PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN...(FEBRUARY)

ADMIN HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

It's Monday, I must be in...Dublin

Belated greetings from the beautiful land of Guinness, Green and Ikaw Rin!  No fooling, planning and preparing for our trip to Ireland consumed the entire month of February. As you may have heard, the Philippines closed its embassy in Dublin last year, so we had to set up shop and services there from scratch. In the meantime, the local Fil-com was getting a wee bit restless waiting.  Luckily (har!), we managed to pull everything off (although the sheer scale of the task required the embassy to make several return visits), make lots of new friends, and never got tired of explaining "No, no, no...our attaché's name is 'Umali', not 'O'Malley' " over the phone.

         

  

 I only posed for one picture, but was asked to join three boy bands

LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY / LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE MONTH

I got nothing.  Seriously, the family couldn't go out because it was freezing in February and, like I said, most of my waking hours were already taken up by the Ireland trip.  Heck, I barely got back from Dublin in time for my wedding anniversary. The only thing that spared me the ire (har!) of the LLDD-Hyphen-L was the true story of how I rushed through the airport, overcame a cancelled flight, and caught the absolute last seat out of the country, Rom-Com style!   

My promise to take her to this Dublin shoe display also helped

PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN . . . (MARCH)

ADMIN HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

I got nothing.

(Although...the Philippines' first ever investment grade rating did happen the day after I booked the London cabs of visiting Philippine finance officials... Coincidence?  I think not.)

LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY / LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE MONTH

Never too early to be pretentious, I always say.  So at every opportunity, I take the LLDD-Baby to one of London's many fine art museums and galleries.  We particularly veer towards those that showcase post - modernism surreality pieces that passionately evoke...oh, who am I kidding.  Kung ano ang bukas sa linggo, pwede mag-picture, at libre.

Hello, Tate Britain.

 Mmmm...smell the art! Smell it!

PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN....(APRIL)

ADMIN HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

It's Wednesday, I must be in Edinburgh.  Again.

I'm not complaining - because it's such a beautiful place and all - I just never thought of all the UK landmarks outside London, far-flung Edinburgh would be the one I'd get to go to over and over again. (meanwhile, nearby Slough and Staines remain unvisited to date, alas.)  This time around, we arranged a working visit and consular outreach mission, which sounds good, but all the official activities left little to no time for any extra sightseeing.  This may have been my third time to the city, but I've still seen less of kilts and castles and more of client queues and consular waiting areas.

plus, our housing loan application got rejected

LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY / LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE MONTH 

The Southbank Centre staged an artsy Light Show exhibit, the highlights (har!) of which were a couple of specially rendered rooms that: 1) were surprisingly soothing to children; and 2) would make hipsters choke on their Instagram filters.

Wow, dada.  Hanep sa trip.

PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN.....(MAY)

ADMIN HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH

What else but OAZzzzz 2013.  Just like last time, the halls of the Embassy were filled with screams of "Kahon!", five-a-days of junk food and caffeine, and walang tulog personnel walking around like zombies.   To make things more interesting, this year the tally boards sent to us listed the hundreds of party-list candidates randomly/non-alphabetically, which meant every time a ballot was read out, us vote-counters had to sluggishly stagger and criss-cross precinct rooms like extras from The Walking Dead.

(That being said, our embassy posted the highest OAV turnout percentage in the world.  Where you at, Rome?!)  

LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE MONTH

At the back end of the month, we were lucky enough to go to Venice (or as my nephew prefers to call it, Venice-zuela!). You can see our boatload (har!) of travel pictures here.  Needless to state, in every shot, the LLDD-Hyphen-L was channelling Angelina, while I was feeling deeply Depp-y.     

The LLDD-Baby, meanwhile, was just plain cranky because a gondolier out-birit her "Row, Row, Row your Boat"    

LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT OF THE MONTH

Once upon a time in the 90s, there was a Lame Law Student who really wanted to go to the one-night-only Manila concert of his favourite group.

(it was his favourite group because listening to them made him feel pseudo-profound and emo)

Unfortunately, the concert was scheduled the night of one of his final exams.   His only hope was to do well enough in recitations and quizzes to earn an exemption from taking the finals.

(he also hoped no one else from law school got exempted from taking the final exams, so that he'd have a convenient excuse for not finding a date and going to the concert alone; but he was getting ahead of himself)  

He studied hard, answered well, and after the grades were tallied...missed being exempted by .05 points.

Almost 20 years later, the professor who didn't exempt him is now a Justice of the Supreme Court.

The Lame Law Student went on to become a Lame Lawyer / Dorky Diplomat / Office Concierge.

And the group that he wanted to see, formed so very long ago....

IS STILL TOGETHER AND KICKING ASS AND HAD AN AWESOME CONCERT IN LONDON AND THE LLDD FINALLY GOT TO SEE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

although the LLDD hates that Gahan and Gore are in their 50s and look that good without shirts on

As with all fairy tales, this one has a love-filled happy ending: The LLDD is now happily married and has a beautiful child, and no longer has to worry about getting dates - forever.

