Several years ago, the Sports Guy came up with an elaborate process for choosing an English Premier League Team. Having been in the UK for close to three years now, I decided it was high time I too made a decision on what EPL club to support. My own selection system, however, was far simpler and shallower:
1) It has to be a London-based team, because I'm too pretty and delicate to go on crowded coach trips with other supporters/hooligans for hours just to catch a match --- this leaves Arsenal, Tottenham, Queens Park Rangers, Chelsea and Fulham in the running.
2) Under the same reasoning, it may as well be a team right next to my West London "Cheese Whiz" neighbourhood --- that means adios Arsenal and ta-tah Tottenham, ye of North London.
3) It need not have to be a championship contender (so the fans can't be accused of frontrunning), but it shouldn't suck and be threatened with relegation either --- so can't save you, Queen's Park Rangers.
our cab driver agrees
4) Nobody likes Chelsea.
Ok then. That seems to have narrowed things down considerably. But just to seal the deal, I gotta know from the remaining candidate:
1) Does it proudly have an Azkal on its roster?
Check
2) Is the team's stadium possibly the prettiest and most picturesque in the Premiership, featuring among others: a) a riverside terrace with great after-the-match-walk-home views....
Check
....and, b) a papemelroti-esque cottage right on the field, with all the WAGs conveniently gathered on the balcony for easier papera-stalking?
Check (and thank you)
3) Finally, does it pay proper tribute to that great football icon, Michael Jackson?
Che.....wait, what?
That settles it then. Fulham FC, I choose you!
Well I'm hooked! Great atmosphere, friendly fans, good-quality football. I even like to think of myself now as a lucky charm of sorts for the team, as I happened to be recording whenever a Fulham goal-scoring chance came up
Fulham new boy Pavel makes it 1-0
Fulham stud Dempsey makes it 2-0 with a long-distance strike
Right at the end, Fulham stud Dempsey shoots at an open goal....and misses (leading to a decidedly unstudly squeal from me)
Good times, good times. And as the match ends, I get to soak in the great walk-home riverside views, the lively football fan chatter, and everything else that makes my new club great.
Such as the surprising "mamase mamasa mamakuza" football chants
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