THE HAPPIEST TIME OF THE YEAR. . .

. . .for me is when Independence Day falls so closely to Father's day.  I get to watch the LLDD-Hyphen-L glam up for all the Kalayaan formal balls, even as I receive special dispensation to stay home, drink cider and watch the World Cup from the couch.  Everyone's a winner!

   well, except England

WORLDWIDE WEIRD

It just occurred to me that it's been while since I last received a press release from my British counterparts about their "bizarre" client requests. Indeed, the last British collection released below spans two years, which suggests they don't really have that many "strange" requests to report. This is unfortunate, as it denies us the regular opportunity to compare and contrast our countries' approaches to such supposed shenanigans.

Official PHL Position: "It depends on where the tattoo is located, sir."

But what's this?  Another country has stepped to the weirdness and gone at it hard -- on their top official's social media, no less!  So now, when you think of "strange", you think of...Singapore????

Official PHL Position: "No Philippine branch of KFC has ever not asked a customer - regardless of nationality - 'MaamSir, breast part or leg part?' immediately followed by 'MaamSir, willing to wait?'  Fact." 

And then just like "Argo", Canada's top diplomats swoop in out of nowhere -- and it is glorious.

Official PHL Position: "Canada is awesome"

AND HERE I THOUGHT I'D NEVER BE LATE FOR WORK AGAIN BECAUSE OF A PSYCHIC OCTOPUS TRAFFIC JAM.

Silly me.

Squidlock?  Traffoctopusgeddon? Pusit (pusit real good)?  Keep calm and calamari on?

BABY GIANT STEPS

Guys, back me up here: if you saw signs like these while driving along a British motorway . . .

. . . wouldn't you slam on the brakes, make a sharp turn, and gun the car towards this mystical-sounding place thinking it was made up of a Mayor Moss, Sheriff Naomi, Principal Cara plus hundreds of long-legged townfolk working the sidewalks like runways?

No?

It was just me?

You didn't think any of that?

Well full marks to you, Fabio.  A model village, I just recently learned, is not the British countryside equivalent of Wonder Woman's Paradise Island, but rather their term for sprawling layouts of miniature houses, cars, people, figurines -- you know, models.  There are about 30 all over the country, and the grandaddy of them all is a place we visited called Bekonscot.   

a.k.a. old-timey Sim City

OK fine, there wasn't a Cole or Huntington-Whitely to be seen anywhere on Bekonscot's grounds. But that didn't mean the place wasn't thoroughly awesome.  The trick to fully enjoying it is to look at every detail for little hidden jokes. . .  

. . . and understanding that having the LLDD-Baby stomp around among chest-high houses and puny humans is not only adorable . . .

. . .it's the PERFECT way to introduce her to my all-time favourite summer afternoon movie on Channel 9 back in the day, the majestic "Darna and the Giants"!!!!

Every - and I mean EVERY - scene with Ike Lozada deserves an Oscar

Hey, it just hit me -- the Philippines should make a Model Darna Village! Can you imagine, a Councillor Anjanette, a Kagawad Angel, a Capt. Lorna, a Mayor Marian, a Governor Vilma...

...oh, wait.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EMBASSY PRESS RELEASE IS PERFECT

I will be honest upfront: nothing I hereon write can possibly do this press release justice.  So much to see, so much going on, like so many shiny leaping multi-coloured blades of the world's most awesome Swiss army knife.

As an Information Officer myself, I am distraught that I cannot ever know the internal bliss that must come with drafting something as wonderful as this -- for I will never be able to draft anything as wonderful as this. Yet I am blessed just for having set eyes upon it, and would consider my life fulfilled if I could capture for posterity a fraction of a fraction of its gloriousness.

• Singing Ambassadors are not unheard of, in fact I'd be more surprised if a Filipino diplomat wasn't able to break out into "Anak" during any given ASEAN conference gala.  But this...this is a whole other level.  I mean, 10 previous albums!  And dropping a new one in Luneta!  Respect.  Nay, reverence.
• And - oh! - that backup band's name!  Please, please pleeeeeaaassse tell me Dave Barry has been informed.  
• Where that flag is sticking out from and how it got there only adds to the mystique of it all.  Legend has it the pole was shot down from the heavens by William Tell to mark the precise location where the photoshoot should take place.  Right on the money as usual, Mr. Tell.
• Indeed, the road chosen is of sublime width, creeping millimetre perfect up to the optimally located and heighted tree stump necessary to prop up the guitar leg. Providence, or Swiss precision? Does it matter when one is weeping tears of joy?  
• Your eyes will understandably be drawn to the national coloured suit placed on the right.   This scheme is for your own good to keep you from tragically gazing too long at the beauty of the central green tank top -- like diverting moths away from a light or pulling Icarus from the Sun.  The press release then is both informative and protective of you.  As all press releases aspire to be.

