MORE BUS IN THE PHILIPPINES

Ain't it always the case? Just as you're about to complete a set, they go about changing the whole darn collection.

But, hey, who's complaining? Not when it's the Embassy's "Friends" that are doing the changin', and the new toys being rolled-out are the "It's More Fun in the Philippines" vehicles!!! 

  Decepticons the universe over just went "awwwwwwww"

Yebba!  We got seventy-frickin'-five of these bad boys now roaming the streets of London, not to mention 75 ad panels in Tube stations and over a 1,000 digital screens on taxis. Plus the older collector's items are still around!

So what you got, Warsaw PE, watchu got!?

(hehe, that's not really fair since we have a Tourism office on site in London and Warsaw doesn't.  I'm just so pumped!!!) 

The whole point of course of tricking out cabs and buses is for them to be seen and admired by as many people as possible, hence a spin around London was also arranged on the day of the launch.  An empty vehicle motorcade, however, might convey less "Fun" and more "Creepy", so we went about packing our wheels with some random fun-seeking passengers looking for a ride.

What?! They all happened to be dressed in Filipiniana?!  What a coincidence!!! 

As my ati-atihan outfit was still in the dry cleaners, I was not adequately attired to board the bus.  I was, however, able to take a short video of the (literal) rollout, which included the following highlights: 

• (0:07) I confuse our new catchy tourism jingle with our old catchy tourism jingle 
• (0:37) That's got to be the best piped-in music on a bus, ever 
• (1:20) Hunh. Sakay-baba ng pasehero sa gitna ng daan 
• (1:50) After nearly being sideswiped by the bus driver, I find comfort  in the taxi driver asking "You alright?", until I realize he was talking to the bus driver 
• (2:45) the hired Philippine bus makes singit in traffic...in front of  a random regular Philippine bus! Um, yeah, just like we planned it!

With apologies to the MMDA for the possible "swerving" 

Fun times indeed.  I was actually able to walk alongside the motorcade further down the street and all around Trafalgar Square, stopping only once I came across that nagging Olympic clock.  That was my cue to turn around and head back to work.  The new "More Fun" rides are great and all, but lest this office concierge forget, they were consciously launched in time for the impending London Games and the throngs coming over to watch them.      

Dammit Chloe, they're all on the wrong side of the road!!!

MY BEAUTIFUL DORK TWISTED FANTASY

The Olympic clock right outside the Embassy keeps ticking away, constantly nagging this office concierge that the games are just around the corner (dammit, Chloe!) -- yet I still don't know who will be coming over from the Philippines. Turns out the qualification competitions practically go all the way up the opening ceremonies, so I really can't tell how many athletes, coaches and officials will be arriving right until the last minute.

Ah, if only Olympic qualification was as simple as fantasy basketball: quantifiable, over by mid-April, disputes settled by profanity laced message boards, and above all......a Filipino lawyer/diplomat FTW!!!!!!!

I'm torn between getting Jessica Sanchez to sing the national anthem at my awarding ceremony, or hiring Spandau Ballet to yell "You. Are. Gold!" 

But what, you ask, of MetroManilaBalls, that 10 year-old FSO-laden league of which I am Sovereign? Fare thee well?  I can proudly say that this year I made deft use of all my fantasy commissioner powers -- entering into fantasy CBA negotiations, settling a fantasy players strike, signing a new fantasy TV deal -- and finished the league a fantastic...um, fourth.

Again.  Kinda makes me the fantasy Fulham.

Let us not, however, lose sight of what is truly important:  I destroyed the LLDD-Hyphen-L. That's right, for the second year running, I finished better than the better half.  No more holding your 2009 championship over me, sweetie!  

(OK, you gave birth and took care of the LLDD-baby the whole season. Still.)

adorable, but the only rose you should have been spending time on was derrick. ha! 

