CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION IV

ummm....

• Well, someone's happy to see me.
• The Olympics are comin......You know what? We can waste time trying to come up with more craptions, but we all know where this is headed.  So let's all just stop giggling, be mature for once, have fun watching the Games, and -- altogether now! -- GO! RE-PUB-LI-KA, NG PI-LI-PI-NAS! GO! RE-PUB-LI-KA, NG PI-LI-PI-NAS!  
• (giggle)

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION III

On your mark, bed set . . .

• I should be tested for a performance enhancing drug, if you know what I mean.
• The sheets double as mats and instructions for Olympic Twister, if you know what I mean.
• I always believed post-practice should also be shirts against skins, if you know what I mean.
• Lots of room to work on your backstroke here, if you know what I mean
• Usain Bolt is not the only one with a sub-10 second time, if you know what I mean.

(I Olympicly dedicate this entire post to the LLDD-Hyphen-L...if you know what I mean)

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION II

• The torch relay was briefly interrupted when some embassy admin officer decided to check his chancery's smoke detectors
• The lightsaber bout between the young Jedi Attaché Olympic and the giant Sith Darth Glandular was epic, but couldn't always be caught within the TV camera's frame. 
• Pau Gasol came through the Olympic Park's smoking section asking "boss, may sindi ka?" and I delivered, dammit!  
• Gold torch, silver tie, bronze bod. Hell yeah.
• Lost in all the Nikes and Coca-Colas and McDonalds is the fact that Tawas is also an official Olympic sponsor.

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION I

On your mark, get set. . .

• This is what happens when Rajo Laurel spends all of his budget for the Philippine Olympic team barongs on design and tailoring, and leaves nothing for hiring models.
• Our men's individual synchronized swimmer looks out of shape.
• The consular outreach mission to Olympic Park was efficient and finished early, but really, we only  had 11 athletes to serve. 
• In the spirit of the Olympic truce, Captain DFA reveals his secret identity.
• What do you mean this isn't Bajo de Masinloc?!?

Bonus Olympic poll! Below are the podium occupants who immediately preceded the LLDD 

Now, in the spirit of Citius Altius Fortius, determine: who's hotter?

Hey! No fair jumping!

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWNNNNNNNNNNN...

 dah-na-na-nuuuuh, dah-na-na-na-nuh....

Crunch time.  The Olympics are just a few days away, and everyone is stressing.  Athletes are nervous over their training, tourists are anxious about bookings, embassies are occupied with visiting delegations - even I'm having sleepless nights over what to do with the LLDD-Hyphen-L and LLDD-baby during the games.    

"anak, wala talagang ma-score na tickets si daddy"

The one who's under the most strain, of course, is London.  To bring you up to speed on what's going on,  here's a quick special Olympic edition of "Travel Advisory":

• When I said London was under a lot of pressure and cracks were starting to show, I didn't mean, you know, literally.
• Immigration officers will go on strike the day before the start of the games.  In an obvious wala 'yan sa lolo ko move, train drivers vote to strike for three days during the Olympics.
• You know how in the movies, military types like to say "failure is not an option."  Well, London just discovered that thousands of its hired Olympic security personnel consider work "attendance-optional" 
• Maybe if the bus drivers here operated on a "boundary" system... 
• I heard the non-stop rain turned Hyde Park into a mud pit, forcing the cancellation of several Olympic run-up concerts including...oh...oh God, no...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  

Puts the whole "CICC has a leak" hysteria into perspective, doesn't it?

*********

(UPDATE! By the time you read this, you would have heard of the Korean football flag flap.  The funny thing is, just a week earlier, organizers had expressed confidence nothing of the sort would happen during the games.  The whole thing is a cautionary tale for all FSOs and protocol officers out there, and "Borat" should forever haunt them in their sleep.  High five!)

*********

Still, I have faith London will pull through and stage a great games. Why?  Because I had the privilege of joining Team Philippines' Olympic Village Welcome Ceremony -- the delegation's first and defining impression of London organizers -- and it was one of the sharpest, happiest, trippiest things I have ever seen up close.  By the time it was over I was skipping along and bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter.  Like all Olympians should.

      

Because if performance art and "Don't Stop Me Now" don't work, what hope is there for humanity?  

  

IT'S SATURDAY, I MUST BE IN...SWANSEA

We've become so efficient with our consular outreach missions that we're in and out of British cities so quick, I've now run out/can't think of grand themes or hooks for the corresponding blog posts.  For instance, who can forget the great "Very Special Episode/Viva Hotbabes reunion/I love the 90s/Dolphy retrospective/Star Wars trilogy" story arc I wrote for our trip to Newcastle-upon-Tyne? Neither can I.

Anyway, for lack of talent and theme, let's just see if we - as they love saying here in the UK- ticked all the boxes while in Swansea:

Meet the local government heads, leave with bling envy

tick

During the drive back to town, spot the local challenger to the Philippines' "Petal Attraction"  

"Herr Kutts".  tick (barely)

Meet a dozen or so different Fil-com leaders for dinner, happily have a 25-minute picture-picture session involving a dozen or so different cameras

click

Hold the outreach mission in a hospital rec room, convert foosball table into reception desk

tick (and score!)

As we finish and head home, watch the rain finally stop

tick

but new for Swansea: panoramic!

To be fair, there is one thing the consular team does -- and always does -- whenever it's in Swansea that it can't do anywhere else: get lost while searching for the home of Catherine Zeta-Jones 

based on the video's comments section, it's kinda a Swansea thing