CONSULAR QUERY OF THE DAY

I'm on it

----- Original Message -----

From: ****

To: ****

Sent: 9 March 2012

Subject: Information request

Could you please provide me with details of who I can contact in your country concerning reports and research regarding UFOs.

ROYAL MAILBAG!

Cool! I didn't realize there were a bunch of recent comments on some earlier posts. This gives me a chance to pretend I'm doing one of those reader mail columns (or as the British call it, "another thing soon to be privatised"). Let's get right to them:

wow wonderful.looking forward to following you on twitter. the LLDD-baby is so cute! happy new year! Posted by aNgeLjOy

Why thank you ms. case-sensitive-username-I-cant-spell-because-im-typing-right-now-while-eating-a-burrito. But I don't think I'll ever take to twitter because taking care of the LLDD-Baby uses up most of my time now, plus it's too hard to tweet with one hand while carrying the little monster in the other. I can't multitask is what I'm saying.

amateur

Your blog posts are always amusing :) and of course right on target. I took the 2011 exam and made it to the written exam. You are so right about the preparation part. No amount of cramming will ever help if you're not a wide reader. I nearly made it to the cut-off missing it by 6 points. I will take the exam again this year hoping that last year's experience will help me to be more at ease and finally get that 6 points to make it to the next level :) Posted by Anonymous

Atta boy! Er, girl? UP Student Council President? Whatever, you just keep reading the good newspapers, practice your long-form writing and every so often break out into public speaking/interpretative dance, and you should be good for the next exams. And I wouldn't fret about the cut-off because (I think) the thing's moveable depending on the number of open slots to fill, and should never be taken as the end-all be-all. As a very wise man put it, "There's just so much talent this season, dawg, and we can only put through the best of the best of the best, and we have to send home some really talented people, you know what I'm saying? I mean, we got to look at everyone's entire body of work...it's hard dawg, it's hard. But you know what? YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD under the consular jurisdiction of Los Angeles PCG!

You can EARN TWICE MORE, confirm your real abilities and knowledge with the diploma. It is YOUR CHANCE Some people are spending many years for getting their degree! But you can get it within a shorter period of time! Bachelors, Masters, MBA and/or Doctorate (PhD). Moreover you don’t need to go to university and suffer all those boring long lectures! Posted by Bliss

Ok, that one might actually be spam that somehow got through to the comments section. Still, good to know Bliss can hook me up.

On the picture "Baptism of Fire", I know that church and the priest :) It's the parish where I serve... Nice :). Posted by Anonymous

Funny thing, the priest throughout the baptism ceremony kept on asking the LLDD-Hyphen-L and me "Why did you choose this day? What is the significance of this date?" We weren't quite sure what to answer other than "Ngayon lang hindi booked ang Kamayan Padre Faura function room". It turned out the priest kept asking because it was his birthday! We only found out later because people outside were setting up tables and putting up a large tarpaulin banner greeting him. A lechon may or may not have been delivered. Had we known, we would have cancelled the Kamayan booking, dropped your name, and held the LLDD-baby's party right there!

Thanks for the funny blog! I'm also an aspiring LLDD. Cheers. Posted by LLDD#2

No, thank you LLDD#2! I like that you've adopted my name -- it gives us a Sith master-apprentice kinda vibe. Although you do realize, when people ask about us, they'll be asking "Number One or Number Two?"

speaking of Siths and Number Twos....YOU HAVE FAILED TO CHANGE MY NAPPY FOR THE LAST TIME, DADDY!

Well that was fun! Let's hope the mail keeps coming!

(Unless it's from the UK. They'll probably be on strike again)

HAT TRICKS

"I am planning to turn the embassy into a girl's boudoir, but all in white"

And with those few simple e-mailed words, this normally artsy-phobic LLDD gave the imprimatur for turning over the Embassy's function rooms to a couple of high fashion designers as part of a big international showcase. I'm that easy.

Now in case you're wondering why some fashionistas would be turning to moi in particular for permission to hold a design event, it's because I now serve as much administrative as substantive roles at the office -- and gatekeeper to the embassy's premises is just one of the several hats I currently wear.

pictured: said hats

As you can tell, one of the exhibiting designers was a milliner, which is a professional fashion term for "something I need to google to find out what it means".

a Manchester City midfielder who scores three goals? (damn you, autocomplete!)

Credit to the milliner, the Embassy's normally staid functions rooms were indeed transformed into something almost unrecognisable...

...with uber-feminine features and fixtures all around, origami flowers representing a little girl's dreams hanging everywhere, even a Georgina Wilson video casting a classy-cool shadow over the place. The entire area gave off an airy, dainty, delicaaAND NOW EVERYTHING'S COVERED IN BLOOD

Did I mention the other designer featured at the Embassy was of the edgy, avant-garde variety? With a - shall we say - different interpretation of what a boudoir should look like? Um, yeah. I must have failed to mention it because, for all that blood, what really scared and unnerved me was the subsequent arrival of the beautiful people/fashion statement crowd to the exhibit opening. The more the Embassy rooms filled with those black-clad, boot-rocking, hat-wearing chic and trendy guests, the more me, my Jestonic hair, and my machine washable suit, coffee-stained tie and three-to-a-plastic-tube shirt felt all alone.

