Bon jour et bonne annee, Paris! Je suis Lame Avocat / Diplomat Dorque. Enchante. Ca va. You betcha.
Oui, the LLDD-Hyphen-L and I were able to visit the City of Lights to open the new year, and it was incroyable. Paris instantly and effortlessly won us over, one of the few cities that exceeded the hype. We didn't venture far from the touristy path since this was just our first time here, and because I never got past module onze at Alliance Francaise (still, better than most of those yuppies/hipsters/artsy fartsies who quit after two classes when they realize learning French is, you know, hard). Anyway, the city was beautiful enough to speak for itself in pictures, so voila.
(that's French for "for first timers pretty much have to do the following things listed below")
GET DRAWN INTO THE EIFFEL TOWER'S TRACTOR BEAM
There's just no escaping its attraction from anywhere, kinda like the Death Star. The tower zoomed to the top of my all-time favorite landmarks list because not only is it impossible to not take a beautiful picture of it, it's impossible to not take a beautiful picture from it (unlike the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument). Plus it sparkles and has a cinema, restaurant and skating rink inside. Again, just like the Death Star.
C'est la vie? When you're up the Eiffel Tower, and you're of my generation, there's really only one thing you have to do, isn't there? That's right, you channel Duran Duran. (God, I thought Roger Taylor's chair was so cool back then)
GO UP THE ARC
The Arc de Triomphe is aussi one of those landmarks that's gorgeous to look at and awesome to view from (my English teacher Mom will have a fit deconstructing that last sentence. eh.) Fun fact I learned: back in the day, stunt pilots use to freakin' fly biplanes through the arc! Again, the parallels with X-wing fighters flying through the Death Star trench are just partout.
C'est la vie? Before ascending the arc, however, I would strongly advise you to check if there is a working elevator. I didn't, and heard about it from the LLDD-Hyphen-L every trois cent plus step of the way.
YOU'VE ONLY GOT ONE CHAMPS
Shops, cafes, lights -- strolling along the Champs Elysees is the quintessential Paris tourist experience, je suppose. And locals will immediately know you're a tourist if, like us, you make the mistake of starting off from the bottom of the boulevard and walk the whole damn thing uphill. Desole about that, LLDD-Hyphen-L. Mon bad.
C'est la vie? If there's one place you can show off to other tourists who ask you to take their "picture picture" that you know how to count "Une, Deux, Trois" before clicking, this would be it.
CHEER CHEER FOR OLD NOTRE DAME
The LLDD-Hyphen-L and I were fortunate enough to hear mass at Notre Dame cathedral. A dramatic a place as any - especially when the bells or the organ are playing - you can't help but gaze up and hum "The Phaaaaaaaantom of the Operaaaaaa is heeeeerrrreee...."
(I've melange'd my literary references again, haven't I?)
C'est la vie? Dudes, if you ever want to earn massive pogi-points with you're waswit, don't forget to bring a padlock to Notre Dame! Trust me on this! Apparently lovers in Paris often latch a lock onto a bridge and throw the key into the Seine as a sign of undying love, and the bridge right behind the cathedral appears to be ground zero for the practice. Je n'ai jamais entendu about these "love padlocks" before and, well, I'm currently down dix mille pogi-points in the LLDD-Hyphen-L's estimation.
FALL IN LOUVRE
Because of long lines and a shortage of time, the LLDD-Hyphen-L and I only got to the outside of the museum. Still, it's a great spot for "picture picture" and arguing whether you "get" that pyramid in the middle.
C'est la vie? What the...? The resting place of the sacred feminine is a mall?!? Then why didn't any of the salons there do anything about Tom Hanks' mullet-perm!?!
CLIMB EVERY MONTMATRE
Montmatre is home to Sacre Coeur basilica and a quaint village-type neighbourhood that had lots of nice artists' shops and French restaurants (where enfin I got to use up my supply of "...or as they call it here, food / fries / toast / onion soup" jokes)
C'est la vie? Montmatre is on top a hill and has I would say a 170-degree panoramic view of Paris. The missing 10 degrees? The view of the Eiffel Tower. Oh well, at least the burlesque places like the Moulin Rouge were right at the bottom of the hill (um, not that I noticed LLDD-Hyphen-L. I was looking for padlocks, I swear!)
GO ON A TOUR BUS, TAKE PICTURES OF THE CITY AT FUNKY ANGLES, CALL YOURSELF AN ARTISTE
Oh non you didn't...Oh oui I did just get pretentious with my photography!
C'est la vi...oh what the heck, let's run wild with the drama and take everything in noir et le blanc
You're damn right I just went all moody and introspective on your derrieres! Frequent Eat Bulaga guest Leah Navarro, play us out!
Je t'aime, te amo, I love you
Watashi wa anata o aistomasu
Ich liebe dich, iniibig kita
a Paris....
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