THE THREE (WELL-FED) LIONS

Once upon a time, there was a group of...um..."well-rounded" officemates who thought watching football and other London sporting events counted as their exercise for the year.

They lived happily ever after.

(their waistlines...ehh)

England v Denmark

Hero/Villain - England's lackluster performance.   They won, but a good sporting rule of thumb we discovered while watching: the quality of the play on the pitch is inversely proportional to the intensity and duration of the Mexican wave in the stands.

Tour De France

Hero/Villain - The Million MAMIL March.  There are some things you just can't unsee.

Falcons v Lions

Hero / Villain - Through coaching luck/incompetence, this actually turned out to be the closest NFL London game ever.   More riveting still was the awkward clash of American and European sporting event cultures.   I doubt, for instance, any NFL franchise would keep a bored-looking hipster techno DJ in house during games...

 What would Raider Nation think?

...or try to pump up the crowd by having the the pre-game show done by the host of the local Family Feud...

Survey says: wait, who what now?

On the other hand, I don't think soccer fans in say, Stoke, really need Samuel L. Jackson screaming at them throughout the match to "Rise Up!"   

 Not even as Mace Windu?

On the other other hand, I think every EPL team would do well to bring in some American-style cheerleading for matches.

 As well as a Hooters restaurant that magically pops-up in the stadium parking lot at 9:00 a.m. on gameday

Speaking of restaurants, I'm guessing British stadium food may not be a hit with, say, Green Bay Cheeseheads.

And lastly, some European fans may want to re-think their player jersey choices

Unless they were wearing them ironically or were gifts from a clueless distant aunt, in either case: respect 

Bucks v Knicks

Hero / Villain - Easy: New York.  The Knicks took six minutes to score their first point and were down 20+ by the end of the first quarter. Their fans in our row kept on trying to start a "Let's Go Knicks!" chant but were roundly ignored, so they (and I'm not making this up) resorted to stealing the beers of the people in front of them and nearly starting a fistfight.  

Saracens v Harlequins

Hero / Villain - This one's on me. I was the one who was able to get tickets for everyone on Groupon, yet because of unfortunate timing, I was the one who was not able to see the match and take a gameday selfie.  Just as well, as it turned out to be an uncompelling rout.   To make up some excitement, may I just introduce to those outside of the UK the majestically named rugby scandal, Bloodgate.   

Brazil v Chile

Hero / Villain - The great seats!  I didn't think I'd ever in my life be able to watch the Seleção -- let alone up close and for a reasonable price! And from so near, you realize how young and choirboyish looking Neymar, Oscar, Coutinho et al are, which in turn may explain why Chile spent the whole game hacking at the Brazilian stars and turning it into a slow-moving foulfest. There was still a happy ending to the day, though, as the street food in the neighborhoods leading back to the Tube proved muito delicioso.

The Lions slept well that night.