Just to be clear: I duly and responsibly did everything that was ever asked of me as Office Concierge. It's just that, well, I wasn't particularly good at a lot of things asked of me as Officer Concierge.
Take that most administrative of responsibilities: organizing the Office Christmas Party. During the first year of my administration (har!), I was perfectly happy to book the cheapest available civic hall, order some puto and pansit, read some official Christmas messages, play Jose Mari Chan on a loop, dress up whoever was the youngest Embassy kid as an elf, and call it a party.
you'll pay for this one day, dada
Well. Upon arrival in London, some newly-assigned personnel brought tales of wild parties from their former posts, and it became abundantly clear that all previous Christmas gatherings of the London embassy were in fact totally baduy. I was thereafter swiftly (and rightfully) divested of any further office party responsibilities. The immediate result: last Christmas - and for the first time ever - the Embassy had a glam theme and dress code, a hotel venue and catering, proper emcees and programme, and fun games and gifts for all the kids. Heck, even my usually staid wing of the office came up with an elaborate, creative and meaningful number for the Christmas pageant competition.
That being said, we lost out to the office that did "Gangnam Style," so some things are still universal.
LLDD-HYPHEN-L / LLDD-BABY / LONDON LIVING HIGHLIGHT-OF-THE-MONTH
Every holiday season, Hyde Park hosts "Winter Wonderland", a huge pop-up family fair with all sorts of flashy rides, speciality food, crazy attractions and other assaults on the senses. It's like "Big Bang sa Alabang", "Payanig sa Pasig" and "Hapi-hapi sa Q.C." all rolled into one
(Wait, are any of those fairs even still around? Did I just make myself ancient to the LLDD-Baby again?)
The great thing about places like these is that they're not just for children. Grown-ups too can find things that are fun and appealing and let them be carefree kids again. All of which is a nice of saying "I took something that should have made me look totally bad-ass, and ended up looking like a complete dork instead."
Just to break down some of the doof-tastic elements of zip-lining at Winter Wonderland:
- You're zip-lining at Winter Wonderland. Not from the top of Wembley or the O2. Winter Wonderland.
- The harness hikes everything you're wearing or have on you about six-inches up. And I mean everything.
- You have to walk from the fitting area to the launch platform 200 meters away through the thousands of other Winter Wonderland-ers looking like this.
- Did I mention you'll have to walk 200 meters in public with everything hiked up?
- As much as you try to strike a Superman pose mid-air, the harness will force you into something more akin to a rear-view mirror ornament.
- This may be just me, but nothing seemed to come out of my mouth except a high-pitched "Woo-HOOO"
- At the end of everything, you're left dangling there for a good few minutes. For everyone to see. With everything hiked up.
My "Woo-HOO" got even higher in pitch
So yeah, zip-lining over London can be fun and thrilling as it's happening, but all the other stuff before and after it can also be extremely awkward, especially for a well-known, respected public figure and dignitary.
you knew exactly where I was going with this
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