IT'S THURSDAY, I MUST BE IN...TAUNTON

Let's get the obligatory Star Wars reference out of the way, shall we? When I heard the Embassy would be joining the other ASEAN missions on a Taunton reconnaissance trip, I thought, well, you know....

I was so hoping it was a typo, I was so hoping.

While Somerset Taunton may be decidedly less bad-ass than Hoth Tauntaun, the former certainly is cool and interesting in it's own right. And you don't have to slice it open.

Highlights of the visit:

SatNav can suck It

First stop was the local hydrographic office, one of world's biggest producers civil and military nautical charts and surveys. The place also keeps archives of centuries old, yet amazingly accurate, country maps and sketches.

The first SM mall was plotted and everything

To make things more interesting, we liked to pretend there was drama whenever all these diplomats from southeast asia looked at the maps of a certain, um, sea.

awwwkwaaaarrrd

It's just business, it's just not cricket

From the hydrographic office, the delegation proceeded to the town's beautiful cricket grounds for a working lunch with local businessmen and trade officials. Now, talk of tax breaks, investment incentives, forex rates, export processing zones, labor costs etc. -- that I could keep up with. The moment a local chatted me up about cricket however -- oh man. They were kind enough to try to explain the most basic rules to me, but I went cross-eyed so often they simply smiled and walked away.

That scoreboard is trying to tell me something, BUT WHAT?!!?

Too school for cool

Well then. Our next stop was a private school that exuded so much excellence and exclusivity, Harry Potter was turned down admission. All our student guides were so supremely self-confident yet effortlessly charming, I sucked my thumb and chewed my nails to the bone in insecurity.

Let me put in pictures. That up there? That's their freaking arts and music room! All my school had was craypas and some tambourines made out of tansans.

Drown your sorrows in cider

Ah yes, the perfect way to cap the day -- a tour of a cider factory! Cider has become my favourite alcoholic beverage here in the UK: less strong than, say, beer, but more manly than, say, Cali shandy.

(I have a low threshold)

Anyway, it was great fun for everyone in the ASEAN delegation to go around the apple farm and see how everything was picked and processed. With the gorgeous countryside bathed in a warm sunset glow, the diplomats all acknowledged the entire trip was very fruitful (har!) and productive, and that Taunton was indeed a very special place.

Although the Ambassadors' ride was slightly different from what they were used to.

Postscript: the cider must have had more alcohol than I thought, because I could have sworn I saw a giant white horse on the side of a mountain during the train ride home.

YOU KNOW WHERE TO REACH ME, AZKALS

Note to self: if you're gonna jump on the Philippine football bandwagon, make sure you're in shape to make the leap. Otherwise...splat!

Really, what made my flabby ass think it was a good idea to challenge - on behalf of ASEAN - our UK Foreign Office counterparts to a friendly match? Watching Match of the Day, playing Wii Soccer and naming the LLDD-baby Ma. Beckham United do not make me a footballer, dammit!

Oh well. What's done is done. At least goodwill was generated and fun had by all. But, please, someone kick me in the nutmeg if I ever think of doing something like this again.

For obvious reasons, our ASEAN teammates took up the attacking skill positions, while the Philippine Embassy players stayed back in defense. Three minutes in, nakapamewang na lahat kami. You can't teach that form, you just can't.

Nobody looks at a ball he knows he can't get to with as much intensity as I do. Despite my fierce look, my thought bubble read "Please don't head towards me, please don't head towards me"

Not bad. In the heat of battle, I manage to be photographed with a Close-up smile while playing. I say that makes me as marketable as a Younghusband, no?

Final score: ASEAN 5 - UK Foreign Office 4. And only three of their goals were my fault!

(Azkals, call me!)

THE BATCH-AT-POST RIZAL CELEBRATION BATTLE WAS ON

Paternity leave over (sigh), but not a moment too soon as far as my office was concerned, as Philippine foreign service posts all over the world were busy staging their respective Rizal 150th anniversary activities. I can proudly say the Embassy in London was not left behind in the pabonggahan.

