YEAR IN REVIEW: LLDD-BABY'S JUMPSHOT VS. LLDD/L'S COUPLE SELFIE GAME

Both were strong!

But the kid was freakin' unstoppable

FAITH IN PHOTOSHOP, RESTORED

Oh JOY! After lamenting that the Department seems to have forgotten the true spirit of photoshopped Christmas greetings and decrying the heretical use of internet gimmicks and apps...

 guilty!

...our Foreign Service Posts come through and show us that, just like Santa or Slash, photoshop is not really a person but more a feeling in your heart, you know? You may not use photoshop anymore, but if you believe your office can overcome and own the real picture-picture visual challenges like, say, slopes...

...jolog punks...

...and sudden-onset jazz hands...

...then, child, it will be yours!

And if you do still believe in photoshop, then by all means dream BIGGER. Make those teleported landmarks loom larger...

...and those office floors hay-ier.

Don't settle for the usual photoshopping of absentees' upper-torsos into the back row of group shots. You go out there and place their whole bodies on balconies in broad daylight where they don't cast shadows like Twilight vampires.

You also get your graphic design groove on and come up with some truly cool and tasteful images.

Or...


...or...

....YOU MAKE A CHRISTMAS CARD USING THE DEATH STAR, PREDATORS SIDE-EYEING PREY AT THE WATER HAZARD OF THE 15TH HOLE OF THE LOCAL COUNTRY CLUB, AND DINOSAURS

It's a Christmas miracle.

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY WAS LIT (WITHIN PRESCRIBED REGULATIONS)

Hollywood has its upcoming Office Christmas Party, we just had ours. But where the movie is all about decadence and debauchery, our party was rightfully subdued, dignified and, uh...

... I dunno, certified ISO 9000 compliant by Capt. DFA?

"May I just request everyone to complete the exchange gift satisfaction survey form and leave it in the dropbox on your way out? Thanks so much"

And in accordance with the PPP* Manual of Operations (*Party Policy and Procurement), there were properly budgeted and pre-approved games, song numbers and shenanigans. We had:

• an on-the-spot (but woke!) Mannequin Challenge

• an OG performing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" 

• non-stop harassment of the one who came dressed as a princess

• bees

(probably)

So what was my role in all of this?  Let's just say I was the one walking around with a giant "A" on his forehead, so everyone knew me to be the party's biggest a-- 

Capt. Administration! I was Capt. Administration!!!

keeping buffet lines safe and  parties over by 7 p.m. since 1946

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE PHOTOSHOPPIN'

Before we enter the annual Twelve days of Department offices' Christmas Greetings season, I'd just like to remind everyone in the Foreign Service that we should be good at photoshop all year round, and not just when Santa's watching. I myself dabbled in the dark arts during my stint as Office Concierge in London...

...and front-line offices back at Headquarters have long utilized 'Shop to create self-aware wallpaper.

Upon my recall to the Home Office, I was also most pleased to find photoshop in glorious use during senior officials' despedidas...

...and birthdays.

So foreign service photoshops are truly the gifts that keep on giving.

And yet...

My faith in this great tradition has just been shaken to its core by some early Christmas submissions of foreign service posts that openly flaunted photoshop on facebook...

...or resorted to making instagram videos ...

... and even (gasp!) took part in challenges

What's next, embassy gifs?! MEMES?!?!!!!!

I blame millennials.

WRITTEN OFF

So in just the last two weeks....

... a senior - but young in age - official launches a pioneering handbook he put together...

...a young in age ambassador works on his third book of poetry...

...and a young in age officer who's only a batch ahead of me is featured in the papers for her award winning-novel, a book of short stories, and three Palanca awards.

Over the last two weeks, I was able to make cup noodles and blog about Kermit flashing his groin.

I REGRET NOTHING


*sobs into cup noodles*

THIS NEWS SITE'S STOCK PHOTO-HEADLINE ALGORITHM CONTINUES TO ASTOUND

First it fronts the invention of a crop pest remover as the impending alien bug invasion that will wipe away mankind. Now it calls out Kermit as total perv. I mean, who knows, maybe he is.

LEADING THE WAY IN PHOTO I.D. TECHNOLOGY

A surprise announcement was just made over the P.A. that: 1) everyone in the Department would be issued new office I.D.s; 2) for this purpose, everyone needed to submit perfectly lit, proper background-colored high-res photos of themselves; and 3) everyone needed to submit their perfectly lit, proper background-colored high-res photos like right now. No time to go to photoline at MOA or anything.

Ha! Almost everyone at the Department's a hardened veteran of consular outreach missions, and if there's one thing we learned from those, it's how to MacGyver the hell out of a photo studio set-up.

And so in my office...

It of course worked.  

We look forward to more of a challenge next time.  

THAT IS NOT A BRITISH DIPLOMATIC VEHICLE, GOOD SIR!

Nor are you travelling within Her Majesty's realm!

Furthermore, contrary to your plate's country code, I express serious reservations that you are even from Chile. And do not for a moment contemplate parking in a diplomatic space.

I say good day to you!