STARING DOWN AT THE HAIRLINES OF 80s ICONS

When you live in a city with an active music scene, you can take one of several attitudes:

a) "Oooh, everything here in my city is cool and edgy. Everything, I tell you." (see York, New)
b) "Yeah, it's ok, I guess, whatever. I was into those things two years before everyone else was. I only like bands that are so obscure, even they haven't heard of themselves" (see Stuff White People Like blog)
c) "Um, yeah, I listen to the cheesy stuff. But I only do it ironically." (see correct definition of "irony")
d) "Screw y'all. I'm watching the Spandau Ballet reunion concert." (see below)


**********

You may think less of me, but you know where I stand. Spandau Ballet finally reunited for a tour after 20 years and a bitter lawsuit over royalties, and I'm so there. The band's profound significance can't easily be explained to someone who isn't a fan (I'm looking at you LLDD-Hyphen-L). Suffice to say back in the day, they were the band every gawky teenager wanted to be a part of. There are several reasons for this. First, they made the definitive 80's video, the one that stood the test of time and perfectly blended seductive song with feeling-pogi visuals. I'm talking of course, of the one, the only...True.

Haah Haah Haah Haaaaaaaaaaah Haah

Second, their look and sound wasn't over the top -- by 80's standards anyway. You could, for instance, actually wear their clothes to a soiree (on the other hand, try coming to one dressed as a member of Culture Club). Indeed, their whole "new romantic" image was perfectly safe viewing and listening, a soothing balance to the "radicalism" of the era.

Makibaka!

And last but not least . . .they kicked Duran Duran's eye-linered ass.

(oh s***, I went there).

Look, I was a Durannie too, but Spandau was plainly the better group. Consider: 1) Spandau's lead singer had far better pipes, the one voice every Kundirana wannabe coveted (Simon Le Bon's, on the other hand, was weak and heavily synthed); 2) Unlike Spandau, Duran Duran's songs didn't make any goddamn sense (Union of the Snake?!); and 3) Two words: saxophone solos.

(that last one's very imporant, as it allowed kids everywhere to learn a woodwind instrument without getting beat up; hell, he who could play the sax got all the girls back then [alas, the one guy in my high school who could play the saxophone was also deeply religuous, so none of us really benefitted])

**********

Now that we've established Spandau's superiority, allow me to give the uninformed (i.e. all of you) a little band briefer:

Tony Hadley, Lead Singer

Back in the day, looked like: Keanu Reeves

If he were a Department of Foreign Affairs office, he'd be: Office of the Secretary (frontman; larger than life; rocked the eveningwear)
Little known post break-up wikifact: "Hadley appeared, sang and gave advice in Pinoy Dream Academy (season 2), a singing reality show in the Philippines" (what the...how did I not know about this?!!)
Now looks like:

A constipated K.D. Lang.

Gary Kemp, Lead Guitar (and wrote all the band's songs)

Back in the day, looked like: Like someone who needed to be able to write songs to be allowed into a band

If he were a DFA office, he'd be: Administration (made the operation's day-to-day things work; controlled the money)
Little known post break-up wiki fact: "After recording Spandau Ballet's final album Heart Like a Sky, Kemp and his brother returned to acting. He won the contempt of his fellow band members" (heck, you would too if you saw him as Whitney Houston's manager in "The Bodyguard")
Now looks like:

Kinda like Jude Law, with a little Tony Blair thrown in. Not bad.

Steve Norman, Saxophone

Back in the day, looked like: a young David Beckham, down to the hair.
If he were a DFA office, he'd be: Policy (the soul and sexy of the group; the role every wide-eyed aspiring musician/FSO thought he wanted)
Little known post break-up wiki fact: no interesting entry, although he apparently settled in Ibiza after the split. (because that's what saxophone players do)
Now looks like:

That uncle from "Full House" who did Alanis Morrisette wrong. Saka nagpa-relax na ng buhok.