"Daddy, you're so last pbbbssthththt"

Magsama kayo ni Harper Seven.

YOU THINK?

Showing that diplomats too can be hip to this interweb fad, the image below has been doing the rounds of FSOs' facebook accounts as the profession's contribution to the "what I think I do" meme.

because "loldiplocats" was deemed too edgy

This in turn brings to my mind a story a couple of years ago when my Fil-Aussie nephews (Oi, Oi and Oi), then aged three to seven, used to visit the Philippines. To endear myself to them and seem like a cool tito, I would never fail to come home from work bearing some food pasalubong, usually sweet baked goods.

One day, their mom thought to ask them "You're uncle is a diplomat. Do you know what diplomats do?"

The second nephew (Oi), without missing a beat, replied "make doughnuts?"

*sigh*

It's a shame that's what they think I do. But I can't reveal my true identity. I just can't.

TINIMBANG KA NGUNIT FULHAM

Several years ago, the Sports Guy came up with an elaborate process for choosing an English Premier League Team. Having been in the UK for close to three years now, I decided it was high time I too made a decision on what EPL club to support. My own selection system, however, was far simpler and shallower:

1) It has to be a London-based team, because I'm too pretty and delicate to go on crowded coach trips with other supporters/hooligans for hours just to catch a match --- this leaves Arsenal, Tottenham, Queens Park Rangers, Chelsea and Fulham in the running.

2) Under the same reasoning, it may as well be a team right next to my West London "Cheese Whiz" neighbourhood --- that means adios Arsenal and ta-tah Tottenham, ye of North London.

3) It need not have to be a championship contender (so the fans can't be accused of frontrunning), but it shouldn't suck and be threatened with relegation either --- so can't save you, Queen's Park Rangers.

our cab driver agrees

4) Nobody likes Chelsea.

Ok then. That seems to have narrowed things down considerably. But just to seal the deal, I gotta know from the remaining candidate:

1) Does it proudly have an Azkal on its roster?

Check

2) Is the team's stadium possibly the prettiest and most picturesque in the Premiership, featuring among others: a) a riverside terrace with great after-the-match-walk-home views....

Check

....and, b) a papemelroti-esque cottage right on the field, with all the WAGs conveniently gathered on the balcony for easier papera-stalking?

Check (and thank you)

3) Finally, does it pay proper tribute to that great football icon, Michael Jackson?

Che.....wait, what?

That settles it then. Fulham FC, I choose you!

Well I'm hooked! Great atmosphere, friendly fans, good-quality football. I even like to think of myself now as a lucky charm of sorts for the team, as I happened to be recording whenever a Fulham goal-scoring chance came up

Fulham new boy Pavel makes it 1-0

Fulham stud Dempsey makes it 2-0 with a long-distance strike

Right at the end, Fulham stud Dempsey shoots at an open goal....and misses (leading to a decidedly unstudly squeal from me)

Good times, good times. And as the match ends, I get to soak in the great walk-home riverside views, the lively football fan chatter, and everything else that makes my new club great.

Such as the surprising "mamase mamasa mamakuza" football chants

THIS YEAR'S OFFICE BASKETBALL TEAM RECRUITMENT IS GOING WELL

I mentioned briefly during the last year-in-review that the Embassy actually had the basketballs to field a team in the largest London FilCom tournament, and in the spirit of fostering good relations we..um, chose to lose by 30 points. A game. For five straight games.

Well then. You may be the country's new heroes, FilCom, but every FSO cadet knows the Three Pillars of Philippine Policy are a smart point guard, a quick swingman, and a dominating center. So this year, there's no more fooling around. This year, we intend to kick a**. This year...we will stretch the definition of what constitutes an Embassy employee eligible to play in the tournament to "whoever happens to be in the UK for a series of exhibition games and pays a courtesy call on the Ambassador".

mmmm...I don't know...I count only six former MVPs...I still better put myself down for 40 minutes of playing time a game, just to be safe.

GOTTA CATCH A CAB / 'EM ALL

You may have heard that our tourism office has been tricking out some of those iconic London black cabs and splashing "Philippines" all over their sides. Hells yeah. And soon they will be retrofitted with the new "It's more Fun..." images, just in time for the Olympics. Represent.

There are now 50 of these bad boys roaming London, and it's become a parlour game of sorts to spot and snap them all over town. I've personally seen maybe 20 of them and been able to kodak eight eleven (updated) as they passed by famous landmarks.

Trafalgar Square

Admiralty Arch



Her Majesty's Theatre



Hyde Park

Westfield mall 

Picadilly Circus*

(*If you think the LLDD is the more famous landmark that should have been referred to, I have no problem with that)

Bayswater (sorta kinda near Notting Hill)

The Ritz Hotel

Knightsbridge (near Harrod's)

Regent Street

Mansion House

It's also very possible tourism says they've got 50 taxis, and I've just seen one taxi over and over and over again.

Either way, Billy Joe...play us out!