MY HOME OFFICE IS MORE AWESOME THAN YOUR HOME OFFICE

So on the way to the vin d’honneur, the thought of all those incoming and outgoing foreign diplomats triggered part of my brain to decide that the event would be the perfect time to discuss the merits of the Philippine Home Office. No one really asked me to, even my batchmates stayed away from me, and I’m sure Palace security wondered why I brought Powerpoint equipment to a vin d'honneur. But the truth knows no time and place, man! So openly discuss I did…mostly to myself…in a corner…a safe distance from everyone. Because the truth can staggering, man! You need room!

Citizens! Do not be afraid! This is not a U.F.O. landing! Nor some bad acid flashback! This is just the Philippine Home Office auditorium! Really!

There are flag ceremonies, and there are DFA flag ceremonies complete with angklung ensemble (and who doesn't like good angklung?)

Standard Second Floor Amenities Check: Cafeteria (check). Executive Lounge (check). Juice Bar (check). Convenience Store Motorcycle door prize (check). Waiting Area Disco Ball (check). Pharmacy/Large Brassiere display (check).

The entrance hall is guarded by the Philippines' first foreign secretary, Apolinario Mabini, also known as the "Sublime Paralytic" (which makes him just like Professor X, only more awesome).

We start our diplomat training at a young age. As in a REALLY young age! (Just kidding, this is just U.N. day at the Home Office Day Care Center. Still, you had the hold back the Department officials from inspecting the kids’ national costumes and enforcing protocol)

YOUR Home Office may have some fancy fountain or waterfall; OUR Home Office has the well from “The Ring”.

Right next door to our Home Office is a…ahem…motel establishment place with this sign. Not really sure what passports have to do with "visiting" a motel...but, hey, glad to help!

Our Home Office also has this killer roofdeck view ready in case any magazine out there wants to contact me for my next photoshoot (I've been waiting a while now)

Oh….oh, my. How to best describe the lampposts that run the length of the Home Office? I’d go with Giant Royal Scepter of Green Lantern’s arch-nemesis from Vegas, or something classy like that.

Finally, at precisely 7:00pm every Friday – as if to signal the official start of the weekend – we get this Mall of Asia fireworks display right outside our window. And, let me tell you, if YOUR Home Office isn’t 5 minutes away from more than 350,000 square meters of retail bliss on Fridays, it just ain’t happenin’.

(presentation finished; exit vin d'honneur to scattered applause)