Martin Kemp, Bass Guitar (and brother of Gary)

Back in the day, looked like:a girl

If he were a DFA office, he'd be: Special Concerns (able to take on new challenges and shift roles effortlessly; lesser known at first, but more famous at the end)
Little known post break-up wiki fact: Not really his entry, but he played the lead villain in Embrace of the Vampire which, "released in 1994, many people criticized movie as an excuse for Alyssa Milano to shed her 'good girl' image; others rushed to see the movie because of that [citation needed]"
Now looks like:

The new James Bond (the Kemp brothers age well, no?)

John Keeble, Drums

Back in the day, looked like: Charlie Sheen, pre-Two and a Half Men (which, incidentally, had an episode where Charlie unequivocally declared "True" as having the sweetest saxophone solo of all time)
If he were a DFA office, he'd be: Migrant Workers Affairs (bread and butter/backbone of the organization)
Little known post break-up wiki fact: "He was called the 'Henry Kissinger of Pop' for the diplomatic way he brokered the comeback with the other band members." (I like this guy!) "He is married to 'Flea' " ( I REALLY like this guy!)
Now looks like:



Aiiiiiiiigh!!!! He's the diplomat?!?

**********


Class over. Haaah haaah haaah haaaaaaahn with the show.

With the LLDD-Hyphen-L's blessing*, I finally head off to the sold-out O2 arena (nee Millenium Dome) to watch the Spands.

(*"bahala ka" counts as a blessing, right?)

Concert attire, of course, was very much a concern. As it was a weeknight, I brought a change of clothes with me, but thought I should already wear my lighter-colored, less formal pang-concert socks together with my standard dark suit to the office. The result was either a fashion crime or 80s awesome. You decide.

My can of Aqua-Net was seized at the airport, so I was feeling a bit naked and vulnerable going in. Fortunately, I hadn't had a haircut in over a month, so I still got a nice little "pouf" goin' on. Jestonic, even.

And I make fun of Big 80's Hair now, but trust me, half of the - ahem - mature concert crowd would kill to still be able to wear a Flock of Seagulls 'do.

Spandau clothes! (spandex?) Anyone remember those Top-40 shirts, the ones that printed band album covers in the front? Anyone remember albums? Anyone?

Unlike the Ikaw Rin concert, my place here was way up the stadium and nowhere near the mosh pit. Come to think of it, there was no mosh pit for Spandau -- just rows and rows of reserved seats that reached right up to the stage, and hence no need to arrive hours early to fight for a spot up front. (which was just as well with this crowd, as any form of extended moshing [or for that matter, standing] would probably have resulted in a lot of broken hips)

Finally, the boys come out. There was a lot of noise to greet them, but whereas in Ikaw Rin the general feeling was one of screaming disbelief at the sheer awesomeness of it all, with Spandau there was more of a warm joy coming over everyone for having returned to such a happy place -- like waking up from a great nap (which, given the audience, was probably exactly what was happening)

The Spands thereafter rattle off a veritable Saturday night playlist of Mars/Euphoria/Faces disco (er, club): Only When you Leave, Round and Round, Through the Barricades, Highly Strung (which, of course, carries those immortal FSO lyrics "she used to be a diplomat, but now she's down the laundromat"). And goddamit, they sounded GOOD! Tony's voice was as booming as ever, the melodies still catchy as hell. And when the group broke out Lifeline, the crowd - mature as they were - poured into the aisles (above) and vigorously danced that go-to 80s hand clap/side-to-side two-step combo.

To bring things down a notch, Tony and Gary sang an acoustic version of How Many Lies. Gary introduced the bit by telling the crowd "who would have thought, after all these years, me and the Big Guy (Tony), sitting in a couple of chairs, face-to-face, again" -- an apparent reference to their acrimonious lawsuit against each other. Umm...we didn't need to hear that, Gary. Awkward, bro. Don't ruin this for us.

