7.28.2012

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION IV


ummm....


  • Well, someone's happy to see me.
  • The Olympics are comin......You know what? We can waste time trying to come up with more craptions, but we all know where this is headed.  So let's all just stop giggling, be mature for once, have fun watching the Games, and -- altogether now! -- GO! RE-PUB-LI-KA, NG PI-LI-PI-NAS! GO! RE-PUB-LI-KA, NG PI-LI-PI-NAS!  
  • (giggle)

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION III


On your mark, bed set . . .


  • I should be tested for a performance enhancing drug, if you know what I mean.
  • The sheets double as mats and instructions for Olympic Twister, if you know what I mean.
  • I always believed post-practice should also be shirts against skins, if you know what I mean.
  • Lots of room to work on your backstroke here, if you know what I mean
  • Usain Bolt is not the only one with a sub-10 second time, if you know what I mean.

(I Olympicly dedicate this entire post to the LLDD-Hyphen-L...if you know what I mean)

7.27.2012

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION II



  • The torch relay was briefly interrupted when some embassy admin officer decided to check his chancery's smoke detectors
  • The lightsaber bout between the young Jedi Attaché Olympic and the giant Sith Darth Glandular was epic, but couldn't always be caught within the TV camera's frame. 
  • Pau Gasol came through the Olympic Park's smoking section asking "boss, may sindi ka?" and I delivered, dammit!  
  • Gold torch, silver tie, bronze bod. Hell yeah.
  • Lost in all the Nikes and Coca-Colas and McDonalds is the fact that Tawas is also an official Olympic sponsor.

7.24.2012

CRAPTIONS: SPECIAL OLYMPIC EDITION I


On your mark, get set. . .


  • This is what happens when Rajo Laurel spends all of his budget for the Philippine Olympic team barongs on design and tailoring, and leaves nothing for hiring models.
  • Our men's individual synchronized swimmer looks out of shape.
  • The consular outreach mission to Olympic Park was efficient and finished early, but really, we only  had 11 athletes to serve. 
  • In the spirit of the Olympic truce, Captain DFA reveals his secret identity.
  • What do you mean this isn't Bajo de Masinloc?!?

Bonus Olympic poll! Below are the podium occupants who immediately preceded the LLDD 


Now, in the spirit of Citius Altius Fortius, determine: who's hotter?



Hey! No fair jumping!

7.22.2012

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWNNNNNNNNNNN...


 dah-na-na-nuuuuh, dah-na-na-na-nuh....


Crunch time.  The Olympics are just a few days away, and everyone is stressing.  Athletes are nervous over their training, tourists are anxious about bookings, embassies are occupied with visiting delegations - even I'm having sleepless nights over what to do with the LLDD-Hyphen-L and LLDD-baby during the games.    


"anak, wala talagang ma-score na tickets si daddy"


The one who's under the most strain, of course, is London.  To bring you up to speed on what's going on,  here's a quick special Olympic edition of "Travel Advisory":


Puts the whole "CICC has a leak" hysteria into perspective, doesn't it?

*********

(UPDATE! By the time you read this, you would have heard of the Korean football flag flap.  The funny thing is, just a week earlier, organizers had expressed confidence nothing of the sort would happen during the games.  The whole thing is a cautionary tale for all FSOs and protocol officers out there, and "Borat" should forever haunt them in their sleep.  High five!)

*********

Still, I have faith London will pull through and stage a great games. Why?  Because I had the privilege of joining Team Philippines' Olympic Village Welcome Ceremony -- the delegation's first and defining impression of London organizers -- and it was one of the sharpest, happiest, trippiest things I have ever seen up close.  By the time it was over I was skipping along and bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter.  Like all Olympians should.



      


Because if performance art and "Don't Stop Me Now" don't work, what hope is there for humanity?  
  

7.08.2012

IT'S SATURDAY, I MUST BE IN...SWANSEA


We've become so efficient with our consular outreach missions that we're in and out of British cities so quick, I've now run out/can't think of grand themes or hooks for the corresponding blog posts.  For instance, who can forget the great "Very Special Episode/Viva Hotbabes reunion/I love the 90s/Dolphy retrospective/Star Wars trilogy" story arc I wrote for our trip to Newcastle-upon-Tyne? Neither can I.

Anyway, for lack of talent and theme, let's just see if we - as they love saying here in the UK- ticked all the boxes while in Swansea:


Meet the local government heads, leave with bling envy

tick


During the drive back to town, spot the local challenger to the Philippines' "Petal Attraction"  

"Herr Kutts".  tick (barely)


Meet a dozen or so different Fil-com leaders for dinner, happily have a 25-minute picture-picture session involving a dozen or so different cameras

click


Hold the outreach mission in a hospital rec room, convert foosball table into reception desk

tick (and score!)


As we finish and head home, watch the rain finally stop

tick



but new for Swansea: panoramic!



To be fair, there is one thing the consular team does -- and always does -- whenever it's in Swansea that it can't do anywhere else: get lost while searching for the home of Catherine Zeta-Jones 


based on the video's comments section, it's kinda a Swansea thing

6.30.2012

CRAPTIONS: INDEPENDENCE MONTH SPECIAL EDITION


What the freedom is going on here? 




  • This being Britain, the crowd for the giant-screen viewing of Pacquiao-Bradley had to be properly behaved, lined and attired.
  • The Department of Tourism just rolled out London's first ever "More Fun in the Philippines" triple-decker bus.
  • Horribly misunderstanding how online map searches work, I make everyone come in national dress and mark the Embassy with an "x" for the Google Earth satellite.    
  • Heathrow wouldn't let us all personally send off the President, so we just stood outside and waved at the passing planes.
  • "Look up in the sky....it's Captain DFA!"





