HIDDEN BRITAIN

On this, the first anniversary of my posting in the UK, I present "Hidden Britain", i.e., never before seen material I compiled over the past year but was too lazy and unimaginative to use in this blog earlier. Kinda like a year-end review, but in April.

PARK AUTHORITY

Londoners! No doubt at one point, a New Yorker has gotten all "greatest city in the world" in your face and dared you to one-up Central Park with Hyde Park. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. Yes, Central Park may be a great place on its own, but to me London has a better network of complimentary big parks all over the city. Put another way, New York just has the Death Star; London has Battlestar Galactica and the rest of the human armada around it.

(click names for complete album)

HYDE PARK / KENSINGTON GARDENS

In Philippine Mall Terms: Hyde Park would be Megamall, while Kensington Gardens right beside it would be Shangri-La. Hyde's more massive, but Kensington is more sosyal (and you have to pay to use the toilet)

ST. JAMES'S PARK / GREEN PARK

In Philippine Mall Terms: the Glorietta and Greenbelt-1 tandem. Relatively small, with royalty and riches in between.

REGENTS PARK

In Philippine Mall Terms: Rockwell/Powerplant. Slightly off the main commercial centers and a bit more detached from the crowds - and likes it that way!

KEW GARDENS

In Philippine Mall Terms: actually, closer to one of those big Alabang subdivision bazaars, in that you first have to go through really posh neighborhoods to reach it, and then you have to pay to get in. It's also close to the so-vast-it-seems-empty Richmond Park, which would make it the Festival Mall in all of this.

THE UK POLITICIAN ALL-NAME TEAM

• Alistair Darling (chancellor)
• Ed Balls (children, schools and families)
• Dr. Fox (shadow defence)
• Baron Sugar (enterprise)
• The Lord Adonis (transportation)

Indeed

ONE OR THE OTHER? I CHOOSE OTHER.

Sue me, I still don't get modern art. Last summer right outside the Embassy, there was this public performance art project called One and Other where, for 100 straight days and 24/7, anyone could occupy the vacant Fourth Plinth at Trafalgar Square and, well, perform. Each "artist" could stay on the plinth for one hour and do whatever they wanted, and then be elaborately replaced by the next performer - 2,400 in total.

Now, if you're like me, you're immediately thinking, "what's a plinth?" You then go on to ask "what will this whole activity reveal about the human psyche and spirit?"

Not much, apparently. Whenever I'd go to the site during my lunch break in search of artistic awesomeness, I'd invariably just get people standing around in funny outfits or holding unreadable signs, or else sitting down doing what I could have done if I stayed and ate lunch at my desk.

If sitting and texting and typing on a computer is art, then I'm freakin' Damien Hirst.




I WATCH SO YOU CAN BE PRETENTIOUS

As a service to (both) my readers, I am herein offering to verify whether a British show haughtily mentioned at some snooty dinner party actually exists and/or is any good. On the other hand, if you want to go on the offensive and be the one to drop some knowledge, you can start off with some of these British TV comedies.

• The InBetweeners - All the teenage awkwardness and raunchiness of the first "Amercian Pie", with absolutely no attempt to be lovable or endearing.
• The Thick of It [warning: NSFW langauge] - Source of last year's Oscar nominated (and LLDD recommended for FSOs) movie "In The Loop". Really, if you can survive 30 minutes of Malcolm Tucker, you can *%$#!-ing survive anything.
• Mock the Week / Never Mind the Buzzcocks / Any British comedy panel show - All the socio-political commentary of the Daily Show, but with less script, more (and funnier) hosts, and just a total lack of respect for anything and everything.

FACEBOOK FLAPPING

For whatever reason, my "others photos of me" album over the past year was littered with pictures of me seemingly modelling underarm deodorant.

BRIT-SPEAK I THINK I CAN/CAN'T GET AWAY WITH MY FRIENDS BACK HOME KUNG HINDI BATOK MAABUTAN KO.

Can

• Referring to potato "chips" as "crisps"
• Saying "cheers" instead of "thank you"
• Looking for the "toilet" instead of the "C.R."

Can't

• Referring to french fries as "chips"
• Inflecting "yeah?" at the end of sentences
• Asking if the MRT is on "good service"
• Pronouncing Pantene shampoo as "Pan-Ten"
• Saying "whilst"

MUSICAL MIX-UPS

I've actually been to a few musically-significant cities around the UK, but stayed there for too short a time / was too busy to check out any of their scenes. Here then is a totally useless montage para lang madamay ko kayo.

Swindon

Significance - The town's leisure centre is supposedly where Oasis got it's name. Perhaps more importantly, it's the hometown of the guy who wrote and sang "Alone again (naturally)".

See anything? - For an entire afternoon, the back of a guy's head.





Blackpool

Significance - Had a long-standing ban against the Rolling Stones, yet also home to the annual Rebellion Punk Rock Festival. It's also host of an internationally-renowned ballroom dance competition.

See Anything? - The Women's British Open was in town but, alas, I was so busy with work in a hotel basement that I never caught a glimpse of Boomer/Athena/LLDD-Hyphen-L lookalike Michelle Wie.

Liverpool

Significance - Are you kidding? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

See anything - Fellow deodorant models doing the wave (and the fil-com youth band was really good)





AND FINALLY, SOME SIGNS OF THE TIMES

None were quite on the level of our "Petal Attraction" or "Pusit to the Limit", but some great British humour nonetheless.

Oh gee, thanks. Big help.

I don't think this would fly at the main DFA offices, even after the consulate section moved to ASEANA.

Prozac's choice of spokesperson and latest ad campaign was controversial, to say the least.

Whoooooo's a good sign maker? Whooooooo's a good sign maker?

So that's it, pansit. I have yet to see the Changing of the Guard, been on the London Eye or gone to a Premiere League match, but all in all it's been a great first year at post, UK! I'll leave it then to one of your own signs and brit-speak to convey my personal appreciation.

Hugh-re welcome!