HALL ABOUT THAT

There's this hall in the Home Office that's become my favorite place to pass through...

...not just because its lighting and layout allow me to pretend I'm a rebel in the corridor of Princess Leia's blockade runner getting ready to be boarded by Darth Vader...

...but also because the hall's lined the whole way with truly cool historical images...

...including definitive visual proof that my batchmate JOIN EVASION ‘COS NASA AJAR is a time-traveller/immortal/witch who hasn't aged a day since he was around to witness the signing of the U.N. Charter...

...or as another batchmate put it, "parang si Wonder Woman!"

IT'S THURSDAY, I MUST BE IN HONG KONG

My first foreign trip since my recall!  And I don't have much to report! Seriously, my feelings towards Hong Kong have already been well-documented, and it was literally just an overnight visit for me this time around so I didn't get to see or do much. All I have to add about Hong Kong now is...

...their huge infrastructure in such tight spaces continues to amaze me...

...our Consulate has a great location...

...and our cars had freakin' elevators!

For some reason, this made me very happy.

Actually, I do have a little story from my trip to the Consulate.  My doppelganger "Cat" is posted here! Now, you would think that with the passage of time, loss/gain of weight, and changing of the hipster eyeglasses, there wouldn't be any more occasion for the body-switching, mistaken-identity shenanigans of the past.

You would think.

So I'm in "Cat's" office at the Consulate, waiting for a meeting to start. I'm standing with a staff member at a little receiving area at the front of "Cat's" room, while he works at his desk at the back.  I want to check e-mails on my phone, so I ask the staff member if I could access the wi-fi.  The staff member doesn't know the password, so she calls up the Consulate's I.T. guy and asks him to come to the room.

Consulate I.T. guy arrives at the receiving area.  He walks straight up to me and the staff member, and appears to be in a mildly grumpy mood.  The staff member tells him "Gusto malaman ni sir kung ano yung wi-fi password."

Without hesitation, Consulate I.T. guy looks and points his finger straight at me, and in a stern voice says "Eh, alam na niya! Dati ko na binigay sa kanya!"

A split-second later, Consulate I.T. guy recognizes "Cat" working in the back, does a double-take at me, and then blushes the brightest an I.T. guy can blush.

S'all good, I.T. guy.  I'm actually hoping Clarkson makes the same mistake and sends me Cat's courtside tickets

SOME MIND BLOWING "ADJUSTMENT BUREAU"-LIKE STUFF JUST WENT DOWN

(alternate title: "It's Been A While Since I Last Linked Myself to Matt Damon")

Follow me down this rabbit hole, if you dare.

1) Out of the blue, a London daily publishes an article singing the praises of a spa resort in Palawan.

2) By complete coincidence, the night before that paper came out, the Embassy hosted the launch of a children's fantasy book that was set in and inspired by the author's stay at the very same island featured in the article.

3) Unbeknownst to us, one of the visitors at the book launch that night was a Filipina-British actress . . .

4) . . . famous for playing a Filipina-British nurse on a popular drama series . . .

5) . . . whose first 0:15 seconds of dialogue might sound familiar, because a certain blogger wrote the following over a year ago:

DAY TWO* getting several media inquiries about the events, but nothing matches a bbc call from a while back. the producers of the drama "holby city" phoned me to ask what's tagalog for "lots of love". apparently a pinoy character was calling home and that was her goodbye. i struggled for a minute (you try it!) and just said the closest thing we got was "ingat" or "mahal ko kayo". it was either that or the jologs "love lots".

6) . . . a blogger that in his dreams bears a striking resemblance to the star of a just-released fate/coincidence/cause/effect-themed movie described as " 'Bourne' meets 'Inception' "

I just "Bureau"-ed your mind.

TULOY ANG "FIGHTBACK"

Bloody brilliant, Manny. And I'm not just referring to Cotto's systematic destruction -- that was expected (and won me ten pounds). No, I'm talking more about your subsequent spine-tingling rendition of "You Raise Me Up" that brought tears to this LLDD's eyes.

