TRUST THE DUE PROCESS

So I lost my cadetship lecture virginity the other day. Not that I had been frequently propositioned before, but I did manage to abstain for over a decade and counting. Perhaps in my head I was still waiting for that perfect time. In the end, it was just ok for me -- meaningful and memorable, yes, but nothing earth-moving. And it was all over before I knew it.

If I sound emo about my experience, it's perhaps because my designated lecture topic wasn't anything sexy like "Multilateral Foreign Policy" or "Disarmament Diplomacy". Nah, my subject was "Proper Procedures in Office/Administrative Cases". Ooooh baby. 

Make no mistake, that's actually a very important matter for all personnel, and at the moment I'm much more qualified speaking on it than on anything substantive. But procedure can be a bit mundane and mechanical. Any humor or enjoyment from it would be awkward, ironic and uncomfortable.

In other words, it's perfect for "The Office"!

Yes, thanks to Dwight & Co., I had the perfect visual aid for use during my first time, and a practical how-to guide for everything I wanted to know about Due Process but was afraid to ask

CASE STUDY

Jim: [Dwight hands Jim a piece of paper] Oh, what's this?

Civil Service rules expressly state that proceedings can be initiated even without complying with strict forms and technicalities. Still, Dwight could have helped his cause more if his complaint wasn't just hastily written on what appears to be a big ass post-it note.

His service of summons technique also needs work

Dwight: That is a demerit.

Jim: [reads demerit] "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already.

You can sass all you want, Jim, but Habitual Tardiness is classified as a Grave Offense punishable by suspension of up to six months for the first offense and dismissal for the second. Dwight's just laying the basis here.

Dwight: You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.

This is true.

Jim: Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?

Complaints must be written in clear, simple and concise language so as to apprise the person complained of, of the nature and cause of the accusation. On the other hand, "ignoratia legis neminem excusat", Jim.

Dwight: [scoffs] Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.

Jim: Lay it on me.

I'll need to check, but I think this constitutes a Show-Cause Order.

Dwight: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.

Jim: Now that sounds serious.

Aw, yeah. Dwight's about to get the Due Process train rollin' 

Dwight: Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.

Boom. Compliance with all the Due Process requirements as set forth in the landmark "Ang Tibay" case. Right to a Hearing, Substantial Evidence, Consideration of the Laws and Facts Presented -- it's all there. Dwight's got this...

Jim: Which would be me.

Dwight: That is correct.

...EXCEPT for his failure to take into consideration who the Disciplining Authority is as provided by pertinent rules and regulations. The Disciplining Authority is expressly authorized to hear and decide cases involving his/her own personnel without violating the Due Process clause.  Dwight should have instead gone to an office with original concurrent jurisdiction over the case (like, say, Slough)

Jim: OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.

Dwight: What's a dis... what's that?

Jim: Oh, you don't want to know.

Oh, Jim. No one shall be removed or suspended from service except for cause provided by law. Counter-charging and punishing Dwight like that with some made up secret crap violates like twelve different sections of the Constitution itself. You bad, bad boy.

You're a terrible example for the cadets