10.07.2007

SPORTS / STADIUM PATRIOTISM a.k.a. MANNYS BEING MANNYS

One of the chores of an FSO is pulling watch duty on a weekend. No one really wants to go to the office on a Saturday and a Sunday, but something's always happening somewhere, and someone has to stand guard. Every duty officer, of course, HOPES for a quiet, crisis-free shift, but when that happens . . . well . . . you can only read so many minutes of meetings before you go cross-eyed.

I got one such duty last weekend. Fortunately, my lunchbreaks were punctuated by two great sports moments. On Saturday, I caught Manny Ramirez hit a walk-off homer in game two of the playoffs between the Sox and the Angels. Now, I don't follow baseball that much, but even I figured the game wouldn't go past that at-bat. I just KNEW. And sure enough, Manny obliged with a crushing homerun. I liked that Manny just stood there with both hands in the air for a few seconds, like my baby nephew when we sing "I Have Two Hands." Utter joy from the fans, too.

Then on Sunday, I got to see Manny Pacquiao destroy Marco Antonio Barrera. I, like I guess every other Filipino, drop everything for a Pacquiao fight, not just for the boxing itself, but because it's the only thing the Philippines has in what I call "Sports / Stadium Patriotism." These are those sporting events that somehow just become so big, they bring whole countries to a halt and entire peoples together. You know you're entering an SSP moment when, whether you're a fan of the sport or not, you don't talk about anything but the upcoming match, yet you're also hyper-conscious of saying the wrong thing that might jinx the home side. You're suddenly a Know-It-All AND a Babbler. And everyone else in the country is just like you.

The beauty of SSP is that it can't miss in its unifying effect. Win, and everyone celebrates. Literally the entire country goes Yeeaaahhhh!!!! at the same key moments of the game. Lose, and everybody is still one . . . in whining. It was the stupid manager's fault! The ref screwed us! We were distracted by Britney losing her kids! No one really agrees who to blame, but at least there's national consensus: we have to blame SOMEONE.

Other countries have regular doses of SSP, usually through Football. Unfortunately, that sport's not working for us right now (although I got a small taste of what unity-through-the-beautiful-game must be like, when the LLDDL and I watched a women's SEAG match, and the packed stadium absolutely erupted when the Philippines scored early; too bad it was our only goal in a 1-5 loss). The Philippines has basketball, but most of the recent international tournaments have been played too far away to register in the national consciousness. Our success at other sports during the last SEAG was great (I won't forget skipping cadetship with my batchmates to go to the raucous arena next door and watch tae-kwon-do, highlighted by a knockout win by a Filipina jin where the opponent totally crumpled to the floor after taking a perfect spinning, flying stomach kick), but we'll have to wait at least 10 long years before we get to host - and feel that sort of SSP - again.

Which brings us back to Pacquiao-Barrera II. Hyped no end. A genuine national treasure involved. An opponent from a country that must hate us by now for kicking their boxing ass on a regular basis. You certainly don't need me making any suggestions how to make the whole thing a better SSP experience.

Oh, alright.

1) Only foreigners should refer to Manny as "Pacman". Pinoys should always call him Pambansang Kamao. It's more nationalistic, and let's face it, Kamao sounds hard ass. (Mexicans already properly address him as "Republica Enemy No. 1")

2) There has to be a referendum on Pacquiao's entrance music. I'm thinking just loop the opening of Black Eyed Peas' Bebot. Imagine thousands jumping and screaming "Filipino! Filipino! Filipino! Filipino!" My second choice would be that part of Bamboo's song that yells "Hoy! Pinoy Ako!" My 1,742nd choice would be "Boom-Tarat-Tarat".

3) By all means, trot out our best singers for the National Anthem. Our singer owned Mexico's singer (although it's really cool when Mexicans hold their palms and forearms horizantally across their chests during their anthem). The U.S. singer, meanwhile, treated the Star Spangled Banner like her American Idol audition piece. I've said it a thousand times, a National Anthem is not supposed to be an opening act! Just sing it!

4) We also need a better sporting chant. When the fighters came out for round one, Barrera fans yelled "Me-hee-co! Me-hee-co!" Very inspiring (if I were Mexican). Pinoys, on the other hand, had "Man-ny! Man-ny!", and nothing else. "Manny" worked this time, but what if we have to cheer a team, or a golfer named Luzviminda? During the SEAG women's football match, they tried out "Go RP, Go RP, GO!" Ummm ... I don't think the opposing side understood, much less got intimidated by, "arpee". I propose co-opting the U.P. cheer and turn it into "Go! Re-pub-li-ka! Ng Pee-lee-pee-nas!" Catchy, and even highlights the fact that we're a Republic (while subtly digging at athlete factory countries that aren't =)

There are a lot of up and coming Pinoy boxers (the next wave of great Filipino fighters) on the way, another SEAG is approaching in Thailand this December, and "Desperate Housewives" has rallied Pinoys like never before. I think we'll have a lot more chances to improve our SSP in time for the next Pacquiao fight.

Either that, or wait for my next weekend duty.

10.04.2007

DESPERATE DIPLOMATS

That dis on "Desperate Houswives" will die down soon enough. I'm just glad Philippine officials - including one of my former bosses at the home office - went 'round the world rapid response on them and fired back with diplomatic versions of "Oh NO you diduhn't!"

(Throw down, Ma'am Mary Jo! THROW DOWN!)

Besides, if you're one of the show's writers, should you make cheap jokes about ANY doctors if your stars looked liked this? And this?

I mean, as early as last year, SNL's Weekend Update said something like, "ABC today renewed 'Desperate Housewives' for another three seasons, after which it will spin-off into 'Nip/Tuck'".

So I guess they'll all be visiting a surgeon's office again REAL soon. They'd better HOPE those diplomas come from our med schools!