  

IT'S SATURDAY, I MUST BE IN....BELFAST

Ah, beautiful, historic Belfast. Where the immortal words "You're heeeeeeeeere, there's na-AAAAAA-thing I fear" worked on so many levels. Consider:

THE WORK

Another month, another far-flung consular outreach mission.  Past missions of the Embassy to Belfast were famously busy, exhausting and frenzied, but this year turned out to be quite smooth and manageable, not the least because of a veteran consular staff that was so seasoned and tested, they literally rolled off the van, set up the equipment and began taking in clients in under 10 minutes. I liked to pretend the clackity-clack of cameras, computers and printers swiftly being snapped into place was one of those Rambo-assembling-his-rifles scenes.

Although even Rambo would not have stood a chance against the kids' Calvin-picture taking (at least, not without dangling some magic susi)

My favourite, most satisfying part of the job: welcoming kababayans back to the Motherland's fold. In larger groups, there will always be someone who says hay salamat, Pilipino na uli, then there will be another who replies hindi naman talaga nawala sa puso ang pagka-Pilipino, eh.  I may or may not begin weeping and hug someone at this point.  Anyway, we're often asked what are the requirements to re-acquire/retain one's citizenship.  Quite simple really, all you need are: 1) completed forms; 2) oath of allegiance; and 3) dramatic backlighting.  

I only post these pictures because I've been told I have a face for radio (and a voice for blogging)

THE CITY CENTRE

Considering its storied and eventful past, the city was quite peaceful, relaxing and pleasant.  Indeed, there were strong indications while we were in Belfast that once deeply divided groups had finally come together and settled their differences once and for all.  I'm talking of course, of that weekend's New Kids On The Block/Backstreet Boys unification concert.

AND FINALLY, THE MASTER OF DISASTER

With some hours to spare before our return flight to London, the team had a chance to pass by Belfast's spanking new museum built to mark the 100th anniversary of the Titanic's one and only voyage.   We didn't actually have time to go inside, but it was obvious from the crowds coming out that the exhibits were sufficiently moving and touched the public's century-old fascination with the tragedy.    

Jack and Rose, however, were not quite able to re-create their magic

JACK BAUER'S "24" CLOCK WOULD NOT HAVE STOOD FOR ANY OF THIS

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 400 DAYS AGO AND MY LUNCH BREAK THIS AFTERNOON

(blip...blip...blip...blip...blipblipblipblipblipblliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip)

400 days ago: Almost right outside the Embassy in Trafalgar Square, London unveils its Olympic countdown clock to mark 500 days 'til the start of the games

and consecutive days of grey

400 days ago, less a few hours: The clock breaks down

"maybe you hit the 'snooze' button"

399 days ago: Hilarity ensues as a lad mag sends its...um, "reporters" to the site carrying signs "so low tech, we won't break down!"

you could tell it was a classy magazine because once the photo-op was done, the girls left simply by going to the corner and hailing a taxi

387 days ago: The clock is defaced during one of London's strikes/rallies/demonstrations

that's either a paint splat, or the clock just shed an emo tear

161 days ago:  those "occupy" people trying to be noticed around the world reach Trafalgar Square, but no damage is reported this time because of around the clock police protection   

Get it? The police were around the clock, you see. 

71 days ago: Britain's Got Talent films a flash mob promo next to the clock.  

somewhere, Susan Boyle goes "meh"

This afternoon: London very loudly lets everyone know that there are just 100 days 'til the start of the games. . . 

on your mark, fishnet, GO!

. . . which is a very stressful reminder to me as office concierge that very soon my life will be turned upside down by the incoming delegations, and I may just keep yelling "dammit Chloe!" to no one in particular.

   

 hence, I'm all Bauer McSquinty for the next 100 days

FOR PASSPORTS, PRESS 1. FOR FALSE TEETH INQUIRIES, PRESS 2. FOR A DOMINATRIX, PLEASE HOLD

In an obvious wala 'yan sa lolo ko smackdown to this blog's "Consular Query of the Day" feature, the UK foreign office just rolled out the latest in its "ludicrous inquiries/bizarre demands" series. Among their greatest hits:

• A man asked a consulate in Greece for information on how to go about putting a chicken coop in his garden
• A national pleaded for assistance translating "I love you" into Hungarian
• Complaints were filed over the quality of plastic surgery, and a jam that would not set.
• A man called to say he was stranded at the airport by his dominatrix.
• A request was made to get someone to throw a coin into the Trevi fountain for them, because they forgot while they were on holiday, and they want their marriage to succeed.