(I'm not sure if the clip has been shown back home, but Sky Sports News here in London has great, nay, surreal footage of Manny walking back to his dressing room from the ring immediately after the fight -- still in his trunks, sweaty and shirtless -- running into some Celine Dion-esque woman singer in the halls, making eye-contact, and then spontaneously breaking out the Josh Groban. Not only that, he owns the ensuing duet, steering the Vegas singer when to go high or when to go second-voice by sheer force of kilay. I mean, he just finished trading punches for 12 freaking rounds, and then effortlessly slides into easy-listening like it ain't no thing? Now that's a man.)

Such awesomeness. The least our humble little diplomatic mission can do then, Manny, is follow your lead, continue with the "fightback", and indeed help raise the country up from the storm. You do it with your fists, voice and moustache, we'll do it with our, um, promotional activities.

Not quite the same, I know, but, hey, I am strong when I am on your shoulders and all that, right?

British Publications

Sublime Magazine, September 2009

Best Line: "The briefing was short and to the point, boiling down to 'no touching, and stay out of the way of the tail' "

LLDD Commentary: Funny, that's also what they said at the restraining order hearing.

TNT Magazine, October 2009

Best Line: (aside from a band called "Wolfmother", you mean?) "The amphitheatre of mountains encircling the village was cloaked in electric lime-green striped by stone walls"

LLDD: Substitute "cloaked in electric lime-green striped by stone walls" with "cloaked in electric lime-green striped by stone-washed", and you just described every soiree outfit of mine from the 80s.

Waterlife, October-December 2009

Best Line: "Everywhere we were treated with garlands of flowers and big smiles, and on one occassion a giant stilt!"

LLDD Commentary: I would genuinely like to meet that mayor who, during council meetings, thinks along the lines, "You know what tourists don't get enough of? Stilts. Like, big-assed ones."

World Travel Market, November 2009

At the second largest travel mart in the world, our tourism people were kept very busy throughout the event by international promoters, operators and dealmakers -- a very good sign for the country. And as always, the Philippine booth wasn't just there, it represented. To wit, it had the bright, airy and friendly feel of someone's favorite neighborhood cafe . . .

Whereas other regions went with . . .

. . . that warm office-cubicle look . . .

. . .kinda-out-of-place-inside-a-convention-center mock ups. . .

. . . or the cozy, cozy feel of an SM appliance showroom.

Even for those booths that had awesome gimmicks like live falcons, if you looked closely at the back at what people were carrying . . .

. . . mwe he he he. Sa amin rin galing ang mga bitbit nyo.

And don't try to out-adorable the Pinoy booth, Lithuania. Just don't.

Finally, as an added bonus at the Philippine booth, I discovered the long-lost twin of Siouxsie, one my batchmates who's given me a lot of grief through the years over my supposed resemblance to "Kat". Behold then: my batchmate Siouxsie (here examining the LLDDL's ring). . .

. . . and her newfound twin (here examing the Philippine booth's catering needs) . . .

Ha! Who's making "twin" jokes now, Siouxsie? Who's laughing NOW!?!

Philippine Generations Charity Gig, November 2009

We wrap things up with a fund raising event held by the Philippine Generations, that group of second generation Fil-Brits who I always try to be a part of so that I can seem young and hip by association. They lined up a pretty cool array of performances, from former Miss Saigon castmembers performing Bayan Ko, to X-Factor semi-finalists "Truecolors" doing some song I'm too uncool to know the title of, to rap-group "Lyrico Supremo" sampling a really cool tribute song for the storm victims.

But in the end, there can only be one Brit -- father of the Philippine Generations' chairman, no less -- and his rendition of . . . Anak

Somewhere, Manny is smiling to himself and quietly nodding in approval.

LAME LAWYERS OF THE WORLD . . . UNITE!

You've heard of a "Googleganger"? It's someone well-known who happens to share your name on the web, so that any time people try to Google you, its the other person who pops up. It's a real problem for people trying to establish themselves online but who have a Googleganger who's far more popular. Or a pornstar.