One thing that Duran Duran did have over Spandau -- frontman stage presence. Simon Le Bon could dominate a stage with his frenetic yet balletic dance moves. Tony, well....Tony would often point to the audience from his hip like a cheesy lounge singer, or worse, go into a half-squat like he really needed to go to the bathroom.

But it's all good, because the boys brought it home with the aforedescribed True, and started off their encore with Fight for Ourselves (although Be Free with Your Love would have been better, if only they asked me), and then (above) capped it with the most cheesetastik of them all . . . what the hell, let's all just sing it: ready, one, two, three...You...are...OLD!

I mean, GOLD!

**********

Good fun, good fun. I really hope they stick around this time. Anyway, I'm glad I was able to see them while I was here -- and while the LLDD-Hyphen-L was away. On her part, she's only too happy to have 80's concerts finally out of my system.

Nobody tell her.

PRES-CRED MEETS STREET CRED

You know it's not another typical day at work when the morning's office memo reads, "Buy five pounds of carrots. For the horses."

Ok then. Horses at the Embassy can only mean two things: 1) it must be Presentation of Credentials day; and 2) for the love of your Guccis, watch where you step out front!

Every country, of course, has its own ceremony for formally accepting another country's Ambassador, and I'm sure each is lovely and meaningful in its own right. But it's seriously hard to imagine that any place can top the pomp and pageantry of a UK press cred. I mean, you get "collected" by a Marshal in a pointy hat (with feathers!). You get to go to the Palace. You get to go meet the Queen.

Plus, this is how you roll.

It was such a spectacle, tourists from Trafalgar Square flocked to the Embassy and surrounded the carriages (ha! nagpi-picture picture rin kayo!). And as the Philippine Embassy officials boarded the carriages and were driven down the streets of London, one of the tourists insightfully remarked "but, they don't look British!"

Um, yeah. Quite.

This has nothing to do with the Press Cred. This is really how we dress for work everyday.

Yep, nothing but the finest Filipiniana for everyone. Even if it was freezing cold outside, nobody would be caught wearing western dark business suits on a day like toda...

What the hell, guys?!!



"...Rollin' in my deuce deuce 5. Convertible top down so I can see the honeys passin' me by..."




Funnily enough, this woman's husband name is "Bobby".

(Get it? Bobby? Ah, what do you know, tourists)

You could spend a whole day coming up with "Craptions" for these photos. Let's try a few:

• "Horse vs. Man staring contest, who ya got?"
• "No, no, no....you're NOT supposed to look the gift horse in the mouth"
• "I've been waiting here for hours. Where have you been? Look at me when I'm talking to you! LOOK AT ME!!!"
• "Look, if you're gonna be a horse whisperer, you're gonna have to come much closer."

I served as emcee at the subsequent Vin D'Honneur, although it took a while before anyone noticed I was at the podium talking.

Still waiting, people.




But all in all, a truly memorable day. We even gathered the entire Embassy to capture the moment for posterity. The problem with these things, though, there are so many cameras going off at the same time, it's impossible to keep track of who's still shooting, and whether or not you're still part of anyone's frame. The result . . .

...is captured for posterity.
Jeez, the horses look better than I do.

SEE THE BIRD WITH THE LEAF IN HER MOUTH, AFTER THE FLOOD ALL THE COLORS CAME OUT. . .

Thanks, Ikaw Rin. We needed that.

Tragedy's pain remains, of course. And a LOT of work still needs to be done. In the meantime, all that anyone can do is help out in whatever way they can in the rebuilding and renewal efforts. (or, as the Brits would more kick-assingly call it, the "Fightback")

Here in our corner of the world, the FilCom fightback has come out very strong. Everyday, offers of help and support come in faster than we can put out public advisories on them. Donations are streaming through the financial sytems. Almost overnight, 24 boxes worth of donated items were gathered at the Embassy.

Unfortunately, as I walk in on my bosses in the storage room, the camera captures a "if-they-ask-me-to-carry-the-heavy-boxes-what-injury-will-i-pretend-to-have" expression on my face.