I cannot proceed.  Each additional word I write merely reminds me that I fail to give the PR the esteem it deserves.   My humility is as deep as the Alps are high.  I must kneel on one knee.  And point afar. And place a mic to my mouth and tilt my head oh-so-perfectly.

I am at peace.

U.N. BABY BABY, BABY BABY. . .

Spot-on depiction of a diplomatic meeting -- check

Proper 80's music reference -- check

UK messing up the vibe --  check

Yep, it's been a while, but I got me a new Official Theme Song / Video

 Pass that resolution real good

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LLDD-BA.....WAAAAHHH!!!!! SHE'S NOT A BABY ANYMORE!!!!

Sunrise, pansit.  Sigh, seems like just yesterday we first brought the LLDD-Baby home from the hospital. Now, she's already three years old and partying with her dearest friends from Britain (children's television, that is)

Don't think of it as a possible unauthorized use of copyrighted material.  Think of it as a form of Cultural Diplomacy that's made a little girl very VERY happy. 

BALDE LIST

Today marks exactly one year left in my foreign posting.  Rather than look back at the past five years, I chose to look forward to some of the things I still have left for me in my final twelve months in the UK:

• 2049 Nectar rewards points as of today I can still redeem 
• 1825 portions of fruit and veg the NHS says I have to eat under its "5 a day" campaign
• 1600 portions of chips and cider that I will consume and count towards my 5 a day
• 1460 seasons (because London has four seasons in a day, get it?)

pictured: Tuesday

• 700 LLDD-Baby viewings of Frozen  (take the "over")
• 470 tube rides to/from work (should be closer to 480 but yet another series of tube strikes was announced today)
• 150 trips to the grocery (including redeeming the two packs of gum my 2049 Nectar points are worth) 
• 104 Euromillions jackpots to be won (all I need is one, baby!)
• 60 consecutive quarters and counting of Philippine GDP growth
• 52 rubbish collection days/discreet inspections of neighbours' porches to see whether paper or plastic will be collected that week
• 38 Saturday nights spent on the couch watching "Match of the Day" (I regret nothing!)
• 25 or so "Inspirational Messages" to be delivered at various Fil-Com events
• 12 more haircuts (six if they raise prices again and/or '80s big-hair comes back like I know it will/should)

thank you, anak

• 10 more times the Brita water filter at home needs to be changed
• 7 days of British summer that are actually "hot" or have "sun"  
• 6 Consular Outreach Missions and corresponding games of "Interesting Venue Roulette" 

the pub at the Isle of Man outreach is currently atop the leaderboard

• 5 times I'll remember to change the Brita water filter (TBC) 
• 4 Quarterly Report of Operations due for submission (eight, if you include those still pending from last year)
• 3 people actually inspired by my messages
• 2 more month-long "Sale" seasons
• 0 Eurovision contests seen 

perhaps my one regret

PA-FANTASY FANTASY, PAG MAY TIME...

The Good Fantasy News: I won not one but TWO public basketball leagues!!  The first one I led practically wire-to-wire.  The second one was a nail-biter that went down to the very last day and game.

 See LLDD-Baby?  Daddy was doing something important when he skipped your parent-teacher conference and ballet recitals!

The Bad Fantasy News: my flagship MetroManilaBalls league appears to be going the way of the ABA. Only five managers (and one batchmate) signed up this year, and I became the first manager in fantasy basketball history to draft Lebron with the number one pick and still manage to finish in last place.

See LLDD-Hyphen-L?  This is what happens when you schedule things like Valentine's day and Wedding Anniversaries during All-Star Weekend!

ADVENTURES IN INVIOLABILITY

Well, I'm too cheap to ever turn up my home's heating, so I'm safe in that regard . . .

. . .on the other hand, my boss has already called me out once before for submitting photos of my house to our Home Office (an administrative requirement to keep track of housing allowance usage) that showed the place in a right shambles.

"Hindi mo man lang inayos ng konti bago kinunan!", said he.

Hey, if my house is ever raided, it's that same mess/pile/barricade of LLDD-Baby toys, LLDD-Hyphen-L clothes and LLDD beer cans that will buy us all time to jump out of the window and escape, so a little credit for my forward thinking please.