 The correct answer, of course, is far more awesome (if a lot less funny) 

6.10.2012

UNVEILED VISIT! WITH PICTURES YOU WERE NOT MEANT TO SEE!

...mainly because my pictures suck.  But my thinking is, if you want high-quality footage of the visit (and numerous LLDD cameos!), you go to RTVM's youtube channel or PCOO's archives or any other big media outlet.

On the other hand, if you want hasty shots taken 10 seconds before/after or 10 feet to the right/left of said high-quality stuff, I'm your guy. Thus:


WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN  

The Arrival


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN


Even pilots gotta get them some picture-picture




WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN

The Embassy staff greeting line


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN



About half of the Embassy personnel were nursing coughs and colds that night.  It was probably the combination of London weather, lack of sleep, and cramped and stuffy secretariat rooms.  That we wiped out the junk food tray at the bottom left while the healthy fruit tray right beside went untouched didn't help things either.



Bonus What You Might Not Have Seen: by a small miracle of timing, the official convoy pulled up at the hotel exactly as the nearby Jubilee concert was ending.  Had the convoy approached even just two minutes later, it would have gotten stuck in traffic for ages behind the 100,000-strong concert crowd spilling out onto the streets.  As it turned out, the President stepped out of his car and headed towards the greeting line just as the closing fireworks were going off.  We had half a mind to take credit for the pyrotechnics and say they were really meant to welcome him, until someone wisely pointed out "ok, what if he expects something for his departure?"     




WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN

The Museum Visit


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN
















There's nothing more feel-good than visiting a public place and then getting a spontaneous photo-op with happy kababayans who happen to be there.  In the case of the lady above, her British husband who worked at the museum phoned her at home and told her "get over here, your President is here!"  She then rushed to the museum to try and catch the President and maybe get some picture-picture.  When she arrived, most of the Presidential entourage were still deep inside a basement exhibit, so she patiently waited at the main hall.  She was excited, but for some reason also noticeably nervous.  In turned out she hadn't been to the Philippines since the 90s, and had no idea what the current President looked like!  So as the entourage began filing out of the exhibit, people began playfully joking to her "O, 'yan na ba? S'ya na ba 'yan? Sigurado ka?" and "Baka kay Presidente mo maabot yung camera mo at siya pakunan mo ng litrato, ha!"  =)       




WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN


The "More Fun" Photoshoot


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN


Ah, the best laid plans.  A fleet of "More Fun" taxis and a double-decker bus were neatly lined up right outside the hotel and ready for their close-up. Then London weather happened.  Everything outdoors was drenched, and the group photo-op as originally planned was no longer doable.  So a spot decision was made: the bus would be re-positioned at the hotel driveway (where it blocked traffic temporarily), and the stage would be rebuilt under the edge of balcony (where those at the front row would be ok, but those in the rear [such as me] would get the backs of their clothes wet).  In the end, they pulled off the photo-shoot, but it was very much think-on-your-feet makeshift stuff.  




(speaking of makeshift, you may wish to keep a mental note that those "More Fun" goodie bags apparently also make excellent interview backdrops)




WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN

The Speech to the Fil-Com


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN


The ballroom where the speech was made had a big main entrance, and the audience thought the VIPs would be entering through there and therefore all faced that way.  So anyone (including moi) who walked into the room close to the scheduled start of the program was greeted by excited shouts and flashing bulbs, like they were movie stars on a red carpet.  I may or may not have entered and exited the room several times just to milk this.  Anyway, the crowd will realize the President actually arrived through a small entrance at the opposite end of the room in 3...2...1...
....there we go




WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN

















The Official Luncheon


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN






















Alas, we've come to the stage of the visit that was so high-level, I wasn't invited or allowed anywhere near any of the activities.  So for the official luncheon, I got nothing for you except pictures of our advance site recon (I still refuse to call it " 'reccy'-rhymes-with-Becky"), and the bit of trivia that the place where the lunch was held was also where they shot the climactic scene of the critically acclaimed and award winning "The King's Speech."


WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN

The Official Meeting



WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN
































Again, I didn't get a sniff of the place during the actual activity.  All I have are these recon pics and the assurance that No. 10 in person looks nothing like what was shown in the critically acclaimed and award winning "King Ralph" 



WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN


The Palace Visit


WHAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE SEEN

Well, duh! If I couldn't get in the luncheon or in No. 10, of course I wouldn't be able to get into into the Palace!  I just told myself that it's not the place for someone of my rank and stature, and only the highest officials and crème-de-la-crème of society may enter and grace its regal grounds  


  
what the bloody hell...


6.01.2012

BBC Travel

The Olympic Clock apparently had enough of me calling it a nag, so it called its brother Time and its pal Fate and set on short notice the V-est of possible VIP visits to London well ahead of the Games. For added degree of difficulty, they scheduled everything to go down on a Jubilee weekend when all major London roads will be closed and all city hotels will be full. 

Alrighty then.

But you won't break me, Clock.  This is what I trained for, 'innit? Keep Calm and Bring it On, I say.

In the meantime, I may not be breathing much less blogging until the end of it all, so I think now is as good a time as any to stall and just have a photodump of recent travels of the LLDD-family to BBC country - Blenheim, Brighton and Cambridge.  

By the time all the pics load, it should be time for the Opening Ceremonies, and that bloody Olympic Clock should be gone from my sights forever. 

Blenheim 





















Brighton
















Cambridge

















And it's always good to leave things on a Zombie Haiku note. It just is.