And you can't help but break into a poignant smile at the typically-Pinoy and gleeful creativity of some of the offers of assistance: Treadmill for charity! Videoke fundraising! Special Concert by a Fil-Brit Sugababe!

(It's on, Philippine Consulate in New York and your special Lea Salonga event! IT'S ON! =)

Full recovery can't come soon enough, but it WILL come. 'Til then, let us not forget how beautiful and awesome the country was right before all of this. So, Department of Tourism-UK and your Philippine Promo Projects, play us out!

(click images to enlarge)

Time Out Magazine (16 July 09)

Best Line: "...the young crowd in front of me erupted into cheers as a band of skinny emos called Rivermaya took to the stage..."

LLDD Commentary: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!!! I don't know why, but referring to Rivermaya as "skinny emos" just cracks me up. I mean, really, emos in and of themselves are hilarious.

Daily Telegraph (8 August 2009)



Best Line: "Tornado of Speeding Fish"

LLDD Commentary: "Tornado of Speeding Fish" would make a great name for a rock band. Even a skinny emo one.

Birdwatching Magazine (August 2009)




Best Line: " - like a Blackbird let loose in the BBC's Radiophonic Workshop."

LLDD: Oh those Brits and their BBC references. I have no idea what the above means, but it sounds awesome.

(Honorable Mention line: "the Philippine Falconet, a smart, miniature endemic raptor". I mean, speaking of sounding awesome!)

(BTW, you can start a drinking game while reading through a birdwatching magazine by taking a shot everytime you see "endemic")

(Endemic raptor! Drink!)

London Lite (4 September 09)

Best Line: "(The writer of the novel and movie 'The Beach') revealed that Thailand wasn't the inspiration for the story - it was actually an archipelago off the northernmost tip of Palawan Island"

LLDD Commentary: Just as well that 'The Beach' was not set in Palawan, because the movie sucked. Good call, writer.

Adventure Magazine (September - October 2009)

Best Line - Best line?! The whole thing's about bikers who rode down Mayon Volcano AS IT WAS ERUPTING!! For no other reason than they goddam COULD!!! Line? This is the best freakin' article!!! Nothing can top this!

Oh, wait....

Charley.

Boorman.

By.

Any.

Means.

Through.

The.

Philippines.

OK, The Philippine episode won't air until 18 October, but come ON! This is a man's man, not to mention the BFF of Obi Wan Kenobi!

(plus, he sent very kind thoughts those affected by the calamities in the Philippines and Indonesia, as well as a message on behalf of UNICEF)

Talk about a fightback.

THE TWEEK THAT WAS

as you may have read from the papers, this will be a reaaaallllly busy and important week for the office. on my part, i'm very worried because for the first time ever, i'll be a taker and not a giver...er...a catcher and not a pitcher...er...i'll be RECEIVING a visiting official delegation and not just be a part of one.

so what better way to cope with the stress than to provide rapid, hastily written, ill-conceived "tweet"-like posts/updates straight from my mobile. and in sarcastic "really?"-time!

will the technology work? maybe not. am i just wasting my load? probably. will i immediately run out of interesting things to say and just fall back on star wars puns? undoubtedly.

if everything goes to hell and i don't make it out of this week alive, please someone let the future generations know i meant well. and don't bother watching "G.I. Joe".

DAY ONE

* advance team here. just found out event venue inspection in diplo-slang is "reccy" (pronounced "wreck-y", short for reconnaisance). i disapprove. "recon" sounds more bad-ass. "reccy" sounds like the nickname of the rich kid you used to hate on the playground.

* the person responsible for a particular event is called the "control officer". i'm control officer (controfficer?)for an event that's gone from presumptively approved, to cancelled, to approved, to approved but on different date, to presumptively cancelled, to hang-on-it-still-might-be-approved. figures i get the zombie event.