I already gave up using my real name on the web because my Googleganger is some hotshot skateboarder with a gazillion fansites. I'd use my complete name, but it rearranges into "Good! Amaze Monumental Chunk!", and I can't handle an anagram telling me I'm fat. I just can't.

So I had high hopes for "Lame Lawyer / Dorky Diplomat." Like I said in my first blog post, how many of us could there be? (even including Warren Christopher)

Imagine, then, the sick feeling in my stomach when I recently discovered there was a ... (gasp!) ... "www.lamelawyer.com"

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only does it exist, it kicks the LLDD's ass. Consider:

*** Its avowed purpose: to expose the seedy underbelly of that notorious global hotbed of legal shenanigans. . .um. . .Adams County, Illinois. Don't take my word for it, hear what lamelawyer has to say:

"Here you will find legal info pertaining to issues of practicing attorneys and how some of the selected few have a tendency to play nice with each other and cover for each others misconduct while bilking their clients with bogus legal fees. This site is for cases and situations where lawyering itself, and a lawyer's questionable billing practices may be at stake or thrown 'under the light'. Additionally, this site is owned and operated by one that embraces what others fear."

Right there, I'm screwed. I do not embrace what others fear. I FEAR what others fear! Those others are usually on to something!

*** Not only does lamelawyer have an FAQ, it's far more entertaining than anything I have ever written. A sample:

Q. Why are legal terms in latin?

A. The Roman empire set the framework for modern law as we know of it. Latin was the language of the Romans and at one time they wanted everyone to think and act as they did. In some degree, if you practice law, you're thinking as a roman did. That's one of the reasons that today's lawyers love throwing latin phrases around in an attempt to make themselves look "smart" and to possibly get you to think like they do.

My finding is that using and learning latin really helps in a mnemonic fashion to "hotkey" legal terms. For instance, one word can represent one sentence or phrase as It's a very succinct language in nature, and seems to come in handy when you're pressed for time (in a foot dragging legal system). It levels things out "time wise". Or it can make getting your point across an efficient process. For example, try saying "toy boat" three times really fast. Then say it in latin three times "logica navis navis". See? It does make communication easier and more efficient. Try it in the drive thru sometime.

(I did try it in a drive thru! All the girl in Jollibee had to say was, "Sir, willing to wait?")

*** Lamelawyer says there are 127 lawyers in Adams County. That means the site has at least 126 more readers than I do! (although to be fair, lamelawyer admits "the number is subject to change due to the aging population of those licensed to practice")

So case closed. I ain't messing with lamelawyer. From now on, I'm just LLDD (like Kentucky is now KFC). If he comes looking for me, tell him ego sursum lex pro skateboarding*

(* I gave up law for skateboarding)

YOU DAMON!

So the LLDDL and I were walking through an upscale plaza after a family lunch, when a girl and two guys walked up to the LLDDL and made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

"Would you want to appear in a fashion magazine?" they ask.

"What took you so long?" she answered.

As with many girls, I suppose, the LLDDL had childhood dreams of walking runways, pouting for cameras, and otherwise developing eating disorders. So when she was approached for an impromptu photo shoot, she left treadmarks getting to her designated close-up spot.

I watched from the sidelines as the LLDDL absolutely LIT UP the camera, having great fun while she was at it.

It was such an enjoyable scene, I completely forgot to take a picture of it.

When the LLDD was through - after maybe 2 gigs worth of photos - the crew suddenly turned to me and asked "Would you want to appear too?"

well...

As with many boys, I suppose, the LLDD had childhood dreams of walking runways, pouting for cameras, and otherwise developing eating disorders. So when he was approached for an impromptu photo shoot ... how does "Atty. Zoolander, FSO IV" sound?

The LLDDL, being a better person than I, captured the moment for posterity. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, or what the guy with the car windshield reflector was for, but I think I did ok for a guy with chins in the multiple of threes.