He just has to worry about his wife constantly rolling her eyes at his taste in music, and his baby mouthing "you're gonna spend my college fund on what!?!"

 I wanted to.  But I didn't.  But I wanted to.  But I didn't.

PREVIOUSLY, ON ADMIN. . .

As I went over old files and photos looking for material to update this blog, I realized that 95% of the work I did over the past year was indeed administrative / office conciergey. Nothing wrong with that, but all I could ever call home about was to say "Turn on CNN!  I rented, unfolded and arranged those tables they're signing the peace treaty on!"

Thank goodness then for the LLDD-Hyphen-L, the LLDD-Baby, and London Living in general for bringing more colour and variety to my days.  Take last month.  The Embassy had its usual strong slate of Independence-related activities, my inputs on which were "catered it / drove people to it / approved the overtime for it / helped in the clean up / installed the backdrops / made sure there was enough toilet paper in the bathrooms / locked up after everyone left." Essential, to be sure, but I doubt any of it will be carried by Wikileaks.

The LLDD-Hyphen-L, the LLDD-Baby and London Living, on the other hand, introduced me to...PEPPA PIG!!!

   

No relation to Peppa Meddleton

Parents out there know: if you're going to have to spend hours upon hours watching kiddie videos with your babies, it will be absolute torture if the lead characters are sensory-overload cutesy (I'm looking at you, Minnie Mouse Bowtique), borderline impertinent (*cough* Raa Raa the Noisy Lion *cough*) or just sheer weird (WTF In the Night Garden?!?).  What a relief then the LLDD-Baby is currently into Peppa Pig, who I find tolerably pleasant and sufficiently amusing, not to mention has a cheap theme park going on just an hour's drive away.

Although I don't like how the LLDD-Baby immediately identified me as "Daddy Pig"

Anyway, that's how I think I'll break down my past year as Office Concierge: the admin highlight-of-the-month, and an LLDD-Hyphen-L/LLDD-Baby/London Living foil  to break the monotony.   You're welcome.

  

AFTER 77 YEARS . . .

I thought I bought myself enough time when I promised the LLDD-Hyphen-L and the LLDD-Baby that I would never blog again, at least until: a) I was no longer Office Concierge; or b) a Brit won Wimbledon, whichever came later.

Well soil my all-whites, the unthinkable happened!  At the start of this month, I was shocked to learn that - nominally, at least - I would no longer be O.C. (see, kids! incessant whining can work!).  

And then, of course . . .

As you can see, the LLDD-Hyphen-L and LLDD-Baby are not impressed -- not with with Murray's historic win ("Daya! Dinaan sa damo!!!), nor with my historic blogging resumption.  Some people can be so hard to please. 

 I know, right?   

Anyway, it will be too unwieldy to recap the past year in one go, so I'll just back-post month by month in reverse.  I should be up to speed by, oh, the time Murray wins Wimbledon again.

     No pressure, mate.

THE YEAR OF LIVING O.C.-ly

Remember when I had a blog? I'd weigh in on the hot actress issue of the day, post out-of-focus travel photos, make bad puns and quote 80's lyrics and whatnot.  Good times, good times.

This year has seen me have less and less opportunity for any of that. Particularly over the last few months, I simply haven't had the time or energy to do much extra stuff, much less write about it.  Heck, I wasn't even able to prepare for my own league's fantasy draft last month, or do any gift-shopping for my family this Christmas.

 say what?

The source of my blogthargy is easily traceable: this is the year my LL/DD was fully overtaken by my being OC -- Office Concierge. So 2012 wasn't quite the Mayan end-of-days for me, more of one of those "XYZ Trading Corporation" calendars made of dull recycled paper that everyone receives but no one but small hardware stores display.

Make no mistake, an OC is important to the running of a mission, and it's not as if I was relieved of my other more diplomatey work.  I also have nothing but the highest admiration and appreciation for my batchmates and contemporaries who are doing thankless, riskier work in far more dangerous/less comfortable corners of the globe. Being OC, however, sucks up all of my time and saps all of my strength, not to mention makes me play out of position -- like Wayne Rooney suiting up as goalkeeper, or Russell Crowe singing up on Les Miserables.  Quality talent? Sure. Essential role? Absolutely. Pleasant viewing? ehh...

Then as if on cue, I recently learned the following ads started appearing in Philippine newspapers:

 (they were right under the swimsuit pictures of our Ms. Universe runner-up. Um, so I'm told) 

Respect. I'm proud to say I know all of the above FSOs and have even done OC stuff involving every one them over the past year. On the other hand, I don't think their photographer will be contacting me any time soon asking me to join their modelling ranks because: a) I still have a noche buena double chin; and b) "On Monday, the LLDD moved office furniture around, counted personnel's vacation and sick leaves, argued over parking spaces, and inspected the chancery's basement water sanitation system.  The LLDD is an OC. You could be one, too" miiiight not be catchy enough for purposes of attracting the best and the brightest to the foreign service.       