* anyone see "in the loop"? british comedy released last summer. hilarious. i highly recommend it. it's "west wing" meets "the office". fsos in particular can identify with the wacky all-to-human side of diplomacy. one of the funniest lines in the movie was "i had sex to stop the war". maybe that's what's needed right now. maybe somebody needs to have sex to stop my event.

DAY TWO

* getting several media inquiries about the events, but nothing matches a bbc call from a while back. the producers of the drama "holby city" phoned me to ask what's tagalog for "lots of love". apparently a pinoy character was calling home and that was her goodbye. i struggled for a minute (you try it!) and just said the closest thing we got was "ingat" or "mahal ko kayo". it was either that or the jologs "love lots".

* oh, it's like that, london?! bright sun and blue skies for the past two weeks, and now that the delegation is arriving, NOW you turn cold, rainy and miserable?! ha! i survived the cebu storm summit! bring it, london! bring it!!

* my zombie event's head just got separated from it's body. that should be the end of it. but no! zombie event's head still writhing on the floor, suggesting hollywood sequel/re-envisioning.

* just received the standard delegation travelling requirements from my old office back home. hehehe i used to be the one that sent these out to embassies whenever we travelled to their countries. i always imagined they looked at it like some rockstar's dressing room stipulations. "bottled water sourced from arctic glaciers! punchbowl of green - and only green - m&m's! slippers made from the fur of unicorns!"

* now that i do look at the list from a receiving embassy's perspective, the requirements are fairly ordinary, if not boring. printer with fax. business newspapers. contact numbers. the most exotic thing here is a private request from a staffer to try the local kfc.

DAY THREE

* visiting delegation hotel secretariat...activate! shape of...a jamming photocopier! form of...cases of diet coke in the bathtub!

* rest assured all you trees that made the thick briefing papers and reports possible, your sacrifice will not be in vain. i'll read through all of you sometime tonight.

* not only do i like drafting scenarios, i just like saying "scenarios".

* whoever said man-bags look metrosexual hasn't seen mine stuffed with an umbrella, maps, highlighters, newspapers, a clearbook full of scenarios, assorted cables and chargers, oatmeal bars, coins and toilet paper.

DAY FOUR

* arrival countdown begins. maybe its because i'm surrounded by old pros,but everything seems strangely serene. well, unless you look at our mess at the secretariat.

* wouldn't it be great if we suddenly all broke out singing "mabuhi! mabuhi! mabuuuuhiiiii ka sugbuanoooooooooooo!" at heaththrow upon the delegation's arrival?

* part of an embassy's sop is to get rented cellphones for some members of the visiting delegation to make communication easier during their stay. hilarity ensues when the previous renter's contact info isn't cleared from the phone, and the current renter gets calls in the middle of the night from someone looking for "omar".

* speaking of hilarity, somebody should film the rear aircraft staircase (the one that isn't seen in news footage) during delegation arrivals. if the front staircase is all formality and cute kid greeters bearing flowers, the rear staircase is literally people falling all over themselves, as the non-VIP part of the delegation tries to go down the steep stairs quickly while carrying heavy bags and files, and then play a game of tarmac musical chairs and desperately scamper for an available seat in the ready-to-leave convoy. you could set the whole scene to the benny hill theme song.

* on the other hand, you also get really poignant moments on touchdown as members of the receiving embassy spot familiar faces from home in the onrushing arriving delegation, yet no one can do any catching up because everyone is whisked away so quickly and still has a job to do. it's only very late at night in the secretariat, after the day's events are done and the principals are off to bed, that people get a chance to re-connect, make bilins, and arrange padalas. (we're stationed abroad, but we're still pinoys, dammit!)

* arrangements are usually made to welcome the visiting delegation with flag-waving pinoys at the hotel lobby. a pretty cool sight in itself, but the best part is right before the delegation arrives when regular hotel guests coming from the bar stumble upon the scene and give these startled "wtf?" faces.

DAY FIVE

* you try to feel all macho and bad ass when giving instructions to the british security personnel, and they go and ruin the moment for you by answering "luv-ly".