(It is little known that bongga is a universally accepted diplomatic term)

So what my batchmates got?

San Francisco PCG

The old "wow-we-have-a-direct-descendant-of-Rizal-here-today-with-us", a great grand nephew to be precise. Not bad, not bad. But we also had a Rizal great grand nephew of our own here in the UK (third from right)

Advantage London, because if we learned nothing else from Glee, it's that those with the Bieberish look cannot lose.

Seoul PE

A donation of educational materials on Philippine culture, including Rizal's "The Monkey and the Turtle". Cool. London also had a talk on "Monkey"...

...delivered by the same author whose book the Embassy launched last June which carried the greatest of taglines "so many armpits, so little deodorant". Case closed. Although I should also add the historical note that Rizal specifically contributed "Monkey" to a London magazine, one of his few writings in English. So neener neener, Seoul.

Hong Kong PCG

A walkabout through Rizal's daily route. Historical and healthy! Thing is, we also held a historical walk in London, one that ended at Rizal's house in posh Primrose Hill (where many celebrities now live). . .

. . . and what's that? . . .

. . . Rizal's great grand nephew can play the violin, and actually serenaded everyone on Rizal's doorsteps?! Ay sobrang nakaka in-love na yang batang 'yan, ha

Agana PCG

Inauguration of a Rizal reading room at the consulate. Well played. The Embassy in London also has a Filipiniana resource center, and while we haven't officially named it yet, it does carry several great original Rizal-centric artworks. . .

. . .and since Agana brought up the term reading room, well, London PE is now compelled to mention the most famous of 'em all and...oh, no we didn't...oh, yes we did break out the book Rizal signed to gain access to the British Museum's Round Reading Room!

Phi-lip-pines! Phi-lip-pines! Phi-lip-pines!

So is there no one left? Is there no post that can match London PE's Rizal-360? Is there nowhere in the worl....

Madrid PE

(ay)

Dios mio. A concert of musical arrangements of Rizal's written works. A lecture titled "Rotten Beef and Stinking Fish". So many activities the main press release thought it best to double up on the lead photo collage. Very, very well done, Madrid. If I had to choose, my favourite would be the non-stop reading of Noli me Tangere -- an incredible display of skill, passion and strength.

In contrast, I stumbled right out of the gate and was wheezing and dizzy after this two-minute reading of a friar's letter to Rizal. Too much emote.

I take solace in the fact that, well, this is Madrid we're dealing with after all. Centuries old ties and all that. I mean, they have their own full-sized Rizal monument and a Metro station named Islas Filipinas for crying out loud.

Allthooouuughhhhhh....if I got my history right, there is a London Tube station named after Pacquiao's last British opponent and the punch that did him in...

And just like that, London PE is back in the game

SO THIS IS HOW CALVIN'S PHOTOGRAPHER FELT

I swear, I won't be one of those parents who won't shut up or stop bragging about their babies (or, as they call the female of that specie here in the UK, dummy mummies). Nope, none of that lack of civility here on this blog dedicated to the advancement of law and diplomacy.

That being said, I am still very much a certified LL-DD-PP (Proud Parent), and if I can make any connection between my little bundle of joy and legal embassy work...THEN ALL BETS ARE OFF!

So...who wants to see my baby getting her first diplomatic passport photos taken? You do!!

Now, because I'm so pitied high-ranking at the office, I thought any photos of the LLDD-Baby I submitted would be rubber-stamp approved post-haste. I was wrong. Big time. Indeed, the entire set of photos I first took were decisively rejected by the consular boss with by-the-book certainty:

None of the pictures would be acceptable for the passport. Mouth should be closed. She should also be looking up at you -- so it looks straight. Adjust her neck as you take photos. Hands must also be down.

OK...mouth closed, check. Look straight, check. Hands down, check.

blue background of Embassy, check

OK. I think I got all that. Sounds easy enough. Let's fraking DO this!!!

(after three hours.....)

(sigh)

And to think, this is just for the passport. What the heck am I going to do about photos for the British visa?

I got your diplomatic immunity right here, daddy.