HAT TRICKS

"I am planning to turn the embassy into a girl's boudoir, but all in white"

And with those few simple e-mailed words, this normally artsy-phobic LLDD gave the imprimatur for turning over the Embassy's function rooms to a couple of high fashion designers as part of a big international showcase. I'm that easy.

Now in case you're wondering why some fashionistas would be turning to moi in particular for permission to hold a design event, it's because I now serve as much administrative as substantive roles at the office -- and gatekeeper to the embassy's premises is just one of the several hats I currently wear.

pictured: said hats

As you can tell, one of the exhibiting designers was a milliner, which is a professional fashion term for "something I need to google to find out what it means".

a Manchester City midfielder who scores three goals? (damn you, autocomplete!)

Credit to the milliner, the Embassy's normally staid functions rooms were indeed transformed into something almost unrecognisable...

...with uber-feminine features and fixtures all around, origami flowers representing a little girl's dreams hanging everywhere, even a Georgina Wilson video casting a classy-cool shadow over the place. The entire area gave off an airy, dainty, delicaaAND NOW EVERYTHING'S COVERED IN BLOOD

Did I mention the other designer featured at the Embassy was of the edgy, avant-garde variety? With a - shall we say - different interpretation of what a boudoir should look like? Um, yeah. I must have failed to mention it because, for all that blood, what really scared and unnerved me was the subsequent arrival of the beautiful people/fashion statement crowd to the exhibit opening. The more the Embassy rooms filled with those black-clad, boot-rocking, hat-wearing chic and trendy guests, the more me, my Jestonic hair, and my machine washable suit, coffee-stained tie and three-to-a-plastic-tube shirt felt all alone.

"Daddy, you're so last pbbbssthththt"

Magsama kayo ni Harper Seven.