* speaking of security...um, private event organizers,you were supposed to be a big prestigous group. so how come your "badges" looked like they were made by a high school printer and some plastic National Book Store ID holders?

* ah yes. tired, sleepy and hungry waiting outside a meeting room while trading war stories with other "controfficers". good times.

* i could NEVER do protocol at a signing ceremony. i'm klutzy and not good with my hands, and that blotting thing they do with the signatures looks like it needs surgeon-like dexterity. i can totally see myself smearing ink all over a world peace treaty while yelling "frak me!" on live television.

* it's late into the night. i get a call. the zombie event...is alive! and the call was coming...from inside the house!!!

DAY SIX

* filcom reception highlight no. 1: i get to see my basketball tournament co-organizers for the first time in formal wear instead of rocking the loud nylon tracksuits.

* filcom reception highlight no. 2: the embassy tracked down a pinay who won a prestiguous UK health services award and invited her to be one of the principal's guests of honor at the reception; the funny part was she didn't at first believe it when she received the phone call invitation, and it took several follow up calls from embassy senior officials to assure her she wasn't being "punk'd".

* filcom reception highlight no. 3: another world leader was billeted in our hotel and also held an event right next to the pinoy reception; needless to say, we absolutely CRUSHED the size and raucousness of their gathering. pinoys in the house!

* that being said, there's also something really cool about walking down a narrow hotel hallway together with other members of the philippine delegation (a "pino-ssé"?), running into another country's pack of officials, and having the two groups eyeball each other's flagpins and exchange subtle "'sup?" nods.

* filcom event over, time for more official calls including - cue dramatic organ music - zombie event! if this were an actual horror movie, this would be the part where the last surviving actor turns around in tears, faces the chasing monster, and screams "if you're gonna kill me, kill me! but i'm not running away anymore! i'm not running away!"

* and so zombie event - as with most horror movies - ends rather anti-climactically. hunh.

* now i get to go on a short educational tour. so students, tell me where i am right now: within a square-kilometer, i get to experience a summer-blockbuster...er...fictional literature overload made up of the drinking hangout of the "lord of the rings" and "chronicles of narnia" authors AND the place where they shot the "harry potter" dining hall scenes. correct answer gets a flagpin.

DAY SEVEN

* rockstars get booty calls; diplomats at the end of their trips get luggage calls. ugh. luggage collection usually comes very early in the morning, which means you have to get back to your room the previous night much sooner than you'd like so that you can finish packing. it also means you either have to stay awake until the luggage officers come to collect your bags, or just leave everything outside your door and say "frak it, i'm going to bed; bahala na yung mga pasalubong."

* wait a minute...what am i saying?...i live here now! i don't have luggage! mwahaha! collect the bags at 3am, embassy boys! loudly!

* before the visit ends, big shout out to the hotel for knowing their clients: the breakfast buffet didn't settle for the usual coffee and croissants spread; it actually had sinangag! not really that surprising since i saw a bunch of pinoy hotel chefs assembled during the filcom event, but still, sinangag on a cold london morning? luv-ly!

* as the delegation makes a beeline for the plane from the tarmac, the hugs, kisses and goodbyes from us embassy people walk the fine line between "it was so nice to see and work with you all again" and "please, go, and don't come back here too soon".

* and the coolest part of seeing off a delegation - you now have the whole fleet of rented high-powered cars at your disposal! well, just for the trip back from the airport anyway, but still, dibs on the audi!

* everyone from the embassy re-assembles at the secretariat for one last round of handshakes and back slaps for a successful visit. for myself, i was just so glad i had so many cool and experienced hands around me to help me survive my first big visit. left on my own, i might have collapsed like obi-wan's robe at the end of star wars (what? you knew a reference was coming!)

* after packing up the secretariat, everyone now goes off to celebrate - by heading back to the embassy for other official duties or going home to do laundry and errands. yep, after the exhausting and stressful events of the past week, those things count as a celebration. it's monday tomorrow, and regular work never looked so good.