggie!)

Brunei PE - Rolls of Handwoven Indigenous Fabrics

(shout out to former fellow Office Concierge Star!)

Tel Aviv - Cobonpue Creations

(shout out to batch-below-but-knows-me-and-the-LLDD-Hyphen-L-from-way-back Judy!)

Tokyo PE - Models. Lots and Lots of High Fashion Models.

(shout out to batchmate Leah! all five feet of her! she's in there somewhere!)

Mabuhay, dahlings!

MY BATCH ISN'T BITTER. WE'RE NOT BITTER AT ALL

A year ago, it was the "World-Class Foreign Service" series.   Despite the best efforts of some batchmates to sneak in some bootleg versions, none of us ever got featured.

Moral: don't chase windmills.  Or exercise.

The department has now rolled out a new recruitment ad, one that showcases the diversity of FSO talents   

not to mention someone's mad digital photography and desktop publishing skillz 

Respect.  But I'd still match my batch's eclecticity(?) against anyone else's.  Among other professions, we got lawyers, a girls' high school math teacher, a stock broker/college professor, a call centre agent, a European languages expert, a couple of co-eds fresh out of college, and not one but two seminarians. Plus a fantasy basketball commissioner.  We're very well rounded is what I'm saying.  That plus our innate photogenic charms should merit us ad consideration, no?  We'll even make it easier for the decision makers and submit our own bootleg version.

   that person with the digital skillz will maybe just have to photoshop some abs

BATTLE OF THE BARONGS

It took me my full six-year term abroad to realize it -- Foreign Service Posts' annual Independence Day pictures are so much more awesome than Foreign Service Posts' annual Christmas pictures.   Maybe it's the historical significance of the occasion, the absence of photoshopped winter wonderland backgrounds, or the simple truth warm June weather = full Filipiniana > > > > ugly sweaters.  Whatever the reason, Philippine missions around the world upped their fashionalista game and were all like, it's on...like kalaya-ON.

LONDON

See, right there.   Other embassies and consulates shouldn't even think of bringing anything weak, not when my house just went frickin' epic.  I want to weep, run through a wall and get an Aguinaldo haircut just looking at it.  A diorama of this belongs in the Ayala Museum.

WASHINGTON

Ok fine, other missions brought it too. This picture's perfect symmetry, chair arc and comfortable fitting of so many people in obviously limited room width are particularly impressive.  High degree of difficulty.  

OTTOWA

Panalo ang backdrop.  Les Mis ang dating.

YANGON

Hand-on-Heart Stairs Cascade.  Yes.

CANBERRA

Hand-on-Heart Stairs Cascade while Ambassador rocks the Ray-ban. HELL. YES.

HONG KONG

Sturdy chair-wall of officers holding back the rising tide of civil servants behind them, waiting for the right time to open the floodgates of public service.  Dam.

WELLINGTON

Speaking of gates and fences. . .Hi, neighbours across the road!  Just lining up and having a flag-raising over here!


MILAN 

Sun's out, Polo Barong Guns out

PORT MORESBY

Call me a sentimental sap, but there's something quintessentially Filipino about holding a flag ceremony on a basketball court.

MANILA

Along those lines...'sup 'Dray.

This is not to say all Independence Day pics have to be so formal and uniform.  Sa araw ng kalayaan, you can take a few liberties (har!)    

NEW YORK

Instagram filtered.  Of course they did


CAIRO

Shot from below, assuring the viewer that the subjects are in total control of the situation.  Or maybe the tripod was just a bit short.  

SEOUL

Fish-eye?  Fish eye.


MOSCOW

The alternate road jerseys may not be traditional Filipiniana, but if you look closely you'll see the individual shirts working together to communally form an even larger Philippine flag.  On Independence Day, even casualwear practices Bayanihan.  

NAIROBI

And when the alternate road jerseys are this dope, even mis-timed jump shots are perfectly acceptable

KUALA LUMPUR

Selfies? No.  Selfie-noys? Yes.

And of course....there will always be....for 116 years and counting....ang walang kamatayan..."WACKY" 

RIYADH

More "Mabuhay!" than "Mag-wacky!", but the waving arms and circular formation ended up looking like a close-up of a gorgeous flower.  Well done.

VANCOUVER

Once you go plaque, you never go back


TORONTO

I count at least five different gang signs.  Yet they all get along.



