I've always wondered why all those lame year-end "Best of..." lists are so popular. I mean, it couldn't be nostalgia, since all the crap listed happened, like, yesterday. And does the newsmedia really think it's readers are so dumb that they can't comprehend anything not grouped in tens? No, I think those year-in-reviews are everywhere because all writers face the same seasonal problem: they're already in holiday mode, are too smashed to think of anything new, yet still have a boatload of unused pictures/video that they didn't work into their original pieces (because they aren't that good writers to begin with; or because the pictures/videos suck).
Well, guess what! I'm nothing if not a holidayed/smashed/not good writer right now! (or, always). I have no new ideas and have sucky stock footage! Let's just randomly throw some old material together, put it in list form, and let the readers pick through the crap!
Yeah, something like this. Enjoy.
CEREMONIES, IN RETROSPECT, I SHOULD'VE SKIPPED
4. Monaco changing of the guard
Time may have been better spent -- visiting the casino, placing money on Pacquiao.
3. Olympics opening viewed from Phildel secretariat
Time may have been better spent -- trading national pins with Ya Show salesladies; they just make you feel so wanted!
2. PDOS graduation
Time may have been better spent -- teaching whoever took this video how to use a camera.
1. Expo Zarragoza opening
Time may have been better spent -- Let's be clear. The Expo Zarragoza opening fireworks were awesome. However, since I wasn't actually invited to the midnight opening ceremonies, I just shot this video from my hotel room window. And in said hotel room, I made an important discovery: late night free cable TV in Europe is very, ahem, interesting. And graphic.
PICTURES OF THE LLDDL THAT ARE SO GOING TO APPEAR IN OUR WEDDING PRE-NUP VIDEO
5. The "Hint Hint"
4. The "Blockhead"
3. The "Hot Biologist"
2. The "I Don't Want to be Chinita Anymore!"
1. The "What the Hell Goes on in Your Office Anyway?!?"
BEST COSTUMED CHARACTER TO POSE WITH
3. Mall Stormtrooper
Because I wasn't the dorkiest person with him around.
2. Disneyland Buzz
Because, with his limited arm range-of-motion, all he could do was the "Hail, hail alma mater" pose.
1. Filipo the Butanding
Because he's goddamn Filipo, that's why!!!
COOLEST CONCERTS (click on links for excerpts)
5. Swing Out Sister
What made it hot -- They sound today like they did 20 years ago.
What made it not -- I'm old enough to know what they sounded like 20 years ago.
4. Rihanna / Chris Brown
What made it hot -- For her opening number, Rihanna came out in a tangga. Really, you can't start off better than that.
What made it not -- During "Umbrella", some idiot in front held up - you guessed it - an umbrella. I really don't know what sort of thought process leads one to believe opening an umbrella is inherently clever, let alone think it's cool to block everyone's view for the entire song. Idiot.
3. Maroon 5
What made it hot -- Adam Levine was at his smug douchiest. Plus, it was a school night, yet I managed to evade Pardek.
What made it not -- hehehe I was so into it, I didn't notice my weak, whiny voice overpowering the band's sound in the video. The LLDDL hated me for that.
2. Alicia Keys
What made it hot -- The producers thought it would rain so they hastily moved the concert indoors, giving the LLDDL and I much better seats than what we paid for.
What made it not -- This annoying K.S.P. trying-hard socialite-type in front of us kept on loudly requesting Alicia to sing "To the left, to the left!"
What made it not -- This annoying K.S.P. trying-hard socialite-type in front of us kept on loudly requesting Alicia to sing "To the left, to the left!"
1. The U.P. Fair
What made it hot -- Believe it or not, after eight years of attending U.P., this was the first college fair I ever went to. And, damn, the place rocked! I now regret spending all those years playing Nintendo and pusoy dos at home.
What made it not -- That hilarious "emo" look. Long bangs, striped shirts, tight jeans and tsinelas? Really? You know who else looked like that back in the day? Rey "PJ" Abellana! and Leni "Arlene" Santos! And we laughed at them back then, too!!
GOOFIEST PLAYER PROFILE PICS FROM MY YAHOO FANTASY LEAGUES
5. Scott Pollard
Look that he's rocking -- That tall, mute bad guy in "Superman II"
4. Chris Quinn
Look that he's rocking -- "The Grinch", if you squint.
3. Mike Miller
Look that he's rocking -- Whatever look big-gummed, apple-cheeked, widow-peaked yet mulleted dudes are rocking these days
2. Glen "Big Baby" Davis
Look that he's rocking -- art imitating nickname, or some profound s*** like that.
1. Adam Jones
Look that he's rocking -- Narcolepsy
SIGNS/ADS SEEN IN AND AROUND THE HOME OFFICE THAT MAKE YOU GO WTF?
5. Ad for a Skin Care Chain
What they were probably thinking -- "I'm telling you, we have to protect the identity of our clients! Now, if we place a black strip across their eyes during the 'Before' stage, no one will ever, EVER be able to figure out who they are later! Let's do the right thing here!!!"
4. Sign for...well...
What they were probably thinking -- "They'll come for the facials, but stay for the dismemberment!"
3. Sign for a Beauty Parlor
What they were probably thinking -- "It's just like those musicals. Nothing pretentiously captures the essence of something like using 'The' in the title. Oh, and include men in the essence."
2. Sign at a Shoe Store
What they were probably thinking -- not sure, but I like to think this sign was made in a fit of anger by some husband after his wife's last shopping spree.
1. Sign for a Pet Store
What they were probably thinking -- is not fit for publication.
THINGS THAT JUST SOUND BETTER IN SAN REMO, ITALY
3. Free Town Plaza Concert
Could have been more magnifico if -- the opening guitar didn't sound so much like "First Picture of You."
2. Bikexercising
Could have been more magnifico if -- That roof wasn't in the way so I could have recorded more discretely and not seem like a perv. (BTW, the gym instructor seems to say a lot, but really, in stationary biking, aren't commands limited to "stand", "sit", "faster" and "chafe"?)
1. Infomercials
Could have been more magnifico if -- Nothing. This is absolutely perfect as is.
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