I dutifully (and stressfully) adapted to the whole cars-are-right-hand-drive-and-travel-on-the-left-side-of-the-road scheme here in the UK. It will make for some interesting times once I'm back on the counterflow-on-demand streets of Manila.
In the meantime, I still don't know the correct side to move on when I'm not in a car. I always thought every place in the world would intuitively follow its own road set-up, i.e., if your country drives on the left side of the road, your pedestrians would walk on the left side of the sidewalk/staircase/concourse, and vice-versa.
Not here in London. I see just as many throngs shuffle through the right side as they do the left. Some Tube stations have signs that direct you à gauche...
...yet people in two-way staircases always seem to instinctively drift à droite.
...yet people in two-way staircases always seem to instinctively drift à droite.
What does it matter? Well, I've seen (and been involved in) a lot of awkward walking bump-ins over the years, and each time there's a split second where you can feel some righteous indignation/rage about to boil over, only for it to instantly drain away upon realization that neither person knows for sure whether they were on the correct side. Hilarity ensues.
Don't ever figure it out, London, is what I'm saying.
2) What's that knob on the side of the bus for?
On the exterior of every London double-decker is this thingie:
I have no idea what it's for. My best guess is that it helps hold in place the splashy advertisements on the side of the bus. But if so, don't the layout artists factor in the knob's location when they make their designs? Often it blends right in, flattering even
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A lot of other times though, it's...not
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3) Is there really a person...oh my God!
From almost my first month in London, I've seen signs like this on a fairly regularly basis:
From almost my first month in London, I've seen signs like this on a fairly regularly basis:
I've been going back and forth on what it really means ever since. At first, I took it literally: someone must have taken a tragic fall somewhere. But then, similar notices continued to come quite frequently over the years and were delivered over the PA system rather nonchalantly, so I began to think they were just euphemisms for any accident that caused some delay. Then again, why? Why of all possible ways to refer to an incident go with...that?
I mean, what would you make of this announcement at a Tube station I distinctively remember from a while back: "There are severe delays on the District Line because of a person earlier under a train, while there are minor delays on the Central Line because of another person under a train"?
um...
4) So you're basically saying there could still be a lot of people out there unhappy with how they look?
I don't know why this bugs me, but it does. It appears cosmetic products are the staple advertisements of every TV reality or talent show over here (um, so I've heard; nothing but Downton Abbey and Question Time touch my stiff upper lip). And it appears local truth-in-advertising laws require the cosmetic companies to back up their "younger looking" and "more refreshing" claims with real-people surveys. Fine. What always surprises me is how consistently low these giant conglomerates set the bar for their products' campaigns.
That's it?!? You're promoting your product to millions of people, and you can only be bothered to survey around a hundred of them? You spend millions of pounds in product development and promotion, and your satisfaction rate barely cracks 70%?
I'm sorry, but even our Consulate interviews a 114 people before lunch. And if your approval rating is lower than my fantasy team's Free Throw Percentage, I'm just not going try your product.
(I may, however, still watch your reality and talent show)
5) What do you have against lunch?
First of all, you start it at 1:00 p.m., an hour later than nature intended. Second, I'm guessing all those yuppies spilling outside the pubs during their lunch hour aren't even having any lunch (that's not a complaint, by the way; more of admiration as to how you get away with it)
My biggest peeve, though, is the reckless way the phrase "Substantial Lunch Buffet" is thrown around. That should be the most beautiful three-word combination in the English language, and I literally wept the first time I received an invitation card that had "a substantial lunch buffet will be served" scribbled in gold font at the bottom. Yet imagine my feeling of...I don't even know the proper word for it...when every "substantial lunch buffet" event I've ever been to just comes out and serves a a few trays like this:
Why? WHY??? It was supposed to be a buffet! A substantial one!!! I mean, aren't you violating some EU regulation or something? Saisaki feels insulted!
6) So what's the deal with UK Fil-Com groups' line dancing?
Because I can't think of anything else that can put a bounce in your step - literally! - the way the unexplained phenomena that is Pinoys in the UK grooving to "Achy Breaky Heart" can!
And yet, here we are.
Heck, they're even competing to see who's the best at it!
I guess there are just some things in life that I'm not meant to understand...but which will forever make me happy. So, so happy.
I mean, what would you make of this announcement at a Tube station I distinctively remember from a while back: "There are severe delays on the District Line because of a person earlier under a train, while there are minor delays on the Central Line because of another person under a train"?
um...
4) So you're basically saying there could still be a lot of people out there unhappy with how they look?
I don't know why this bugs me, but it does. It appears cosmetic products are the staple advertisements of every TV reality or talent show over here (um, so I've heard; nothing but Downton Abbey and Question Time touch my stiff upper lip). And it appears local truth-in-advertising laws require the cosmetic companies to back up their "younger looking" and "more refreshing" claims with real-people surveys. Fine. What always surprises me is how consistently low these giant conglomerates set the bar for their products' campaigns.
That's it?!? You're promoting your product to millions of people, and you can only be bothered to survey around a hundred of them? You spend millions of pounds in product development and promotion, and your satisfaction rate barely cracks 70%?
I'm sorry, but even our Consulate interviews a 114 people before lunch. And if your approval rating is lower than my fantasy team's Free Throw Percentage, I'm just not going try your product.
(I may, however, still watch your reality and talent show)
5) What do you have against lunch?
First of all, you start it at 1:00 p.m., an hour later than nature intended. Second, I'm guessing all those yuppies spilling outside the pubs during their lunch hour aren't even having any lunch (that's not a complaint, by the way; more of admiration as to how you get away with it)
My biggest peeve, though, is the reckless way the phrase "Substantial Lunch Buffet" is thrown around. That should be the most beautiful three-word combination in the English language, and I literally wept the first time I received an invitation card that had "a substantial lunch buffet will be served" scribbled in gold font at the bottom. Yet imagine my feeling of...I don't even know the proper word for it...when every "substantial lunch buffet" event I've ever been to just comes out and serves a a few trays like this:
Why? WHY??? It was supposed to be a buffet! A substantial one!!! I mean, aren't you violating some EU regulation or something? Saisaki feels insulted!
6) So what's the deal with UK Fil-Com groups' line dancing?
Because I can't think of anything else that can put a bounce in your step - literally! - the way the unexplained phenomena that is Pinoys in the UK grooving to "Achy Breaky Heart" can!
I'll totally admit: I did not see this one coming. I mean, c'mon, you certainly wouldn't think it was possible for everyone in a room at almost every Fil-Com event in the UK to somehow know all the steps and spontaneously join in like a scene from a 90's teen movie to - of all things - a country music song from a pre-twerked Billy Ray.
And yet, here we are.
Heck, they're even competing to see who's the best at it!
I guess there are just some things in life that I'm not meant to understand...but which will forever make me happy. So, so happy.
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