Still, I count my blessings every day and thank God for where I am and what I have.  Work is work, service is service, whether as an LL, DD or OC.  So au revoir 2012, bring on 2013.  Whatever happens, I'll still have all that is truly important and that brings me the greatest joys: impending Star Wars Episodes 7-9, timely Cracked articles (Philippines No. 1!), and a family that loves me no matter what*.

(*"What" being all the Christmas-shopping I failed to do) 

Revenge will be mine, daddy. Even if it lands me on Santa's 2013 "naughty" list, revenge will be mine.

VOLLEY WALA

I know it's hard to believe now, but I didn't always have this studly bod and image.  Although I was always reasonably athletic, from grade school through high school I was substantially short and scrawny for my age.  In all-boys La Salle, this meant the only team sport I could try out for was volleyball.  I did make the Junior Varsity team (referred to back in the day as the "Midgets"), but in the school's coolness scale that placed me  somewhere just above the Leaf Collectors club and well below the Dungeons and Dragons crowd.    

All that changed in college and law school, where I filled out, grew up, and volleyball became...well, volleyball was still not cool BUT now there were girls who needed me to complete their six-a-side sportsfest teams!  Good enough! 

Fast forward to London 2012.  I bid for dozens of tickets to multiple events.  Through the genius of the ticketing system, I have my credit card debited unspecified amounts for undisclosed sports, and only weeks afterwards am I officially informed that I was gloriously allocated Olympics tickets...to Women's Indoor Volleyball. And nothing but Women's Indoor Volleyball. Four. Straight. Days of Women's Indoor Volleyball.

All this is a long winded way of saying: all you're getting out of the London Olympics from me are the previous craption posts, and these things I learned watching the same women's indoor volleyball teams...over and over and over again.

They really need to work on the players' intros 

Considering these were some of the most powerful, agile and graceful athletes in the world, there was nothing dorkier than the way Olympic women's volleyball players went out onto the court.  Run, half-jump then mid-air patty-cake?  Really?  I'm not saying you need a fog-machine or anything, and maybe a full-on body thump is too much too ask, but surely a little hip-bump-afta-da-jump is doable, ladies?


I heart Logan Tom

After the PA announcer introduced Logan Tom, I kept trying to remember where I had heard her name before.  Then it came to me. But lest you think she's of the Kournikova/Wie style-over-winning variety of athlete, I thought she was in fact one of the best players on the USA team, never saw her rest or substituted, and kept hearing the guy behind me say "Man, Tom's got guns!" referring to her wicked strong serves. (at least, I hope he was referring to her serves)  

(BTW, Logan Tom wasn't even the best name/talent combo on the USA squad.  That would be Destinee Hooker) 

"We are the Champions" should only be played after the Gold medal match, not as timeout karaoke, dammit!

I mean, is nothing sacred? 


Brazilians don't need no P.A. announcer telling them to "make some noise"

They can spontaneously samba on their own, thank you very much.  I truly believe what lifted Brazil to gold over the previously undefeated Americans was their fans, I really do.  (on the other hand...Logan...you must be devastated by your loss...you might be looking for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on...someone who understands the game and what it means to you...someone who, I don't know, maybe played midgets volleyball from grade school to high school...)

An innocent game of "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" with the LLDD-baby can inadvertently turn into the Mexican Wave


Sorry about that.


The real stars of the games?  Los Wipers

Heroes, every single one of them.  Despite their mesmerizing choreography and movements and their more-frequent-than-you'd-think-because-of-all-the-TV-timeouts calls to action, the wipers received little respect, let alone adulation, from the fans.  Among other things I heard from the crowd: "Five bucks the fat one trips over her mop" (and she did); "He's lazy, that one in the middle is lazy!"; and my favourite "There's no style to it. You have to wipe with style."

Ignore them, young ones, just ignore them. I, for one, am truly envious of your position.

(because basically, that's Logan Tom's sweat you're wiping down there)

BECAUSE OLYMPICS, THAT'S WHY

Every dad strikes the "Usain Dork" pose if within sight of the rings.

At tube stations near event venues, you see random things like an African man rocking an expensive piña barong, formal pants and hippie sandals....and don't even bother asking why.

Some Canadian dudes knock on the door of the Embassy asking for Philippine Olympic lapel pins, come away with buri hats instead (which is cool, because chicks love the buri)

At the Olympic Village cafeteria, you think it's a good idea to match your country's 100+ kg judoka's carbo-loading.  

(it isn't)

It's never too early to expose your child to the unusuawesomeness that is Japan fans.

During a reception for some Olympic Guard of Honor schoolkids, our claim to the Kalayaan Islands is depicted....through cupcakes! 

Kalayum-yum!

At the Italy v. Algeria volleyball game, an Embassy's administrative officer finds the plumbers he needs for some chancery repairs.

BBC decides to play "Gold" after every win.  I've been saying this for years.

(Tony's also been carbo-loading, I see)

And every parent now thinks their kid can grow up to be an Olympian. Heck, even the LLDD-baby shows some Olympic potential...as a diving judge.

If that doesn't restore your faith in humanity, Phelps you, I don't know what will.