(AND COMING FULL CIRCLE BACK TO) LONDON

"Papayag ba tayo magpatalo sa pag-wacky mga kapatid!?!"

"BLOODY HINDI!!!!"

Mabuhay!

PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN . . . (JANUARY)

ADMIN HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

After video review, the III has been ruled a II.

my foot was on the line

Yep yep, me and my batchmates were all duly promoted last January by the Department to the next higher rank, enabling us to knock one roman numeral off our FSO titles, call ourselves "Second Secretaries" rather than "the Third Secs", and make all the obligatory "Wala na akong Vice!" jokes with respect to our "Consul" tags. The pun implications of the promotion were truly significant.

It should have been a more joyous occasion for me, except at the time the promotion only served to reinforce my office concierge role, which in turn kept me so busy I wasn't even able to join the scheduled batch annual picture-picture.  Fortunately (or unfortunately), most everyone else in the Batch was also swamped with work, with only one guy able to take part, and behold his contribution to this year's chosen theme "Celebrate our Promotion - Jump Shot!"

we're getting old

LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY / LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

Never too young to be a fashionista, the LLDD-Hyphen-L always says.  So despite the freezing cold, the LLDD-Baby and I were bundled off to the Royal V & A Museum to see a special exhibition of some world famous dresses and ball gowns.  

Hm..? No, wala namam akong atraso sa LLDD-Hyphen-L when we went.  Why do you ask?

I have the same smile whenever I choose pizza toppings

The joke was on the LLDD-Hyphen-L, however, as the LLDD-Baby slept through the entire exhibit, and then woke up to, of all things, a strange flash-mob of people in full pirate regalia.  The LLDD-Baby probably now thinks the LLDD-Hyphen-L's fashion taste skews towards heavy eyeliner, skin-tight corsets and other apparatuses that push things "up"

No, baby.  That's what Dada wants Mama's wardrobe to skew towards.  

Wench, please.

         

MEME-ORIES, LIGHT THE CORNERS OF MY MIND. MESSY WATER COOLER MEME-ORIES....

While I've long advocated that the batch's annual around-the-world picture-picture should take place outdoors so that we can actually see what things look like, you know, around the world, I won't complain about this year's office mess meme-theme. It warmed my heart to see rooms were shambolic everywhere, and the corresponding crossfire comments on Facebook were sufficiently sarcastic and/or self-loathing to make me feel much better about my own squalor. Thanks, Batch!

Madrid

"My desk looks 'busy' because I haven't filed anything since 2011"
"Malamig? No heater?"

Singapore

"It is not my fault that IKEA had a pink-and-purple color theme going on the last time I went shopping for office decor."
"Ask your staff to give you folders only in purple"

San Francisco

"how does he get into his desk?"

"Pareho kami ng tanong. The answer: MAGIC!"

‎"With style. Always with style."

"Nagpose lang"

"I have to say - ang payat mo na. Nakakainis ka. Wag ka tatabi sa akin."

"I was more concerned about my pimple rather than what my desk looks like"

Canberra

"he looks serious"

"I've found that babies in the office are very useful for stamp and envelope moistening"

"With him at work, I have mastered how to type with one hand. Next time I rapporteur, I can bring him along."

"He hasn't aged a day (damn him)"

Islamabad

"Plantsadong plantsadong si mister. Wacky shot naman dyan!"

"Mahirap nang magpakuha ng wacky shot. Baka di na ako igalang ng local hire namin"

Vancouver

(no comments posted yet, but I would say that blue folder just plain gave up and burst its guts out)

Agana

"anlinis o!"

"totoo ba yan?"

"Maximalist painting! I remembered something from cadetship!"

Hong Kong

"I can understand the masks and the Palawan pic but a chicken on your desk??? what the.."

Dubai

"I am scarred by the thought that he actually has a Jacuzzi in his bathroom"

"I thought you were going to pose IN the jacuzzi"

"It's a picture of a bathtub, yet i feel so...dirty"

Athens (newly assigned batchmate first reporting for duty that day)

"Amoy pintura pa ba?"

London

"Because my desk's too messy to Plank, and because I want to see our Dubai batchmate Leisure Dive into his office jacuzzi"

O, 'di-Bow? Sa uulitin batch!