TOP 5 THINGS HEARD DURING MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS' CHRISTMAS REUNION

We're not strapping young green archers anymore

5. "Pare, napahiya ako sa staff ko, wala na palang gumagamit ng term 'Bomba Star' "

4. "Hay naku, mga millennials na 'yan, may dalawa na akong interns na umiyak sa harap ko"

3. (*someone talking to me*) "Yeah, I saw your wife on facebook...I assume she's much younger than you?"

2. (*the most inebriated classmate accidentally posts a bad word on fb messenger, which may or may not have caused another classmate to leave the group*) "I apologize for the foul language..that was not intended...I don't even remember texting...may gumamit ba ng phone ko?...I am deeply sorry if I offended anyone...I'm just so embarrassed by my actions"

1. "Aga na natin malasing.  Sa New Year's gathering, breakfast na nga lang"

Over our dad bodies.

HAVE YOURSELF A MA-DRAMA LITTLE CHRISTMAS

And to all...

(LLDD-Baby, blink twice if you're being held against your will)

(*blinks twice*)

(blink some more if you want out of the family)

(*BLINKS FURIOUSLY*)

YEAR IN REVIEW: BATCH, INTERRUPTED

Well, we always knew we'd never get the whole band back together -- what with our staggered foreign assignments, official trips, study leaves and secondments (and even a couple of resignations). The best we could really hope for on any given day was gathering enough of the batch to split an uber. Still, those few occasions we had with each other all proved to be fun and memorable - like that time we all scored Oishi swag...

...or that time after the flag ceremony a more senior officer was just wandering around the lobby and straight-up giving away barbecue...

...or those photobooth shenanigans at a senior officer's despedida... 

...or that sudden wind storm that almost (not really) made us look like Reservoir Dogs...

...or ??????????????

And of course there was the Christmas lunch, where the batch had its strongest turnout yet.

Still, it would have been nicer if all of us here at the home office could have been around. If only there was some magical way to make us complete for Christmas...

Perfect

YEAR IN REVIEW: LLDD-BABY'S JUMPSHOT VS. LLDD/L'S COUPLE SELFIE GAME

Both were strong!

But the kid was freakin' unstoppable

FAITH IN PHOTOSHOP, RESTORED

Oh JOY! After lamenting that the Department seems to have forgotten the true spirit of photoshopped Christmas greetings and decrying the heretical use of internet gimmicks and apps...

 guilty!

...our Foreign Service Posts come through and show us that, just like Santa or Slash, photoshop is not really a person but more a feeling in your heart, you know? You may not use photoshop anymore, but if you believe your office can overcome and own the real picture-picture visual challenges like, say, slopes...

...jolog punks...

...and sudden-onset jazz hands...

...then, child, it will be yours!

And if you do still believe in photoshop, then by all means dream BIGGER. Make those teleported landmarks loom larger...

...and those office floors hay-ier.

Don't settle for the usual photoshopping of absentees' upper-torsos into the back row of group shots. You go out there and place their whole bodies on balconies in broad daylight where they don't cast shadows like Twilight vampires.

You also get your graphic design groove on and come up with some truly cool and tasteful images.

Or...


...or...

....YOU MAKE A CHRISTMAS CARD USING THE DEATH STAR, PREDATORS SIDE-EYEING PREY AT THE WATER HAZARD OF THE 15TH HOLE OF THE LOCAL COUNTRY CLUB, AND DINOSAURS

It's a Christmas miracle.

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY WAS LIT (WITHIN PRESCRIBED REGULATIONS)

Hollywood has its upcoming Office Christmas Party, we just had ours. But where the movie is all about decadence and debauchery, our party was rightfully subdued, dignified and, uh...

... I dunno, certified ISO 9000 compliant by Capt. DFA?

"May I just request everyone to complete the exchange gift satisfaction survey form and leave it in the dropbox on your way out? Thanks so much"

And in accordance with the PPP* Manual of Operations (*Party Policy and Procurement), there were properly budgeted and pre-approved games, song numbers and shenanigans. We had:

• an on-the-spot (but woke!) Mannequin Challenge

• an OG performing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" 

• non-stop harassment of the one who came dressed as a princess

• bees

(probably)

So what was my role in all of this?  Let's just say I was the one walking around with a giant "A" on his forehead, so everyone knew me to be the party's biggest a-- 

Capt. Administration! I was Capt. Administration!!!

keeping buffet lines safe and  parties over by 7 p.m. since 1946