Heck, I thought it was such a hoot I even tried a personal appearance trick they taught during cadetship where you fold your arms with palms outward and resting above the biceps (instead of underneath the armpits). I think we all agree . . . I look ridiculous.

Still, all in all, it was an ego-enriching experience. So it was just gravy when the very next day my cousin - who works in showbiz, mind you - texted my sister "Hey cuz! I just saw Oceans 13. Tell (me) he looks so much like Matt Damon! Cheers :)"

(head...swelling...chest...puffing...nostrils...flaring...)

To be honest, the LLDDL had mentioned an alleged resemblance long before my cousin texted, but I always thought she just wanted jewelry or something. My old office staff also said the same thing whenever they wanted me to approve their sick leaves. But this was the first time someone detached and impartial (and showbiz-y!) ever made the astute observation.

(BTW, I wonder what "Cat" makes of all this?)

When things subsided a bit - oh, about three weeks later - I immediately searched for an ideal Matt Damon pic for the blog masthead TO SUBTLY REMIND EVERYONE THAT SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK I RESEMBLE MATT DAMON. I could've picked one from the Ocean's trilogy, but thought Jason Bourne was a better fit because he goes from embassy to embassy and kicks ass.

POSTSCRIPT: There's still a chance we'll get to see how the LLDDL's shoot turned out. The photo crew remarked that she too looked like someone famous, i.e., the billionaire publisher of the magazine where our photos will (hopefully) appear. Judge for yourself:

The LLDDL

The Billionaire Publisher

I suppose being the lookalike of a billionaire publisher increases the LLDDL's chances of getting in a magazine, but it might also increase the risk of her getting kidnapped or something.

Of course, she could always call on Jason Bourne to rescue her.

SEEING DOUBLE-D

The first whispers came during cadetship. One of our handlers said I reminded her of a previous cadet. Then another handler said the same thing. Then another. And another.

I shrugged it off. Made the same "ang swerte naman n'ya" jokes over and over. After all, I've reminded people of other people before, from the star of the Buffy spin-off "Angel" (according to the LLDDL, when she's in a generous mood), to the comics' Archie Andrews (according to a law school classmate; I don't get that one either).

Still, I was intrigued. He was pointed out to me from afar, and I guess he had some resemblance to me in terms of height (above average), build (chiseled), eyes (needs glasses, but piercing underneath) and skin tone (sensually white, creamy). I also found out my purported look-alike - who I shall refer to as "Cat" - was himself a lawyer and a diplomat. Another LLDD! Oh, he was really on my turf now!

And then it started happening. More and more people didn't just think I looked like "Cat", they actually thought I was "Cat"! I'd walk into an office and a Senior Official would discuss with me details of a meeting that I never attended (but that "Cat" did). A new cadet would congratulate me for my upcoming foreign posting, when I'm nowhere near eligible (but "Cat" is). A batchmate of mine - who was carpooling with me and had just stepped down from my car - literally did a double take when she saw "Cat" drive up in the parking lot; her perplexed face was somewhere between "why'd the LLDD switch cars?" and "what the f...?"

Turns out, "Cat" was having the same problems. After I returned from China, someone greeted welcome back...to "Cat". Another new cadet engaged "Cat" in an extended conversation in the elevator, all the while calling him by my name.

So we really have a situation here. I could take the low road and just kill off my replicant, ala "The Prestige"... or ... I could take the lower road and assume "Cat's" identity, take his foreign posting, and fly off to a faraway place for a couple of years, ala "Gattaca".

You know what . . . I always liked Uma Thurman. So could I pull it off? Judge for yourself. Here's the only known picture of "Cat" and me in the same room at the same time.

"Cat's" the one on the left.

Or is he?

Bonus Double-D! During the Cebu Summit, I couldn't get over how one of the foreign delegates looked exactly like the LLDDL's youngest sister. Here's the LLDDL's sister below:

And here's a picture I took of the delegate at the summit:

I hope the delegate someday stumbles on this blog, just so she knows I wasn't stalking her around Cebu

It was "Cat"