FIND SOMEONE WHO TALKS TO YOU THE WAY SMART'S CUSTOMER SERVICE BOT TALKS TO SMART'S CUSTOMERS

Don't tell the LLDD-Hyphen-L, but I've been carrying on an intimate conversation with someone else who cares for me.

Smartcares, that is.

It began, as many relationships do, right before the Christmas holidays. On December 23 of last year, I tried to load P300 through Smart's online store. I received a confirmation message from them that said my load would be credited to my Smart number in a few minutes. I also saw from my online bank statement that P300 had already been debited from my account.

Well. Santa came and went, but Smart left my stocking bare. Four days after I had made my purchase, I still hadn't received my load from Smart.

So on 27 December, I decided to submit a Service Request Ticket to the Smartcares' e-mail address. The communication was fairly swift over our first few dates as we got to know more about each other. They confirmed that my Smart number was not credited any load (good to know). Then they asked me for my SIM's serial number (I gave it to them right away). The next day they asked me to take a screenshot of their purchase confirmation message and send it to them (so I did). And the day after that they asked me to confirm with my bank that my account was in fact debited P300 (ditto). 

I decided at this point that it was the right time to ask Smartcares: so where do we stand?

No reply.

I send an e-mail a week later (I didn't want to, you know, bother them over New Year's, they may have been out with friends) and ask again. Finally, they write a reply...and start me off on an emotional journey the likes of which have not been seen since The Notebook. Smartcares only writes to me if I write to them first, and even then responds several days late. Worse, their copy-paste sentence structure and uncanny valley grammar make it seem like I'm just talking to a bot (or that Smart's contact center agents have a lousy catfishing module).  

But no! That can't be. This is real, dammit! They Smartcares! I believe in us! I will fight for us! 

And I will continue to write to you every week, Smartcares, until we fix our relationship...or until your algorithm runs out of copy and paste/bot replies. 

#walangforever

January 5

See? Promising start. You were the one who was supposed to update me about the status of my concern, yet you're also the one who pats me on the head for "proactively" sending you a follow up. That's kind of you. We can build on this. 


January 12

Oh. You've been talking about my problem with someone else. I see. So...who is this "concerned group"?  Anyone I know?  Can I meet them?

Thanks for complimenting me again about my "proactive" side, though. I try.

January 20

You've been tapping the "group"? What about me? When was the last time you tapped ME? Do you know how long it's been since I've been tapped?

January 31

No, I don't think you know how it is, not really.


February 15

Hmp! Late ka na nga, nalampasan mo na nga ang Valentine's, tatapakan mo pa sapatos ko!


February 23

Wait, you're saying "no worries" to ME? Like I was the one asking for too much?

And who's the support team "working hand in hand" with? Magka-holding hands na kayo?


March 3

I know, baby. I'm tired and frustrated too...

March 11

Are you calling me needy? Are you saying I'm one of those people who constantly needs validation from others? Because I am! And I DO!

March 18

Aw, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you unhappy. It's just...it's just I need to know where we are and where we're going, you know what I'm saying?


At this juncture I hint to Smartcares that I may need counselling, of the legal kind. Lo and behold, I discover soon after that I have an extra P300 load in my account! But, but...I never heard anything from Smartcares. No call, text or email. Did they just, like, place money on the night table and leave the room without saying goodbye?

On March 27, exactly three months after our meetcute, I write Smartcares:

Smartcares, for once, instantly replies

You're more than glad.

I guess it is over.

But I just can't quit you, Smartcares. So I write and ask if we can still, you know, talk for old times' sake -- maybe over coffee, or a customer satisfaction survey form.

Once again Smartcares instantly replies

You thank me for giving you the opportunity to fix my problem that was of your doing.

And you still want me to help you more.

And you'll be happy to hear from me.

I guess there IS hope for us!

#mayforever