9.01.2008

THE GALACTIC EMPIRE PRESENTS ITS COMPLIMENTS TO THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND HAS THE HONOR TO REFER TO OUR PREVIOUS COMMUNICATION



Dammit, Padme, we've been through this before.

Be clear, I've always kept an open mind with respect to the Republic's shenanigans. Heck, I'm one of the few who thinks "Clone Wars" doesn't totally suck saber -- the battle scenes were thrill-ride gripping, the animation nicely stylized, and the federation droids actually funny.

On the other hand, Ahsoka was as whiny-voiced and bratty as anything in the known universe, less knight of the Jedi order and more colossal pain-in-the-ass kid sister.

"Set your sabers to 'annoy' "



And what the hell was Ziro?! He was about as scary and threatening a villain as German Moreno scolding the Tuesday group. He had none of that dark, bad boy, people-do-my-evil-bidding-or-I-wipe-out-their-home-planet vibe that the ladies apparently love.

"I sense a disturbance in my pants"



But my real beef is the Republic's continued deliberate disregard of international law. I mean, don't the Jedi have lawyers? Are there no NGOs on Coruscant? It was downright criminal out there! No wonder so many star systems seceded! Consider:

* Senator Padme volunteers herself to negotiate a treaty with the Hutts, but as any first-year law student will tell you, the role of the Senate in treaty-making is limited to giving or withholding its concurrence to ratification; treaty negotiation is strictly an Executive function (Pimentel vs. Executive Secretary). Heck, a deal with the Hutts might even be passed off as an "International Agreement" that doesn't require any Senate participation and can be effected through a simple exchange of notes (Commissioner of Customs vs. Eastern Sea Trading). So unless the hot, gun-toting, big-haired mother-to-be government official is Palin and not Padme, she got no bidness messin' with treaties.

* For that matter, can you even enter into a treaty with the Hutts? Treaties are concluded between States (Art. 2, Vienna Convention on the Law of Treaties), and the Hutts are at most a clan, lacking the population, territory, government and capacity to act required of states (Art. 1, Montevideo Convention on the Rights and Duties of States). And even if they were somehow valid subjects of international law, the Hutts are described as crime lords, vile, and really, really fat. That would make for a pretty disgusting signing ceremony and photo-op.

* As the Federation army steadily advances on the outnumbered clones and jedi, Obi-wan actually surrenders and sits down with the opposing general to discuss the terms of capitulation. The droids consequently let there guard down, which allows Anakin and Ahsoka to sneak in and destroy the shield generator and thereafter wipe out the surprised enemy forces. This is a clear and direct violation of the Geneva Convention. Acts inviting the confidence of an adversary to lead him to believe that he is entitled to, or is obliged to accord, protection under the rules of international law applicable in armed conflict, with intent to betray that confidence, shall constitute perfidy; an example of perfidy is the feigning of an intent to negotiate under a flag of truce or of a surrender (Art. 37, Protocol I Additional to the Geneva Convetions). Obi-wan? Obi-war crime!!!

* And make no mistake, Ahsoka is 12 - 13 years old, tops - and serving on the frontlines. It also appears Yoda throws "younglings" off to warzones whenever the frak he feels like it. So unless Yoda's never heard of the Convention on the Rights of the Child or the Optional Protocol to the Convention on the Rights of the Child on the Involvement of Children in Armed Conflict, well, "total douchebags we jedi are".

So for those keeping score, the Republic/Jedi Order usurp other branches' constitutional powers, engage in perfidious warfare, and think sending child warriors to unsuspecting generals in the battlefield makes for a great gag.

You stay classy, Yoda

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