Well played dear sirs, well played. But I've said it before and I'll say it again -- that's the difference between other foreign services and ours: we WOULD have helped out a guy who lost his false teeth.

Assistance-Tooth-Nationals!

CONSULAR QUERY OF THE DAY

I'm on it

----- Original Message -----

From: ****

To: ****

Sent: 9 March 2012

Subject: Information request

Could you please provide me with details of who I can contact in your country concerning reports and research regarding UFOs.

ROYAL MAILBAG!

Cool! I didn't realize there were a bunch of recent comments on some earlier posts. This gives me a chance to pretend I'm doing one of those reader mail columns (or as the British call it, "another thing soon to be privatised"). Let's get right to them:

wow wonderful.looking forward to following you on twitter. the LLDD-baby is so cute! happy new year! Posted by aNgeLjOy

Why thank you ms. case-sensitive-username-I-cant-spell-because-im-typing-right-now-while-eating-a-burrito. But I don't think I'll ever take to twitter because taking care of the LLDD-Baby uses up most of my time now, plus it's too hard to tweet with one hand while carrying the little monster in the other. I can't multitask is what I'm saying.

amateur

Your blog posts are always amusing :) and of course right on target. I took the 2011 exam and made it to the written exam. You are so right about the preparation part. No amount of cramming will ever help if you're not a wide reader. I nearly made it to the cut-off missing it by 6 points. I will take the exam again this year hoping that last year's experience will help me to be more at ease and finally get that 6 points to make it to the next level :) Posted by Anonymous

Atta boy! Er, girl? UP Student Council President? Whatever, you just keep reading the good newspapers, practice your long-form writing and every so often break out into public speaking/interpretative dance, and you should be good for the next exams. And I wouldn't fret about the cut-off because (I think) the thing's moveable depending on the number of open slots to fill, and should never be taken as the end-all be-all. As a very wise man put it, "There's just so much talent this season, dawg, and we can only put through the best of the best of the best, and we have to send home some really talented people, you know what I'm saying? I mean, we got to look at everyone's entire body of work...it's hard dawg, it's hard. But you know what? YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD under the consular jurisdiction of Los Angeles PCG!

You can EARN TWICE MORE, confirm your real abilities and knowledge with the diploma. It is YOUR CHANCE Some people are spending many years for getting their degree! But you can get it within a shorter period of time! Bachelors, Masters, MBA and/or Doctorate (PhD). Moreover you don’t need to go to university and suffer all those boring long lectures! Posted by Bliss

Ok, that one might actually be spam that somehow got through to the comments section. Still, good to know Bliss can hook me up.

On the picture "Baptism of Fire", I know that church and the priest :) It's the parish where I serve... Nice :). Posted by Anonymous

Funny thing, the priest throughout the baptism ceremony kept on asking the LLDD-Hyphen-L and me "Why did you choose this day? What is the significance of this date?" We weren't quite sure what to answer other than "Ngayon lang hindi booked ang Kamayan Padre Faura function room". It turned out the priest kept asking because it was his birthday! We only found out later because people outside were setting up tables and putting up a large tarpaulin banner greeting him. A lechon may or may not have been delivered. Had we known, we would have cancelled the Kamayan booking, dropped your name, and held the LLDD-baby's party right there!

Thanks for the funny blog! I'm also an aspiring LLDD. Cheers. Posted by LLDD#2

No, thank you LLDD#2! I like that you've adopted my name -- it gives us a Sith master-apprentice kinda vibe. Although you do realize, when people ask about us, they'll be asking "Number One or Number Two?"

speaking of Siths and Number Twos....YOU HAVE FAILED TO CHANGE MY NAPPY FOR THE LAST TIME, DADDY!

Well that was fun! Let's hope the mail keeps coming!

(Unless it's from the UK. They'll probably be on strike again)