7.15.2007

TRAVEL ADVISORY...NOT ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES

So one of my big pet peeves is when one country issues a “Travel Advisory” against another country, like when Country X warns its nationals about Country Y with a statement like “THE SKY IS FALLING!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! WE’RE NOT SURE WHERE AND HOW, BUT – HOOO BOY!!! IT COULD BE A DOOZY!!! WELL, NO, Y’ALL DON’T HAVE TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW … WE’RE ACTUALLY NOT TOO SURE OF THINGS OURSELVES . . . WE THINK IT WILL BE IN A MONTH WITH AN “R” . . . BUT STILL . . . FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY . . . LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING!!! I MEAN, WE’VE SEEN THE AMBIGUOUSLY WORDED INTELLIGENCE REPORTS!!! THEY USED THE WORD “SUGGEST”, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!!....oh the humanity….”

You know, something subtle like that.

I know these advisories are well-intentioned, but a lot of times they’re exaggerated, not in the proper context, or just flat-out wrong.

In the meantime, Country Y can kiss hosting that international dentists convention goodbye.

My bigger pet peeve is when some know-it-all columnist, deejay, professor, talk-show mainstay, cab driver, etc actually rides on a Travel Advisory bandwagon and rags on his/her own country without so much as a fact check or an alternative solution, as if pure whining would cure all that ailed us.

My BIGGEST pet peeve . . . is Annabelle Rama, but that’s neither here nor there.

No, what really gets me is when some pompous, pretentious, portentous Filipinos get so into shallow-minded self-loathing that they haughtily use “Hay, naku…Only in the Philippines” (bonus peeve points if the blowhard smugly and self-satisfiedly says the phrase like he/she came up with it).

Because to me, if the height of your social insight is using “Only in the Philippines” to finish your commentary, then you’re on the same intellectual level (and circle of hell) as those people who think they win arguments by using “He-lloooo?”, “Nya-uh” or any other catchphrase they’ve seen on “Friends”.

Anyway, I’ve always daydreamed of a cheap local cable-access show where some likeable guys would humorously put things in perspective by calling out other countries that have problems all too familiar to Filipinos. I’d call it “Travel Advisory … NOT only in the Philippines” (in case I wasn't obvious enough). Think Daily Show meets Bubble Gang meets Wayne’s World (heck, maybe Tia Carrere herself can guest host; she says she’s Filipina).

The point of the show would not be to gloss over our very real troubles or knock other countries down, but just to get the “Only in the Philippines” crowd to – as my old law school classmate used to say – “Hey, relax; take a break; you don’t have to be an asshole all the time.”

I'll even get the ball rolling. Check out the following recent stories an “Only in the Philippines” peabrain would pounce on. Then click the link, and you may be surprised to see where the story actually came from.

* Garbage? We don't need your steenking garbage!

* Man, next thing you know, scrap metal thieves will start stealing stadium bleachers...oh, wait.


* Dengue. Your welcome.

* Rate low on those country corruption indexes? Apparently, it's just a matter of perspective.

* I've heard of pirate waters, but this is ridiculous.

* Squatter...meet police truncheon. Police truncheon...meet squatter.

* "Terror strike" sounds bad enough. But when the "terror" bit is actually an entirely separate story from the "strike", you know your country's having a bad news day.

* Scam scam bo-bam, banana bama bo-bam, fi fi fo fam. Scam!

* Carnap implies sleep, laziness even. We prefer the term carbirth.
(and don't go expecting Robocop to save your ass. He might be on the take too)


So how you doing? Could I BE any more peeved? I KNOW! Oh….my….Gawd!


7.08.2007

IT'S SATURDAY, I MUST BE IN SINGAPORE




Or should I say, Ka-ching!apore?

Because - in the name of all that is Pirates of the Caribbean - this place is
rich!

(BTW, if it turns out I invented "Ka-ching!apore", I'm claiming royalties)

They've built everything they need here in Ka-ching!apore TM from scratch, placed them neatly all over the city, refined and improved them over and over and over until . . .

Let me put it this way: When we we there in June, they were already using live jet aircraft and full fireworks during daily rehearsals for their National Day.

Which is in August.

That
, my friends, takes some serious coin.

Speaking of coin, someone tell me if its OK to give money to street musicians here in Ka-ching!apore TM. I was walking along the river and passing under a bridge, a family of (possibly) locals walking just ahead of me, when I heard a man with a guitar and an open case singing Jim Croce's "I Had to Say I Love You in a Song". As I passed him, I happened to have my hand in my pocket and felt two small coins. Reflexively, I tossed the money in the guitar case (I mean, he was stylin' Jim Croce, man!), where it made a distinct clink when it hit other coins.

Well! The moment the clink sound resonated in the tunnel, the father and the mother of the family walking ahead of me spun their heads around and gave me absolute dagger looks. The mother, in particular, kept on glaring at me even as she kept walking. She looked like she could have walked straight into a lampost and still held her stare as if I were ripping heads off teddy bears.

Talk about awkward. But really, I just want to say to Ka-ching!apore TM: I came in peace! I meant no harm! I like your city! I really do!

Now, about those royalties...



View from our hotel. So-called "Durian" complex at left. I am all for naming buildings after fruit.


Sculpture called "The First Generation." (little known prequel to Star Trek: The Next ... oh, never mind)


The famous Singapore street food was as good as advertised. A diplomat gives his swig of approval.


The elongated skyscrapers along the river and against the blue sky reminded me of Chicago a lot (as if I know Chicago that well. I spent only 15 minutes on street level there when I was travelling by train to the West Coast. Still, I've seen a lot of "E.R.")


I'm thinking of starting a segment in this blog called "No matter where you are in the world...". The first entry: no matter where you are in the world, the bride will ask the bridesmaids to wear an unfortunate shade of powder blue.


That's it...make love to the camera...feel that lawn...look out for those ants...


Inside of our hotel. It's actually a converted post office, and looks a lot like Liwasan Bonifacio from the outside (but with a much better buffet)


Nice side event during this trip: I got to meet up with the LLDD's sister and her family for a birthday dinner. Huge burgers, great beer, good fun. Here, one of the LLDD's nephews attacks a mall fountain.


Photo of LLDD taken by the LLDD's sister. Obviously, she's also of the pack-as-many-landmarks-in-the-frame-even-if-everything-ends-up-tiny school of photography. Runs in the family, I guess.





The highlight of every trip abroad: meeting the compatriots. The PhilDel is always greeted like rockstars whenever it meets with the community, we bring pleasant news from back home, and a good time is had by all. Here, we rock out to the theme from "Pinoy Big Brother"

7.02.2007

NEW OFFICIAL THEME SONG / VIDEO

It's like people actually make these videos with me in mind



It's good to be The Manny.